True love never fades
by Sammy088
Summary: Sequel to prophesied son. It took six months for Cas to realize he is nothing without Sam. He soon reverts to the angel he had been before Sam. Before he had learned how to love. Can they save the emotional dam that's breaking or is Cas too far gone away?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter One

Given up something to the person that they felt great love for had to be incredibly hard. Once the heart was stolen, it couldn't be taken back and knowing that Sam was off somewhere in the pit didn't help Dean's case one bit. It had been six months since Sam was gone and he couldn't stop thinking about how he kind of promised him to move on with Lisa and forget the things in the past.

He was happy that he didn't when he observed the person working behind the counter. He could only imagine how it could be Gabriel but he didn't have any of his angelic powers or memories despite anything Dean could observe and yet he was still the mischievous man/angel he had met. Rolling his eyes at the fact that he was smiling his way, Dean suppressed a smile. Looking at the time he quickly groaned and threw a twenty on the table. At his inquiring look, Dean quirked an eyebrow.

"Nephews man. Can't really abandon the little guy. I said I'd help him with the new Lego set once I got back and my uncle won't let him start on it until I watch him."

He had two hours until the kid was angry with him. He would pout and cry "De" like it was the only name he knew but he was known to say fuck when his papa was around. He was proud to say that Emmanuel's first word had been fuck thanks to him. Seeing Gabe seem to hesitate, Dean smiled.

"I'll show you a picture of the little guy. The poor kid looks so much like his papa but has some of his daddy's best features," Dean was quite saddened at mentioning his dead brother but still kept himself from showing any emotion. That he was good at. The guy wouldn't have to know that it was just Cas, him, and Bobby trying to teach the kid right.

"Sounds like a great kid," Gabe observed from the photos.

Dean masked a ghost of a smile at that. He kept himself from saying that it was because the brat had a mentor before he was even out of the womb and continued with his best times with the kid.

"Makes me almost want one. ALMOST though because I know my brother went through a whole load of pain with his. I'm more than happy with adoption."

"And an eighteen year old Asian girl would be-"

"Someone I'd take to a motel room for a night."

He grinned.

"Maybe you could meet him sometime." Dean invited.

Gabe seemed to think about that.

"My shifts over in fifteen minutes…"

"Perfect, the more the merrier and Emmanuel will stop crying over his Lego set and how doing the actual think has been delayed over and over again."

* * *

"Fwuck."

Cas sighed and quickly, but gently pulled his son's face towards him and popped him in the mouth for that. It wasn't hard but Emmanuel still burst out into tears whenever Cas punished him. He glared and the small child crossed his arms angrily making Cas realize that this was all an authority issue.

"Emmanuel if you want to even think of seeing Heaven with papa again, you will be good to remember that you don't swear. That is bad." Cas pointed a finger at him and the monster, knowing how much fun it was to mess with his papa, bit it.

"No," he shouted and Cas just sighed.

Beside him, Bobby was laughing and didn't even bother hiding behind the fact. Cas turned to glare his way and Bobby just snorted in amusement.

"Put him in time out Cas. It ain't gonna hurt him to punish him once in a while and the way you go at it, you act like he's going to break."

"Bobby he's my son okay. I can discipline my son any way I see fit and it really isn't up to you. Emmanuel hates the time out chair and-"

"Ain't that the point?" Bobby rolled his eyes. "Listen, I know that you miss him. You miss him and you continuously act like the world is over even though it's only been six months. Sam is gone Cas and you can't replace that void by being like that with your boy. If he's bad he needs to know why he was wrong and you can't teach him that if you pop him in the mouth and then hug him tightly for a good twenty minutes-"

"I'm reminded every damn day that Sam is never coming back Bobby!" Cas paused and picked his nine month old and held him tightly. "I know he needs discipline and I hand it out accordingly. I don't do it to hurt him but because I love him. I also know that he is acting out because his daddy is gone. So I can't just stick him in time out because Sam was important to him as much as he is too me."

Bobby sighed but conceded.

He saw what losing a parent had done to Dean but Emmanuel was still very young and didn't understand. He very well could be acting out and Bobby didn't see much difference in the way Cas should dole out the punishment. In a way he was surprised that Cas came out as quite the good dad in these circumstances. It crossed his mind several times that Cas was the equivalent to someone clinically depressed but he was definitely holding his own, so to speak.

"I'm sorry Cas. I never did expect this to happen to anyone and you know what they say don't cha?" Cas shook his head and Bobby let a small smile fall onto his face. "Love lasts forever. You don't lose that love just because the one you feel it for is gone and don't get me wrong on this but if it really is true love, it'll never fade."

"Of course it won't because I still miss Sam. I-" Whatever Cas was going to say was interrupted by the door opening and Dean coming through with a small bag of cookies.

It was the person behind Dean that caught Cas by surprise.

"Gabriel?" he asked in disbelief.

"I'm sorry do I know you? Anyways I've become a good friend of Dean's here; he's decided to let me come with him to see his fun loving nephew."

Cas nodded before turning to Dean. It was obvious that Dean was happy and Cas felt happy for him. He deserved to be after everything that went his way. He also felt a smidge stab of jealousy since Cas couldn't be with the one he loved so much but quickly quelled it down. Now wasn't the time nor place for that and he figured it wouldn't change much in the end. Dean was the luckier of the Winchesters though. That much was obvious and he hadn't been cursed since birth it seemed like Sam was. Sam who was more likely getting tortured for his part of 'making it right'.

"You must be the kid's ever loving daddy?"

Cas shook his head.

"I'm the one that made him. The daddy has been gone for six months now-"Cas cut himself off and tipped his head sideways. While Gabriel gave him a weird look, Cas just sighed and turned to Dean.

"I have to go. Emmanuel behave for your uncle or else I'll trash the Legos." Emmanuel held his arms out but Cas was already gone.

Nobody expected Emmanuel to start crying as soon as Cas left and Dean swore before picking him up. The small child continued to wail exceedingly, not calming the tiniest bit down and Gabriel tried helping out as well. He was fine whilst his father was here, so Gabriel couldn't understand why he was having a huge fit now. Bobby quickly plucked him from them and handed him anything that could appease him. When none of them worked, he quickly went to the old cassette player and popped in AC/DC.

After that the nine month old finally simpered down to small whimpers.

"Why are you lot surprised? He misses his daddy and his papa has to work. If you were him you'd probably never want to your other parent out of your sight!" he handed Emmanuel off to Dean before sitting behind his desk and cracking a book.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow and was about to voice his confusion when Dean quickly shot a hand out to stop him.

"Don't. He's-just don't."

Gabriel nodded.

"Bet the kiddo wants to play with the Legos."

Emmanuel looked up and smiled at him, showing a couple of teeth that were coming through to the surface.

After a moment Dean nodded.

* * *

Cas was back later to observe his sleeping son and came just in time to catch him awake. The big blue puppy dog eyes widened in surprised happiness and he outstretched his arms, silently begging to be picked up. Cas found he couldn't deny the child that knowing he probably missed him more than anything when he was out working and couldn't be with him.

Smiling a tiny smile, he picked him up and sat down with him in the rocking chair. Emmanuel beamed happily and snuggled into his arm. Cas smiled even more realizing how much he would have loved Sam to be able to see him now. He was growing up fast before his eyes and it wasn't fair that he got to see as much as he could and yet Sam wasn't. This was their child and it was so unfair. Bringing a hand through his baby fine sandy brown hair, he hugged Emmanuel to him and kept on rocking.

His thoughts turned to the war that was happening in heaven and thought about how Raphael and Phanuel were turning to the averted apocalypse as a solution to bring God back home to them. They were losing faith in their father and at one point Cas would have been with them but not now. Not when God was the reason he had this perfect little guy here with him. He was a blessing and a sign that God did not abandon them. Many times he thought he was either going to lose either or but it turned out he wouldn't lose Sam to any illness or incident. No he loss Sam because of the selfless sacrifice and one he didn't want to happen. That wasn't God's fault though, that was Sam's free will.

Emmanuel was going to have it tougher though and Cas really couldn't stand to see the young child so upset. Hugging him towards him again, Cas remembered the conversation he had had with Bobby earlier today. He was right though. He knew that his kid was really well behaved and the times he wasn't wasn't because of the need to rebel or even a common child tantrum. Emmanuel missed Sam just as much if not more than Cas missed his boyfriend and he could understand.

He wanted him home too.

* * *

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think so far.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Two

It was always the same dream.

Cas wished he hadn't learned how to feel, how to dream, how to even love. It was slowly starting to eat at him and he realized without a doubt that without Sam to help anchor him and show him how much he could love and be loved, he was nothing.

He spent the whole time at first installing free will upon the angels who had no idea what to do when Michael upped and left them. Good riddance to that hindrance he thought boldly. He tried and tried but they didn't know anything and he soon thought about giving up. He had a small son who would cry to be with him and he couldn't just be up here all the time teaching mindless angels when his son knew more than them put together.

Then Raphael told them the apocalypse had to come back. Cas had been fighting for that ever since. There was no way he was going to let that come back and definitely not after he lost someone from the first confrontation. He didn't want it to ever come back but Raphael didn't seem to care.

Sighing, he really thought about helping Dean but looking over and seeing him laugh at something he was showing to Gabriel, he quickly took that idea away. Dean was happy and nothing was bringing him down right now. He had the one angel that he had loved even if the said angel couldn't remember a single thing and the only hunting he did nowadays was watching the phones when Bobby went on one. He couldn't put the other Winchester brother in danger just because Cas lost the one person that meant anything to him. He had his son but it wasn't the same.

It could never be.

He was outside just thinking about what he could do when Crowley had sauntered up to him. He was smirking as though he knew something and Cas didn't know whether to beat it out of him or not but the demon was quite the guy it seemed nowadays. He was the new king of Hell or so the respective demon would brag.

"How do you do angel of Thursday? Is the little rug rat still running you wild?" Cas looked over wondering what he was talking about and the demon sighed. "Still can't tell what is going on with you-"

"I know what is happening to me," Cas told him bitterly. "I'm losing a war in heaven and if I ask Dean for help, I will hate myself even more."

Crowley sighed.

"No you miscreant. You can win it and you don't need to ask the Winchester for help. He's busy playing house with the amnesiac angel, am I right?"

Cas nodded slightly although Crowley seemed to take that as an answer easily enough. He went up to him and the angel could already see a little look of disappointment on his face, probably because Bobby took Emmanuel to a kiddy pool with that little girl Debby. He always wondered about his own little girl and what it would be like with two kids before Sam had died. Now he had problems even thinking about the one.

"Well I propose a preposition. You help me find a way to get to the souls of purgatory and then we can stop the hell in heaven type thing and end the future threat of another apocalypse. Trust me when I say this, I don't dick when it comes to the devil."

Cas nodded all too aware of that.

"I don't make deals with a demon," he quickly told him and started to go back towards the house. Maybe Dean was done and he could ask him if he wanted Gabriel to even remember anything from his time as an angel but Crowley stopped him with one sentence.

"I suppose you want your boyfriend to suffer then?"

Cas abruptly turned around and fisted the demon's shirt so hard that Crowley actually cracked a smile. If there was one weakness that the angel had, he should have known that it would have been this. The angel looked a mess without his Winchester boyfriend and the demon would have scuffed if it had been anyone else but apparently the youngest Winchester had given him a powerful kid and that kid was exceeding expectations.

"What do you mean? No one threatens him. Ever!"

"Wow! You sure have an anger issue going on. You may want to see a doctor for that. An angry angel who loved someone and lost them. It is quite unheard of; do you want to know why?"

When the angel continued to blink, Crowley sighed.

"No you stupid lug head. When you gave him a peace of your grace you must have forgotten something? A little thing we hear of when someone truly loves someone. Are you wondering why you are even angry? Or maybe you break things and you can't help but dream a little, something all angels normally never do? Should I keep giving hints or do you get it yet?" When Cas continued to look at him that way, Crowley sighed and finally shouted.

"MORON, AS YOU GAVE THE EQUIVALENT OF A PIECE OF A SOUL TO YOUR BOYFRIEND; HE GAVE YOU A PEACE OF HIS HEART AND SOUL!"

Cas looked astonished and realized he was right. What was a piece of a soul going to do for him though? There were times that he forgot how to feel and he felt oddly nothing even when his kid was crying to get his attention. Finally Cas came before the demon and repeated.

"What do you want from me?"

Crowley smirked.

"I want a deal."

"I have no soul," Cas told him plainly. Crowley never lost the smirk and Cas was wondering where this was going. He sighed and waited it out knowing that sure enough, Crowley would tell him what was going on.

"How about I do you a favor and bring your boyfriend back. I could you know and I could even make him forget all about hell. Hell would have destroyed him after having been there for the equivalence of what was it, six months-"

"He's been there for eight months, twenty seven days and an hour. Tomorrow is Emmanuel's birthday. Tomorrow it will be a full nine months and it still seems far too long."

"I'm sure it has but I could have someone raise him from the dead and of course once that happens, all you have to do is help me locate the souls. If I don't get my end of the bargain, your boyfriend gets shoved back down into the pit."

Cas didn't say anything for a while and then he looked up to Crowley and nodded.

"I accept. Bring Sam back."

* * *

It would have been easier said than done though and Crowley knew it too. While Cas tried to hold his end, Crowley was struggling real hard. It wasn't like it could be that hard anyways; he just couldn't find the right way to do it. Poor little and innocent Castiel was acting like a monster now anyways. It went to show that true love wasn't worth it because a lost love made anyone who normally wouldn't do anything out of the ordinary go crazy. This was proving well with Cas though and he couldn't help but see that his eyes were already becoming the cold blue that they were in the very beginning.

"He is losing himself," Crowley whispered to himself with a smirk. Even if he didn't do anything, there was no guaranteed way that Cas would find out. It was hopeless anyways and Sam was down there probably getting his soul hate banged by both angels in the cage. Except it wasn't nine months like it was up here. No it had been going on for ninety years. The sorry little bastard he thought.

He would have kept laughing if he didn't see his latest people trailing behind a woman. He sighed at how hard his job was and decided he should teach the demon respect now rather than later. Couldn't have a Winchester in these parts anyhow. He felt though that a visit was due anyways and maybe he could see this Emmanuel that was supposedly more powerful than Phanuel that he held more in his little pinky than large Phanuel had in his whole body.

That would be a sight to see.

And he would be loving every minute of it.

* * *

Cas was late.

He never was and Dean kept telling himself that it had something to do with his mission for heaven. It didn't stop Emmanuel from whimpering and crying out for his papa. He was already too smart for his own good and if he didn't slow down, he'd be a little dork like Sammy had always been. Gabriel was helping to dole the snacks out for the kids, wondering if Dean had told Bobby about the kids they had invited over for Emmanuel.

Bobby was going to be pissed. Gabriel saw him at the front of the house and quickly tapped Dean on the shoulder, pointing to the father figure who was stomping his way in. Dean quickly scooped Emmanuel up and made his way to try to hide behind all the guests and decorations. Emmanuel clapped, quickly looking over at Dean in surprise when they were being brought away from everyone and into the upstairs room. Gabriel looked surprised but Dean ignored him for the time being. If Gabriel was freaked out by this when he saw Cas do the equivalent a million times now, then he would tell him something of the truth.

"Emmanuel, bring daddy okay?" Dean said and the newly turned one year old looked at him as though he was trying to figure out if this was a difficult question. After a second where Dean was going to repeat his request, Cas popped in and he looked annoyed.

"Papa!" Emmanuel exclaimed.

"Papa had work Emmanuel you don't pull him from work whenever you are lonely."

Gabriel looked in shock and Dean quietly cursed but Cas was if anything surprisingly apathetic. He didn't seem to care about anything anymore and Dean knew losing Sam was tough but he had to move on. It was going to hurt him if he did nothing and refused to accept the fact.

"Do you care at all Cas? About your son or about S-"

"I'm done hearing about that," Cas quickly told him. "I'm busy and you interrupted me. I know it's Emmanuel's birthday but not all fathers could take him to the zoo or afford to appease him every time he cries. You should know that Dean. Look how many firsts he missed."

Dean nodded now knowing that it was starting to hurt even at the mention of his brother's name. Dean hadn't been like that when he lost Gabriel but he never had a kid with him nor did he really love him this long. According to Sam, if he listened right that was, Sam loved Cas ever since he had met him. He went on and on about those big blue eyes and how he was sure he had seen them somewhere. Dean assumed it was fate and didn't want to make Sam seem like all it was was a coincidence. Sighing, he quickly picked Emmanuel up out of Cas's reach.

Gabriel seemed angry now.

"Tell me how that is happening and-"

Cas pushed two fingers to Gabriel's forehead and the other angel dropped like a sack of potatoes. Looking in disbelief, Cas didn't once even apologize for this and Dean was starting to wonder if Cas was okay.

"Are you okay Cas? You're acting like one of your douche bag brothers and let me tell you how much of a dick they are-"

"No Dean you can't. I was crazy right from the start to believe that love could come out of anything. What was the result out of it anyways? I lost a daughter I only met for one minute before I lost her, I could count multiple times that I almost lost my son before he was even born and then I lost him. I'm not me anymore Dean and certain regrettable things are now required of me. If I don't then the apocalypse is going to come again."

Dean snorted.

"Bull shit, you don't care about your son at all! Do you even care that Emmanuel cries for you whenever you leave or that he can't stand the fact that you leave him for periods of time?" Emmanuel hugged tightly onto Cas's leg and Dean continued angrily. "He loves you Cas more than you would know. Come on, he lost his daddy already, don't make him lose his papa too."

Cas sighed and picked him up.

Gabriel woke up at the same time that Crowley appeared.

"So that is the little monster that heaven and hell hate equally." Crowley commented, stepping back when he felt a wave of anger pass through Cas by this visit. Emmanuel didn't seem too much happier and proved it by making the demon duck a flying toaster. What it was doing upstairs could be anyone's guess but it involved the baby so it wasn't really surprising now anyways.

"Ha, he is powerful. I don't know any other one year old who could do that and get away with it. Of course I don't know any other one year old who has that mean face like that younger Winchester did."

Gabriel stood up and looked around in surprise.

"Why the hell am I not dead?" he asked distraught. Dean shrugged when he turned his way and before he could demand such an answer again, Cas answered for him.

"You aren't dead brother, just a mortal." When Gabriel's questioning look went his way Cas continued. "We had nothing and demons were even forced to ride in automobiles. You really think that the sword would have been at its full power? All it did was turn you into a mortal and your grace is probably going to need to recharge for a while before it's better-"

"Great, I thought the baby's pranks were petty and now I'm stuck a mortal. I guess that teaches me to make fun of any of your offspring," Gabriel regarded sarcastically. Cas nodded not getting it for what it was and turned to the demon.

"I didn't tell you to come here." He told him angrily.

"Oh so Gabe, want to find out what else has been going on since you were off without a single memory of anyone?" Gabriel hesitantly nodded and Crowley smirked. "Sammy Winchester gave his life by saying yes to Lucy and jumping into the pit. That was what, nine months ago now Cas? He keeps track better than me and you know what they say about true love right? True love is hard to find but the hardest love of all to lose. It's because true love often ends in tragedy and they don't teach you that in angel school or wherever you angels learned at when you were in heaven-"

"Shut up Crowley and leave. My son turned one today and you are being annoying." Crowley would have continued but seeing as how he still had to find a way to make good on his deal, he just smirked to the little boy in Cas's arms and left.

Once he had Gabriel turned to Cas with a raised eyebrow.

"Really bro? You named your kid a name that means God is with us? You need some serious therapy."

"Sam liked it!" Cas paused, quickly putting Emmanuel back onto the ground and then taking off in his haste causing the one year old to scream.

Dean sighed.

If Cas kept doing this, he would never learn to live with it. The truth was Sam was gone and he wasn't coming back. He was sad to say this but he was deader than a door nail and with the exceptions of a deal that could lead to only more pain, nothing was going to bring Sam back to them.

No matter how much he was needed.

* * *

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think so far.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Three

Crowley had said that he could bring Sam back.

Cas didn't believe him but he didn't need to. He just needed to get his bearings under control before he lost it. He knew his son was crying for him, it had been a whole month since he had seen him but he convinced himself that it wasn't the time. He couldn't be with Emmanuel and do the mission at the same time, especially since he was doing dreadfully regrettable things.

It just surprised him that he was really as cold as he was becoming lately and he was ignoring the calls that he should have been hearing. He knew all along something was wrong but he decided that he couldn't help them. His missions were more important than hearing perpetulant whining.

"Dean, I think you should be careful," he announced and Dean looked more than a little irritated with him. He figured it had something to do with the fact that he hadn't come home and told him this with the child around. He felt it didn't matter though.

"What the hell Cas? Do you remember your son? You know, the one who's been crying his eyes out ever since you don't come home every other day to let him know you aren't leaving him?" Dean was always so dramatic but Cas held up a hand.

"Listen Dean, I'm at war up in Heaven right now! I don't have times to play house and pretend everything is normal again when we know it will never be the same! I have been trying to stop Raphael Dean and my human skills are lacking!"

"So that is your excuse for your son suffering? He cries for you!" Dean shouted.

Dean just stared at him in surprised fury but Cas didn't let him finish.

"I don't deserve him Dean," Cas told him calmly. Almost too calm and Dean suddenly remembered a different angel, more specifically this was like talking to a Cas he had just recently met because this wasn't the one that was in love and crazy about his brother. It couldn't be. "I didn't deserve your brother either Dean. I always hurt him and I could never ever protect him from harm's way. Maybe it is better this way."

"SAM!" Dean shouted. "You could say his name Cas! I miss him too but you don't see me afraid to say his name-"

Cas was gone.

"Well fuck you Cas! You can kiss my ass you God damned prick!" Dean cursed.

Gabriel was off to the side listening to this but had remained quiet throughout the whole thing. Being a mortal had to have been hard but he seemed to be taking everything in stride. According to the ex-trickster, he had figured that he didn't have to have all the powers of heaven to and quote, 'be a jack ass.' Dean was still worried about Cas though and he knew Gabriel could tell, for he pulled Dean forward and laughed as he kissed Dean in the forehead, watching him turn a dark shade of red. Both weren't big on affection but Gabriel always made the exception for him. He couldn't believe he didn't remember him though and decided that didn't much matter. He had him now and he was happy. He frowned realizing that that was all Cas wanted and he couldn't have it sadly enough.

He still just had to wonder though.

What was wrong with his brother and why wasn't he asking for help?

* * *

Dean sighed remembering why Bobby told him to wait until he had the car. He panted as he lifted up the groceries and cursed the fact that some miscreant popped the tires of his beloved automobile. It didn't stop him from needing to get the groceries and Bobby was going to kill him when he realized that Dean took the advantage that Bobby was taking Emmanuel to see fishes at an aquarium to do it.

"I give," he told himself out loud. "Next time I take Emmanuel to the stupid aquarium and Bobby could drag Cas to do this. I mean he's the father so if he's not going to stick around, he could at least pay child support."

He paused realizing what he had said out loud to himself last and laughed heartily. Right, he thought. Cas paying child support? Next he wouldn't be surprised to see a demon file for divorce. This was getting too surreal even for him but he knew that somewhere deep down Cas was still there. Even though he wasn't there often, he would silently sneak in when Emmanuel was asleep and he cared enough to sooth him then. That wasn't the actions of a man that hated his own son, but he was broken and messed up. That was something Dean couldn't deny.

He dropped his bags and one of them split open causing Dean to curse. Snatching his gun from the back of his jeans, he couldn't believe he would be stupid enough to not think that the supernatural would stop coming. Something just darted into the woods and he was pissed enough that he now had more work cut out for him just because it decided to play with him. Nobody messed with Dean Winchester and got away with it he thought.

He knew it was a bad idea but he headed into the woods anyways. He was going to hurt that damned thing if it were the last thing he did. He heard movement and turned to his right, gun aimed in front of him and surveying the area. He wasn't going to let some wise crack thing think they had him. He already got that enough at home with the frying pans and the water at night. Gabriel may not be an angel much anymore but at heart he would always be good at pranks and that included new ones he was learning along the way.

"Come out where ever you are!"

There was nothing.

He was about to move forward when he heard a branch break behind him. He quickly flipped around in his haste and then suddenly he was seeing the yellow eyed demon again. His eyes widened and he tried shooting at him. The demon just smiled.

"What you thought I wasn't going to come around? You can't kill me Dean. You are worthless and because of you, your brother isn't going to see daylight again." He laughed and Dean turned and decided to run. He knew when he couldn't fight and he told himself there was no shame in that but heading in the other direction, he saw the yellow eyed demon ahead of his path once again and he took a breath, slowly exhaling to calm himself down. He was a hunter damn it and he was not afraid of him! He killed him once even!

"That's where you're wrong," he told Dean. "I see that you have yourself a nice little nephew. The angel blood doesn't matter much to me. I could still bleed into that little boy's mouth and you will be powerless to stop me. He's going to be the best leader yet. One who has angel and demon blood? Come on Dean, think of the possibilities." He clapped him on and shoulder and Dean backed up.

He found himself against a tree and couldn't back away anymore. He didn't want to listen to him, he couldn't but all he said had been true. If he just reached out to Sam instead of ridiculing him, he would never have ran off with Ruby. Hell he wouldn't have ever had to give his life. Maybe his first child would be alive rather than dying so soon. She was too young and he couldn't believe he could be so dense to not even think about Sam and Cas so early on. They were always at each other's throats it seemed but Dean didn't know Cas and Sam seemed to click with him.

"You know what your problem is Dean? You care about everybody else. You wanted daddy to care, you lost Sam because of it. You wanted Sammy back, you lost your daddy. You lost Sammy over me and I hate to say it kid that I told you so. I told you he would be mine and then you let yourself be taken." He smirked and Dean was really starting to hate him. He felt himself sweating and the demon just laughed. "Then you lost Sammy but not to death. You lost your bond and then he hooked up with that angel. You know what a kid from an angel and human could do? I have to get in there and bleed in that kid's mouth!"

"You aren't touching him you son of a bitch! You aren't touching the only thing that I have left of Sam!" his vision was blurring and the yellow eyed demon laughed like he didn't believe him. Dean would have continued but his tongue felt too thick and he wouldn't be able to get the words out even if it wasn't, he couldn't think properly.

He must have been imagining it because he felt a sharp piercing pain in his chest and then darkness. He gladly welcomed it.

* * *

He woke up and the room spun for a second. Gabriel was hovering over him and he wondered how he got here. He quickly tried to remember anything beyond the pounding in his head and finally it all came back to him. He tried to kick the blankets off of him and went to stand but Gabriel pushed him back.

"There is no way you are going to do anything, just rest and you can worry about that tomorrow. What ever happened you can-"

"The yellow eyed demon is back and he is after Emmanuel!" Dean shouted out.

Gabriel remained confused and Dean couldn't help but get annoyed at him. The demon that was responsible for so many deaths that fell on the Winchester brothers was free. He couldn't believe it because he knew that he killed him. He used the colt to do it but for some reason, the demon refused to stay dead. Emmanuel he told himself. You have to make sure he is safe. You can't let the only thing left behind as a reminder to be hurt no matter how powerful he is and how much he could smite the demon where it stands. That was because the thirteen month old was vulnerable.

"You worry too much," Gabriel just told him with a sigh.

Dean glared.

"Well when you are walking home with a bag full of groceries and worrying about getting home in one piece, then you could be entitled to be irritated. But I'm not just irritated, I'm pissed." Gabriel rolled his eyes as though he heard this speech before. He frowned thinking he had one just like it but couldn't discern where he had. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"No, everything is hunky dory," Gabriel quickly said with a smile.

"Then where is Emmanuel?" Dean asked suspiciously.

"Jeeze, he's still at the aquarium with Bobby although he's on his way back because you were a moron and was jumped by a genie on your way back doing something we both told you not to-"

"Emmanuel wanted his juice," Dean quickly defended. "How could you tell me not to when he loves it so much!"

"Babe, I know and I know you don't like it but a genie jumped you on your way back and you didn't even think to bring anything with you-"

Dean glared and then he jumped realizing what Gabriel was getting at.

"You mean I was jumped by a bunch of genies?"

Gabriel clucked his tongue but before he could answer, he was beaten to it.

"Actually it was just two."

Dean's face actually broke out in shock at that. No it couldn't be, he fought so hard for that to be true but it couldn't be because nothing would have happened. He didn't make a deal with a demon and he knew that he didn't even pray. Cas should know if this was real, if this was happening and he would have been happy again. He couldn't force himself from a small bubbling form of happiness from seeping in however. Who could he to deny this dream? And if it was a dream, he hoped it continued because how else could he even come to cope with this not being real? He finally got a hold of himself and said the first thing to come to his mind.

"Sammy? I thought you were dead?"

* * *

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think so far.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Four

"In the flesh actually," Sam admitted.

Dean didn't waste another moment. Rushing out of bed, he quickly pulled Sam into a tight hug and held on like he was going to lose him again. This couldn't be Sam, but he couldn't let himself deny this. He couldn't go on with himself believing Sam was gone. Sam seemed to awkwardly pat his back although his facial expression remained the same. Dean was confused for a moment but Sam explained for them.

"I was hunting them back ever since one of them attacked me. I thought you would be the next victim because it seems the motive behind all this was the fact that the genie you killed about two, three years ago was their parent."

Dean looked grossed out at that.

"But Sammy you're back," he said happily. His face fell though wondering how the hell he got out of the cage at all. This wasn't normal. "How did you get out?"

"I don't know," Sam told him and once again, Dean's mind was telling him something was not quite right about Sam. Sam was emotional and he showed expressions but for some reason, Sam now wasn't. He ignored the red flag in his mind that went off, too excited at the prospect of having Sam. "One minute I was in the cage and the next I'm in the field. I originally didn't know how long it was and then I looked at the calendar. I was in hell for one earth day. I looked everywhere though and I still don't know who brought me back."

"Did you ask Cas?" Dean asked. He was very surprised that Sam didn't have any reaction to his boyfriend. He half expected him to go off and ask how he was and everything.

"I called but he never answers," Sam told him, he seemed pretty mindful of the powerless archangel in the corner however and Dean rolled his eyes. "I tried to find the answer though. I've tried for weeks and I finally gave up-"

"Wait?" Dean threw a hand up. "Weeks? You knew for weeks and you not once, I don't know, checked to see if your family was okay? Your son has been growing up without you, you immoral douche bag!"

Sam threw up his arms in surrender.

"I'm sorry Dean but I had to find it out and if I bothered you, do you really think you wouldn't throw holy water at me. You'd leave the life you had left behind when you were so happy not to be hunting-"

"Who would tell you this?" Dean demanded. "You had no right to make that decision Sam! The only ones who should get to decide would be your family. We want you in our lives. Without you, I thought I lost myself. Hell Cas is lost and he isn't getting better!"

Sam sat back already looking quite bored with the conversation.

"Can we get over talking about our feeling now and actually get back to the case of the genies?" he asked so seriously that Dean had to cut back a surprised look. His brother wasn't like this. He wasn't.

Before he could demand anything out of it though, Bobby came through the door with Emmanuel and the small toddler squealed, running up to him and begging to be picked up. Seeing this, Dean relaxed realizing this must have been a post hell thing. If anyone could understand hell, it was Dean and if Sam was having issues with being touchy feely after hell, well Dean wasn't going to judge.

"Damn it Sam, I told you to call me," Bobby greeted and Dean's jaw dropped.

"You knew? You knew he was fine and you didn't even tell me Bobby?" Dean asked, feeling himself crumbling. "I wanted to know he was okay Bobby and even though I wouldn't have been able to see him, I had the right to know. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Dean you were happy," Bobby admitted. "You met Gabriel again and you had enough on your plate with Cas being a jack ass which is nothing new but I didn't want to add more to your plate-"

"Cas is in this state because of Sam's heroic sacrifice!" Dean shouted. "And what did this all get us huh? You want to tell me why the hell you couldn't say anything and don't give me the garbage because we don't deserve to be treated this way-"

"Cas knows Dean," Sam answered in a matter of fact tone. "He's known since the beginning. He just doesn't come Dean and I've been wondering the same things, who got me out, how they did, and why. I couldn't just let you come back into hunting. You hated doing it and you still do-"

"Well now my retirement is over because I'm going to help you find answers!"

"Dean no-"

"If you say that one more time Sam, I don't care how old you are, I will put you over my knee," Dean warned.

Sam cracked a grin and Dean felt himself relaxing. Sam wasn't any different; he just was away for too long. On that note though, it surprised Dean that Sam was handling Emmanuel different as well. Sammy, he thought. What would I do without you?

"Wait, you were hunting this whole time? Who were you hunting with?" Dean's curiosity got the best of him.

"You could say they're family," Sam answered lowering his wiggling son. "They actually have been in the business for a while."

"Well don't sugar coat it Sam. I didn't even know we had more family members," Dean told him picking up Emmanuel himself. The thirteen month old went back to his old habit of putting his thumb and index finger in his mouth. The kid had been through so much so Dean never did anything about it and to his shock, Sam didn't seem to care at all. He couldn't place it but something was different about him. Now that the shock of having him back was gone, it was surreal that Sam wasn't like he used to be. Hell changes a person and Dean couldn't judge because he was never stuck in a cage with Michel or Lucifer but he didn't think Sam would change this much. He frowned seeing Emmanuel whimper when Sam headed for the kitchen as though thinking he was going to leave without him.

"Kiddo, he's just going to the kitchen," Dean said with a sigh. Sam came back and picked his small son up, causing Dean to smile. At least somebody else was doing right by Emmanuel as well. "So what about these genies?"

"They've been attacking people that go near the woods, that's for certain. Uh, for some reason the patterns of these monsters have been changing. Not much at all like we're used to seeing. Remember mom's maiden name? Campbell?"

"Yeah, what about it Sam?" Dean asked.

"Well the family I said I had been working with, they're Campbells. We have our third cousins, third cousins I forget how many times removed and what not, and then our grandfather Samuel." Dean quickly sat up straighter for a second time that day and looked stunned.

"Wait Sam, Samuel is dead. He died before we were born-"Sam put up a hand to silence him before saying himself.

"That's what we all thought but no. Whatever brought me up took him down from heaven. I don't know who was responsible and if we don't get any answers soon, well, I don't know what I'd do."

Dean nodded.

"Maybe I could call Cas-"

"He doesn't answer me ever. What more do I have to tell you?" Sam looked smug about that and Dean arched an eyebrow.

"Cas, you jack ass, we have valuable information. Supposedly two genies are on the loose attacking people and we need to find out what's behind this. Come on Cas, work with me here. I know you're busy-"

"He's not going to fall for that-he's right behind me isn't he?" Dean nodded and Sam turned around to see Cas about a foot away from him. Sam looked him up and down but otherwise didn't say anything about the angel's appearance.

"Hello Sam."

"Hello? You ignore me for almost a whole year and the first thing you say is hello?" Sam asked and Cas nodded. "Well you better get used to not lying with anybody because you mister have cock blocked yourself from me. I don't want to hear any of you're whining either-"

"What?" Cas asked tilting his head in confusion.

"Sam talk English, you're making Cas confused," Dean quickly told his brother. He turned to Cas with a small smile. "He basically said you aren't getting sex from him. Doesn't that burn much? Before you couldn't keep your hands off each other. I wonder how long this is going to last-"

"I don't care about that right now, what about these genies?" Cas asked and Dean found he and Gabriel were the only one that was miffed about that. Sam didn't seem to care-about anything. Emmanuel whimpered before tugging on his papa's trench coat. Cas sighed but picked him up and continued. "It has gotten weird. We need to catch them and stop them before some other victim has to pay-"

"How about we use ourselves as bait?" Dean asked. Everyone looked at him, even Bobby who had been searching through books that would be useful for genies. "What the genies want revenge on me and Sam for what we did to their parent. It seems like something that would work."

"I'm not risking you or Sam," Cas quickly countered and Dean found himself happy that Cas was back to defending the man he loved. Cas seemed to be a bit happier although he continuously sent Sam some really weird looks, thus freaking Dean out a little. "We could do this another way-"

"It's perfect, "Sam quickly said. "I mean who's going to know that we are setting them up before it's too late huh? It should work well-"

"Sam no." it was Bobby and Dean found himself snorting. Bobby glared at him before turning back to the younger Winchester with an unhappy expression. "Didn't granddaddy say to take it easy? You broke your fricking arm!"

"Am I the only one out of the loop?" Dean asked and Cas was about to open his mouth, most likely asking what that meant but Dean quickly shushed him with a look before turning back to Sam and Bobby. He finally noticed the cast covering Sam's right arm and could have sworn he hadn't saw that there before. Maybe he really hadn't noticed how hurt his little brother was. He was still angry though and Sam should have known he would have wanted to have been included.

"For a whole year, you seem to forget that Cas and I, we were worried about Sam. We didn't know you was back specifically but we knew you were in the cage with two revengeful angels and that doesn't give us a warm feeling inside. So pray tell, why didn't you tell me anything? You continuously keep things from me and it's pissing me off!"

"Dean," Sam said and Dean looked at him with a wane expression. "I know that you don't like it, I didn't but I know now that I should have told you alright? I'm sorry but I couldn't think right and the Campbells were there. They helped me out. What's more, I've been hunting with them without a single break so maybe I wasn't thinking but I just didn't contact you-"

"Like hell you didn't," Dean snapped. At Sam's patronizing look, Dean simpered down. There was no way he was going to get out of hand with this. Sam at least understood that Dean didn't like the fact that he lied and didn't contact him all this time. "But that's something we could address at a later time. Uh, so the genies. Why are they attacking other people as well?"

"Because they are out of control," Sam answered and Dean nodded. This they could start with. "Okay, I'm going to be frank with you here because you're my brother and I love you. Do you think they are I don't know, just in the woods looking for victims that have committed crimes for a reason? I mean, they're not bothering anyone else."

"It doesn't matter," Sam told him. "They don't need to be there endangering people."

Dean nodded.

"Fine, it's time to get rid of some genies."

Sam smiled at that and Dean noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes like it used to. Where was the Sam that was always easy to read by looking at his eyes? He seemed to change so much since his departure and Dean was starting to hate it.

"Let's meet family first."

He guessed he could do that.

* * *

"This is Christian, that's Johnny and Mark. That there is Gwen," Sam introduced in members in turn, switching Emmanuel to the other hip and Christian seemed interested in the kid for some reason. Dean quickly got between them making the guy irritated but he didn't care. No one was going to touch his nephew without his saying so.

"So that's our fourth cousin huh," The young woman, Gwen asked. "He's so cute."

Sam stopped her from pinching his cheeks though, not in the mood to explain the part where his son was half angel if he could help it. Emmanuel hid his face in his shirt making Gwen aw. Sam knew he was playing the shy card at impossible times nowadays because Dean mentioned him doing that at stores now but this time he really didn't seem to be playing anybody. He really did seem to shy away from the Campbells.

"You have a kid huh?" Christian asked. "Well aren't you the lucky one. Me and Arlene have been trying for some time but you hardly seemed to have tried at all-"

"Yeah, his honey bunny must be lucky to have knocked him up even though it wasn't planned. I'll tell Sam to teach the guy about condoms and what forth so they don't make a mistake." Dean quickly cut in sarcastically.

Sam bent forward and whispered, "Dean they weren't mistakes."

At this Dean rolled his eyes wondering when it was that Sam forgot the meaning of sarcasm. He let it go though and added it to the file of things he was going to save for later when he was away from such a prying family.

"So a guy huh? You're the one that got pregnant Sam? Well, all the more power to you I guess. If you could carry the bugger for nine months and go through the pain of getting him out, then you deserve that little kiddo."

"It was actually thirty weeks and three days. He was born about three pounds and twelve ounces so really wasn't that big-"Dean gave him a look and Sam took that the cue to stop running his mouth before the others realized their nephew was technically half supernatural himself. "Right I'm shutting my mouth now."

Gwen giggled and tried to touch the little hands before Dean quickly got in the way. At her glare, Dean smiled and shot her one of his more satisfying grins before he was interrupted by Samuel arriving. The man took one look at the baby though and didn't seem to be as surprised as the other Campbells. Instead, he greeted Sam like he usually did and then clapped Dean on the back like they were old friends.

"Give me some time with my grandsons, okay?" The other Campbells left reluctantly and then once they were gone, Samuel motioned for Emmanuel but no coercion could get Emmanuel away from his daddy. "Okay you could leave him there; it looks like he doesn't like his great granddaddy. He'll warm up to me soon."

Dean had to fight not to snort.

This was a man that came across him as being behind something in which he couldn't understand and he couldn't really trust the man as far as he could throw him, he just didn't know him. As for Sam and the fact that he was being really trustful to a man he himself only knew for a year it seemed, well Dean couldn't believe he would risk Emmanuel like that.

"Alright we need to take care of the genie-"

"First things first, we need to talk."

Dean did snort this time.

"About what?"

"Don't take that tone with me. I'm just trying to help out and you could stand to at least listen. I was talking about how I came to be here. I know that I've been dead for a while."

"You have no idea. Am I the only one that seems worried about you popping topside and gramps popping down earth side? Hell, I couldn't be more worried about what this would mean. And you aren't exactly the same as I remembered."

Samuel smiled.

"That's because you didn't know me. Not really and we get that chance now. We can all hunt the genies."

"Use me and Sam as bait so that they could come after us. We'll set up a trap for them and everything-"

"How would we know if you're in trouble?" Samuel asked quickly. He was still eyeing Emmanuel who seemed to be hanging on tightly to his daddy's shirt in case Sam tried to give him to the stranger again.

"Do you have some form of radio?" Dean asked irritably. When Samuel shook his head, Dean smiled. "Well we have baby monitors. I know it's not perfect but we use them when Emmanuel goes to sleep in his room and turn it up high. Who knows when that thing would activate or a demon tries to take him."

"Well that could work. We do that and we can catch the genies."

Dean knew he was going to regret it but he let the man have a chance. What kind of person would he be if he hadn't anyways? He always taught his brother to give them out and he'd be damned if he didn't take his own advice seriously. Because really? How bad could it be trusting family?

* * *

The genies were taken care of and just before Samuel left, he let his finger trace Emmanuel's sleeping form all the while Dean fought hard not to pry him away from the kid as far as he could. After that, he left and Sam was still there, watching as his son's even and deep breathing. Dean smiled and sat beside him all the while realizing that this is the happiest that Emmanuel has been in a while. He was always whiny it seemed and whilst Dean couldn't blame him he could now see what had been missing.

"You know we couldn't control what the genies did," Sam said and Dean blinked. He knew that. The girl didn't have to die but it seemed that it had been hours so Dean's conscience was less damaged but damaged nonetheless. He should have been able to save that girl. "I'm glad you offered that grand idea."

Dean was confused.

It must of showed because Sam continued, "I'm not like you. I risk things without thinking and for some reason I can't care about how it is going to impact anyone, I just do it so the fact that you thought up a way that wouldn't leave anyone in the danger of really dying was smart."

"Sam you are like that. You over think things if anything else and you clearly have been gone in hell one day too long because you seemed to have forgotten that brother."

"No I'm not like that," Sam said and Dean stopped cold in his tracks. "I mean I try to think if I did this would a person die? Would I feel sad about it or would I be okay that the job is done and everything went along like I planned barring the person that didn't deserve to die? I know that the job is important and getting there is the part that counts. We're going to lose someone so why be down if we couldn't save them all, right?"

Dean couldn't believe the talk he was hearing. It was almost pure madness and nothing like the gentle Sam he came to know and love. His brother was too different and now, he had a feeling it had nothing to do with hell.

No, this feeling was much worse and he swore before promising himself it would get better. Sam couldn't have just said that he was okay with a person being unheedingly sacrificed and not caring. Sam cared. He just couldn't show it for some reason. Dean cursed and closed his eyes as he felt a head ache come on.

He would have to watch Sam more closely now than ever.

* * *

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think so far.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Five

Cas stared blankly as Dean shoved Emmanuel into his arms. The small child squirmed before settling into his arms and hugging him tightly. Cas still continued to ignore that for a moment until Dean moved back and he was left with the still irate child. After a couple of minutes with saying nothing and just looking back and forth between Dean and his child, Dean finally had enough.

"I told you why you had to take him and you agreed," Dean crossed his arms as he explained what a five year old would understand. Cas nodded slowly and Dean felt like he was going to pull his own hair out. Scratch that, he'll pull Cas's. He didn't think the angel could feel the pain anyways. "Remember the case I told you about Cas. The one with a supposed Gabriel's horn-"

Cas was gone along with Emmanuel and then the next second, he appeared back, the child still in his arms. Dean jumped back and glared at the angel before fighting to get his breathing back under control.

"Cas don't do that-"

"It's not Gabriel's horn though. What can I do with him though Dean? I have got something to do-"

"Cancel that, you have a son! If you didn't want one you shouldn't have fucked my brother as much as you have." Dean grinned seeing the muscles of Cas's mouth twitching in irritation. He continued before Cas could interrupt. "You can take him to the park or take him with you to heaven-"

"There's a war up there," Cas snapped.

Dean grin widened. At least Cas was showing something. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't know how to handle this situation but Dean needed him to at least feel something. Everything boiled down to the fact that Cas was afraid to lose his son like he did his daughter. He was also afraid of losing his son like he had Sam in the past. Dean frowned when he thought of Sam. They got along now but they weren't on the same level as before. At least they had one common ground, Dean thought irritably.

"Fine take him to the park, take him swimming-"

"He's too little," Cas pointed out.

"DO SOMETHING WITH HIM I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS!" Dean forced himself to calm down. Cas was like a little child and if he lost his patience and snapped at the angel, it wouldn't accomplish anything but make him more irritated.

"Fine I will," Cas told him finally.

Emmanuel was playing with Cas's buttons and put one in his mouth. Cas quickly ended that and Emmanuel put his arms around his father's neck and kissed his cheek.

"Papa," he squealed in joy.

Cas knew he was done in when his little boy did that. There was no telling the little child who had eyes so much like Sam's no when the child pled with them. He would just have to have some fun with him.

"I'll take him out but what if you or Sam need me?"

"Bring him with papa," Dean told him. "It's not like he's completely human anyways. We still have no electricity since last week thanks to his little temper tantrum."

Cas raised an eyebrow and Dean gave him a push towards the door.

"Have fun Cas and tell your son how much you love him!"

Cas never wanted to smite a man as much as he wanted to smite Dean right now but looking at Emmanuel who was talking to him with his big wide blue eyes and actually trusting him not to screw up, it made Cas feel better. He knew he wasn't perfect but he tried and he saw that his son knew that.

He let a soft smile fall on his face as he transferred him to his other hip.

"Time to go to the circus Emmanuel."

Emmanuel clapped.

Apparently he didn't have his daddy's fear of clowns yet.

* * *

"Cas get your ass over here right now!"

Cas did appear but it was how he did that made Dean burst into laughter and Sam to smirk. Cas ignored that and placed Emmanuel on the bed, quickly sitting next to him as he tried to listen to what he was needed for.

"So huh, yeah we wanted to know if you ever dealt with the goddess of truth before," Sam spoke up because Dean was still occupied with the fact that Cas had paint on his face. Cas became annoyed after a moment and turned to Dean with a glare on his face.

"They said this stuff was completely washable Dean and Emmanuel wanted me to get one or he wouldn't do it!" Dean only laughed harder and Sam arched an eyebrow making Cas twitch. It had been too long; he thought and quickly tried to push them down before those exact feelings out of the open. He didn't want to get into Sam's pants right now. Not the way he was acting anyhow. "Besides it cheered him up after the clowns."

"Clowns?" Sam asked curiously. Dean rolled his eyes and stood up, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Why would he be in contact with clowns?"

"I took him to the circus. They had face painting and there happened to be clowns there-"

"And let me guess, Emmanuel did something to them?" Sam asked and Dean looked over in irritation. He didn't like this new Sam much and just wanted his Sammy back. Sometimes he was afraid to even get into bed knowing that Sam had changed so much and was practically a stranger now.

"He, uh, set them on fire," Cas admitted causing Dean to choke with silent laughter once again. Cas glared once before turning over to Emmanuel and picking him up. He wasn't a baby anymore and he sure liked to walk but at the end of the day, he also liked to be picked up and loved. He quickly placed him under the covers and kissed his forehead, seeing the small fifteen month old suck at his thumb as his eyes closed. Dean would have given anything to see this interaction earlier in the year and mentally smacked himself for not having some sort of task to do leaving him with Cas early on.

"So he set him on fire and you got his face painted?" Sam asked and then shrugged. Dean wanted to smack the back of his head but got control of himself before he did more than that. Bobby was looking into it and after the run in with the vamps in which Samuel had asked who the other father to the baby was; Dean was finding it hard to trust the Campbells. He really couldn't trust Sam either and that was saying something. Sighing he sat back and smiled as Cas continued to lightly run his hand through the kid's baby fine light brown hair.

"I have to go check something really quick and since he needs a nap, I'll leave him here to sleep. Once I come back I'll take him to the zoo," Cas finally said and Dean nodded with a widened smile. Cas was coming a long way today and he bet it was because Emmanuel was starting to talk a lot. He talked before but then again he had also been really fussy.

Dean nodded seeing that Cas was already gone.

"What says you that he's back in fifteen minutes-"

"I'm back," Cas announced and Dean silently cursed. Why the hell did he always do this to spook him out?

"Here's the information that you would need about the Goddess of truth. I'll be back later and have Emmanuel tucked in-"

"You're leaving him here?" Dean asked and Cas shook his head.

"I never said about leaving, I want to stay and watch over him."

Dean nodded and Sam got the research that Cas dug around for with a smile. Cas seemed to be watching Sam a little too much just then and Dean wondered if the angel was fighting for control since Sam had returned in their life. Sam wasn't exactly Mr. innocent himself but Cas had surprised him with the text messages. It was incredibly dirty. Now the only question was, could Cas really last without bending Sam over a table or a counter? Dean's sensitive eyes didn't want to see that so he really hoped Cas could control himself. After a minute he snapped his fingers and Cas quickly scooped Emmanuel in his arms and was gone.

* * *

Sam had no soul.

Dean was in shock now that he knew how much sense it actually made and it was disturbing to think of how much he was in denial these last months. So Sam was really still in the cage, that meant. It also meant that his body was running around topside and had no morals, compassion, or even a conscience whatsoever. He was grateful they had found the issue but now he needed the fix. He couldn't handle the fact that Sam went around like this. It also meant that his contact with Emmanuel had to be limited since he didn't want Sam alone with the child. He didn't want him hurt.

This only meant he spent a lot of time with his papa.

"Why Dean?" Cas asked one time as he handed the almost toddler, a box of juice. Emmanuel proudly grabbed it in his hand before sucking at the straw. He laughed before banging it on the small coffee table that Bobby seemed to be leaving there forever and hugging his stuffed dog to him. Gabriel had given him that gift before he was even born and even now the small boy refused to part with it. "I remember you saying I could do it when I had the time-"

"Perfect, me and Sam have a case and I don't want him alone with Sam and besides what happened to him being powerful and all-"

"HE'S JUST A BABY!" Cas yelled.

Emmanuel perked up and handed Dean his water downed Oreo. Dean looked at it with a weird expression before quickly thanking him and turning back to Cas. Emmanuel frowned as they continued to argue and pouted his lip.

"De," he cried. Bouncing in his eye chair, he waited for Dean to respond and huffed angrily when they continued talking.

"I don't care Dean, Sam is still his daddy and he would never hurt him. Did you see him with Emmanuel the other day? He may not have a soul but he does have a heart still and that hasn't forgotten how important he is to him."

"Well fine, then you and Sam could take him to a park and kiss in a tree for all I care, I'm on a case and you need to watch him-"

Emmanuel looked over angrily and the next second, there was silence. Looking triumphant, Emmanuel picked up his juice and resumed drinking it. He laughed when Dean put up his fist and acted threatening. It wasn't scary at all. Daddy was missing the fun!

Cas didn't say anything for a while, even though he was muted by his own son and Dean rose an eyebrow. Cas reached for a pad and started writing words in block letters which Dean began to do.

'BITCH'.

Dean sniggered as he showed Cas and Cas being Cas quickly started writing down his own letters. When he finished he showed them to Dean who just groaned at Cas's naivety.

'I'M NOT A DOG.'

He quickly scribbled a reply and showed it to Cas himself.

'YOU'RE A WHINY BABY, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!'

Cas glared angrily and Dean laughed before grabbing a new page from the notepad he had in his hands and would've continued had Sam hadn't took them both away.

"What's wrong with you guys?" he asked curiously and when both of them glared at him, Sam blinked and wondered what he did wrong this time. He didn't forget something as far as he knew but he could have and Dean was always yelling saying he didn't use his head to think. He did. He thought a lot clearer without this soul. Suddenly it clicked when he realized why they were so quiet and Emmanuel started to laugh, spraying cookie crumbs from his mouth.

This Sam didn't do kids. They were messy and sloppy. He quickly thought of a way out of having to pick the kid out of the high chair and saw that both his brother and the angel were glaring at each other again. This was so childish, he thought. He knew practically that they were like siblings that were told not to pull the other's hair and so they were just glaring heatedly until the parent turned their back again. Sam didn't know the feelings aspect of this and couldn't assess anything out of his scope of understanding. So instead he spoke up.

"Did you guys want to take Emmanuel before he makes a mess all over the floor?" he asked loudly.

"Dada," Emmanuel greeted.

Sam nodded and turned back to them, his back to the small child. Emmanuel whined and Dean quickly turned Sam around and motioned for him to pick the kid up. He knew he shouldn't trust him at all but Emmanuel's happiness was the whole reason he was doing this.

Sam hesitated before lifting him up, holding him at arm's length. The boy was definitely a lot of Cas but had him mixed in as well. Nobody could deny that this was their kid. Emmanuel was Sam's and Cas's kid. But then again, Sam reminded himself that it was the Sam with a soul who owned this kid and not him. It made him feel slightly better about it then and he quickly handed him to Cas, finding a napkin and cleaning the squirming kid's face.

"He needs a bath," Dean finally said and glared at Emmanuel for taking it away in the first place.

"Want a bath?" Cas asked.

Emmanuel clapped.

"Baf, baf, papa pease?" Emmanuel tipped his head sideways with his hands tucked underneath and gave such a sweet face, Cas couldn't deny him. Dean had taken one look and rolled his eyes. This was definitely Sam all over again, minus the power. Hell even Sam had had whined, screamed, and cried when he was left in a highchair too long. He even threw things and got way too dirty. So in retrospect, even though the kid looked almost ninety eight percent Cas, his attitude was pure Sam.

Dean let himself smile realizing that Emmanuel's parents were getting payback for what they did with their parents. Not so much Cas but Sam was a rebel and he was bratty to a certain extent. Dean hid a smirk remembering the line, whatever done as a child would be ten times worse in their own child. It was the ultimate revenge of parents to their child. They were rebels and rebelled so much that when they had their own kids, their parents could tell them that they told them so and they could realize just how hard they were on their parents.

Dean frowned though.

Sam was going to get his soul back and he was definitely going to going to make sure of that. Sam needed to be there for his son and he already missed so much. He was going to definitely get it back. He owed him. And he was his big brother. He made a promise long ago and it never held true, not once until now.

Because he was not going to let anything bad happen to him anymore.

* * *

Cas sighed.

They were trying to find out whether Samuel had a soul or not since Sam's was absent and at first the man was highly put out by their reactions. It probably would have helped if they explained the situation but Dean wanted him to check first and Christian ran in like a bat from hell and demanded to know what was going on.

"We're fine, go back outside," Samuel quickly told him.

Christian eyed them, finally nodding before leaving them alone again. He did so reluctantly closing the door behind him. When the door snapped shut, their grandpa stared at them as though waiting for an explanation that he had no intention of asking for.

"Sam has no soul," Dean quickly said, realizing that their grandpa wasn't going to listen to anymore unless they told him something.

"So you had an angel check if I had a soul?" Samuel asked. Then it seemed to click with him. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize-but it makes so much sense now. You are my grandson Sam but sometimes you just scare me."

Sam nodded like this was a pointless and inane conversation. Quickly though, Samuel seemed to piece another thing together before he could stop himself and asked it as well.

"Were you and that pretty boy angel ever together?" Samuel couldn't believe it. That meant that his own great grandson was half a supernatural creature. They had uses for them and yet he didn't want to say it aloud and alert them. So instead he sighed. "Why wouldn't you tell me about this? Did the angel talk you into this?"

"Apparently we loved each other." Sam told him with a shrug. "A lot."

Samuel nodded finding himself even more interested in how an angel could come to like even love an insignificant human. Still it was more interesting to know if the son got the powers of his dad. He knew that demons talked as well and they said something about a powerful child which he had been hoping to meet. Maybe, just maybe he'd get what he'd ever wanted at last if he delivered that special child. Quickly though he tried to seem disinterested. Didn't want them to assume things.

"So Emmanuel is the son of this angel and you?" At Sam's nod, Samuel shook him away. "That's an abomination you know? Half breed angels and next you're going to find yourself with half breed vampires, half breed aliens."

"Aren't there no such things as aliens?" Funnily enough it had been Sam who had said that. Samuel took one look at him and scowled.

"All of you get out!"

They were outside and into the Impala when Dean turned to Sam and acted like he was about to say something to him. Sam waited, not realizing how much Dean really wanted to ask the question but just as he opened his mouth, he quickly closed it. There was no way he could even get past asking a question like that and Sam finally asked him what he wanted.

"You say you don't feel anything and I know it's farfetched even asking but you don't care about me, you don't care about Cas, and you don't seem to care about anybody else either. Please just tell me this one thing though. Does Emmanuel at least make your heart twinge a little? Can you at least feel something if something were to happen to him? He's your baby Sam and that's just not something to shut off and I would like to hope that even without a soul, you could still come to somewhat love him," Dean added.

Sam nodded listening and he could tell that Dean was worried. He thought of the kid and found himself thinking from the practical side of things. He knew Emmanuel was a fifteen month old and that soon he was going to be a two year old toddler. As a one year old, he was still considered a baby and yet didn't act like one. He whined, he had dangerous temper tantrums, but he did love the people he trusted with all his heart. Sam tried to look for any feelings he felt for the boy. Dean was right and Emmanuel was born from his body so even without the soul, he knew he should feel the instinct to protect him. Oddly enough, he didn't feel a thing.

He couldn't feel. He couldn't have an emotion. He could say something was funny and laugh along but he didn't feel like it was funny. That was the same way with Emmanuel. He knew he should care for him and he let himself care for him but in a deeper way, he didn't feel anything for the kiddo. He told Dean this and saw him sag into the seat. He wondered at first if it were the wrong thing to say but Dean sat up and seemingly smiled. He didn't seem to want to say anything and Sam was fine with that. Maybe Dean was sad again.

When they arrived back at Bobby's house, Dean got Emmanuel out of his car seat before Sam could even get out of the passenger seat. Sam didn't care either way and walked into the house without looking back. He missed the look that Dean shot to Gabriel who was shushing them as he twisted something on a wire of one of the cars Bobby was working for.

Gabriel was doing a lot of pranks lately to make up for the fact that he was now a mortal of sorts. He didn't seem to miss his archangel powers and continuously went on to show that he was okay with where he was now. Dean sighed and set Emmanuel down in a tire to play and seeing him place the stuffed dog on the tire with him, he turned just in time for Gabriel to crash his lips onto his. Dean moaned and allowed him to, breaking free hastily when Cas was right there glaring as he gently lifted his son from the ground. The tire was nowhere in sight and Dean groaned just thinking where in the hell Emmanuel could place the thing.

"I'm taking him to the park for a few hours," Cas managed to say.

Dean nodded.

"Hey Cas?"

Cas looked back and Dean managed a small smile. He was glad that Cas was no longer leaving his son behind and neglecting him. Now he wished he could fix Sam. He fixed Sam and everything would be perfect, he thought.

"Thanks for reminding me every day that you are a great father." Cas smiled and turned to Emmanuel who was giving funny faces as though he was trying to make him laugh. Cas did and tickled him on the tummy, making the kid giggle and curl up into him.

"Papa, no. Don'" Cas stopped just enough to nod to Dean. He didn't go out and say it but he knew what it meant. It meant thank you on a much deeper level than words could ever mean. Dean smiled more brightly after they left, just glad that he could fix something at least. Arms encircled his waste and Gabriel was in his line of vision.

"I think I've been lonely for a little while now, don't you?"

Dean didn't understand why Gabriel even had to ask.

* * *

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think so far.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Six

Dean didn't have time for this.

He had a cranky child who refused to go to bed, a brother with no soul, and Cas called him on a cellphone to say he couldn't come take Emmanuel. Dean was furious that Cas had the nerve to call him instead of coming himself and telling him that. Sam was off doing who knew what and Dean really hoped that it wasn't another fight in public. Sam getting drunk he could deal with. Sam having sex was a scary thought but he was still okay with that as well. Sam causing disaster and mayhem was something he would never be alright with.

Dean had to get Sam's soul back. He was convinced that if he couldn't, he could at least try any different option instead of doing nothing at all. He turned to Emmanuel who seemed to quiet down when he bounced him on his knee and sighed.

"Emmanuel, let's see what daddy's doing?"

"Dada, me dada," Emmanuel babbled and Dean sighed.

This kid was way too smart for his own good. Sam was luckily only in the other room and he was looking through the books that Dean actually asked him to look through. Now Dean was not only impressed but he was glad too. He took a seat beside him and let Emmanuel sit at the coffee table near them. The kid turned and blew a raspberry, laughing when he thought no one was looking. Dean didn't know whether to laugh at Emmanuel's amusement or cry because they were on a case and the kid was going to need someone to watch him.

"I think that we should at least think about this," Sam spoke up seeing how Dean was too quiet. "I mean to betray our own grandfather-"

"He double crossed us first with Crowley Sam and you were bent on shooting him as well!" Dean paused with a frown. "They were both planning on getting Cas there so they could kidnap Emmanuel. It's a good thing we have him with us. Besides if they know what's good for them, they'd try not to mess with the kid."

Sam found himself smirking.

"So I take it the clowns didn't recover yet?"

"Nope, they're still in the hospital claiming that your kid is a demon raised from the deep depths of hell-"

"Not my kid," Sam quickly spoke up. "It's the Sam who has a soul. It's his kid, and he has feelings for the kid that I can't have."

"Can't or won't?" Dean asked irritably. They were doing so good and Sam seemed to be getting it. But now there was this and Dean didn't want to remember all this and hoped it was a dream.

"Can't. I bet if I had a soul, I'd love him just the same as you do-"

"If you had a soul, you'd love him more because you actually gave birth to him," Dean snapped. Sam was quiet for a while. Dean knew that he was going to regret it but he had to get some air and both of them were making him quite hostile. He needed a break from the small child as well as from Sam who was more of a douche bag since popping out of hell wrong. "I'm going to take a walk, watch Emmanuel."

At the door, he turned around and pointed a finger at him, which Emmanuel laughed at and copied him. Dean ignored it, saying to Sam, "He has one hair out of place and we will go to that panic room so fast you won't know what hit you."

Sam nodded his understanding and Dean sighed.

"Just watch him," Dean repeated closing the door behind him. Hopefully he could trust the guy because underneath it all, it was still Sam. He realized what he needed to do now and he had a thought in mind. If he went to death, he could help him. He certainly helped with Lucifer's downfall and right now it was the only option.

* * *

Dean hadn't even finished trying to plead his case to death that he found himself in another situation soon right after. He had just got back to the motel room to pack their bags when he noticed that Emmanuel wasn't around. He silently swore, realizing it was a mistake leaving the child alone with Sam. He had no soul and therefore was not able to make good decisions. Sam looked confused until Dean went over and popped him on the side of the head with his palm. That seemed to wake him up a little at least and Sam looked quite sheepish at least.

"Where is Emmanuel!" Dean demanded. "You better start talking or I'll get Cas-"

"You get me where?" Dean jumped and wanted to strangle both of them. He started to wonder before he could stop himself how these two even had a child. How they survived this long was the better question since Cas didn't seem to understand all of the child's needs and Sam without a soul was basically an evil version of Cas. Dean pulled at his hair, sighing and then yanked on both their wrists, making them sit on the bed.

"Where is Emmanuel?" He asked more calmly in the hopes that they would answer. Cas's eyes widened and they both turned to look to Sam who looked confused.

"So you didn't tell Christian that it was okay to babysit?"

Dean dropped into his own chair in shock realizing how stupid he was now because Sam not only lacked common sense now but he couldn't tell when someone said not to leave them out of his sight, it meant that he had to hold onto the kid and not giving him to the first person that came knocking. He really wanted to hurt Sam and yet he felt a underlying pity that stopped him. Sam was gone momentarily but he couldn't hurt him and then get his soul back. He would just have to settle with him until Sam was resouled and safe.

"Fine we are going to demand Christian to give us back the child. You get to call him," he added seeing Sam still sitting where he was forced. Sam nodded and whipped out his cell phone.

Before he could even dial the number, his phone rang and he answered with a renewed vigor.

"It's Samuel, what do I tell him?" Sam asked.

Dean wanted to bash his head against the wall until his younger brother got common sense back. Sighing, he grabbed the phone from him and took a deep breath before putting it to his ear.

"Where the hell did you take my nephew?"

"Dean, what are you doing? I'm just watching the kid-"

"I don't care, he isn't yours! Sam is in Hell and even when he gets back he wouldn't want you to fucking touch him!"

Samuel seemed to sigh before he continued. "You know, I thought that you got what I was trying to do Dean. I'm doing this for your mother-"

"You can't trade mom for a baby! Mom would hate you so so much. She gave her own life for her own baby and you are willing to sacrifice her grandchild because you want her back so badly? What is wrong with you man!"

"I don't have time for all of this Dean. Crowley and me are going to just borrow him for his powers. He's heard nothing but problems from this kid as well so maybe you could do to have a break. I'll talk to you when we can-"

"GIVE HIM BACK ASSHOLE! YOU HEAR ME?" Dean forced himself to calm down knowing it wasn't going to help anyone. "You better watch your back Samuel because the next time I see you, you're dead. I'm not going to hesitate in putting a bullet through your brain. Even if it takes me years, you won't be safe and that's a promise."

Samuel hung up.

* * *

"Dean I messed up again."

Dean ignored him even though he knew he didn't blame Sam on this. He was almost like a child in most instances now that he should have left with the child so that Sam wouldn't have been allowed to even make that choice. Still, Sam had to learn that choices had consequences even when he didn't mean to do them. He refused to comment on that because it was the truth and Sam slumped back as though he didn't like the idea of Dean being mad. He didn't feel anything though and Cas himself even seemed a little bit mad.

"We need to get my son back from Crowley," Cas said eying Sam from the corner of his eye and Dean nodded.

"Yah, and after that my main concern will be with getting his soul back so if you could actually watch him until we could trust the idiot not to leave him with the first person he finds fit to take the kid away from him-"

"I thought we agreed that I'm not getting my soul back," Sam interrupted with a frown.

"You did but I didn't and this is the proof of the matter. I am not trusting a giant douche bag with no conscience with anything. You hear me!"

Sam nodded and Dean sighed.

He really hoped that Sam would at least at least shape up but it went right out the window when Emmanuel went missing. He'd have to wait a little before he could be death for a day and could only hope the man would understand. He loved Sam but he also loved that kid to death. If he cried, he would kill anyone that harmed the hair on the little kid's head and he knew in any given circumstance, Sam would do the same.

* * *

"This brat isn't going to leave, we have angel wards up you idiot," Crowley snapped when Samuel looked over his shoulder once again.

The little kid wasn't a brat, not really anyways. He kept quiet while they made the wards and even seemed to take interest in the monster they had there. Of course the alpha vamp being there was dangerous, no amount of explaining it to an sixteen month old was going to help so they point blank kept him in sight. It didn't seem to stop his endless babbles.

"Why in the world is this kid going to help us crack open the souls of purgatory anyways?" Samuel asked once Crowley seemed more calm.

"Because shut up. I don't need my reasons and this abomination is too powerful as it is. He could probably break the wall to it if he even knows what purgatory is," Crowley added. "And don't forget who his parents are. One is a fallen angel who may be stupid but would not hesitate in killing for his kid and the other may be soulless right now but won't hesitate to cut us down when he finds out that we have him."

Samuel nodded.

He turned around to find that the kid was once again not where he was supposed to be. He sighed and got Crowley's attention to the fact. Christian had been made to go interrogate the stupid alpha vamp so there was no way he could have baby sat the kid so now they were going to have to find him once again and this time it wasn't going to be pretty.

"Come on out baby doll, daddy Crowley isn't going to be happy when he finds you kid," he told himself in a silent mumble. Samuel just did what he was told.

Typical though since he only wanted his daughter Mary back. He was going to be hated by her when she did though since he was basically giving up the life of his great grandson to do it.

* * *

Emmanuel saw Christian before the guy saw him.

He wasn't stupid and when the man finally blinked, he saw what he really was and brought his little hand up to his forehead, exorcising the demon before he could try anything. He eyed the vamp as though it was a harmless puppy, which he was not by any means. He waved though and his smiles brought the vamp into a twisted smile of his own.

"So you are half angel, aren't ya kid? If you were a vamp as well I'd bet you would be the ultimate tool. Not only would you be able to go to both purgatory and heaven, but you would be unstoppable. Powers of your amount is unseen in a kid as small as you. What the hell are you doing here?"

"I daddy's an' papa's," he replied with a big lit up smile, his dimples showing.

The vamp nodded.

"And I can see that. You must have powerful parents to have created you so much-wait a Winchester didn't create you did they? I would have to guess that it was one of them and that they had a forbidden relationship to get you," His smile grew and that seemed to cause the kid to put a hand in his mouth, looking more than a little ticked off at his expression. Tough luck kid, he thought. I make the perfect animals, I don't play games.

"I's go now," he quickly told him.

He waved and the alpha vamp let him, realizing that he would eventually find him anyways. A power like that shouldn't be able to hide that for that long anyways. He frowned when Crowley and Samuel snatched the kid up, making him put the man to sleep with his index finger and Crowley reared up and smacked the boy.

"You are causing too much trouble as of yet!" Crowley turned around and kicked the man then and turned in pleasant surprise at the warning voice of the unexpected guests. They were too early. "You boys have come too early and I see Cas isn't happy with the fact that you allowed his son to be kidnapped I take it?"

Cas came forward but Samuel grabbed the kid and put a knife against him.

"You really can ruin a guy's plans can't you," Crowley bit off sarcastically.

"The last draw was taking my son Crowley. He is my mine despite everything and I didn't ask him to have unimaginable power, he was born with them and Sam sure as hell didn't want a powerful kid either."

The alpha vamp smirked at this.

"Samuel Winchester and the angel Castiel, right? What a match made in paradise. I imagine that you never wanted the attention. Well the next time you have a baby, make sure it doesn't have a soul and then you won't have to worry about such-"

"They didn't, they just fuck everywhere without consequence because supposedly that is what angels in love do," Dean snapped. He turned to Crowley and Samuel in angel. "If you don't give Emmanuel back, you both will be regretting it for your whole lives-"

"Right because I already don't regret Mary running off with that Winchester ruffian." Samuel snapped. "I wouldn't have two no good grandsons, a dead daughter, and I most definitely have a monster of a great grandson. He's a monster. We don't like angels and you should know that they are just as bad as demons but-"

"You made a fucking deal with one just so you could take out your great grandson? For what, so our mom could hate you once she gets her life back? If you didn't know by now, she was willing to give her life for her sons! Her sons and you couldn't even do that for us!"

"I have a different view on family than you boys!" Samuel yelled. "I hate that you boys were even born and that you caused Mary to die! I can't live without her, she was and still is my daughter and you don't understand-"

"Sam does." Dean quickly interrupted. "He has to live everyday with the fact that he lost his first born. Sure he has another baby but you never forget any of your children and he didn't throw everything down so that he would get her back because he knows she's not hurt and she's someplace safe even if she isn't with him-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU CAN'T COMPARE HIS DAUGHTER TO MINE!" Samuel paused and held onto the wiggling toddler tighter. "Half angels are abominations that should be dead right from the start. You don't get it because you don't even love your mother-"

"Sam no!"

Sam had been watching and even though he had no soul, he knew that the guy was wrong. He didn't like seeing the little guy have to constantly fight to get away and he was too young to be put in this conflict. He quickly snuck over whilst he was still talking madly to Dean and waited for the right time. When Dean screamed for him not to, he quickly swiped the child out of the man's arms and dived away with Emmanuel landing on his stomach so that he wouldn't be hurt. Samuel looked pissed and Sam did the only thing he could think of, he returned him to Cas right away.

"You are ruining everything you realize that right? He is an abomination-"

"He's still my nephew and you're right, we don't view family quite like you do but I would never sell out blood like you so I'm glad that we don't see eye to eye!"

He would have went on but the vamp was on the loose and they quickly came together until he was gone. Looking around he realized that Cas had went off when hell momentarily broke loose as well. He quickly kept in mind to thank Cas and turned just in time to see Sam point a gun towards the guy.

"You gonna shoot me now Sam? You don't even love the kid, you can't feel anything towards him and you are gonna defend them?"

"I'm not whole, I realize that but it's still not your right. He's not yours either."

Dean felt a little throb where his heart was and quickly forced Sam to lower the weapon. Samuel didn't even seem sorry at what he did for anything but he would be one day and that was what he had to be held on. Crowley was still there and seemed quite pleased with how things were going. He turned and glared and would have done more but Cas beat them to it.

"Can you get Sam's soul?" he asked.

Crowley finally shook his head wondering what he had in the warped ratty old bag. Cas quickly dropped it to the floor and burned it making Crowley go up in flames. It seemed a little tad bit dramatic but then again they didn't question it too much.

"He won't get Emmanuel again. He's with Gabriel until Sam gets his soul back or you shall need me again Dean. Please don't leave him alone with that thing ever again."

Dean nodded and Cas left the room.

Turning to Sam he saw that he may not look like he was hurt or anything, he saved Emmanuel for a reason and he didn't do it because his big brother was angry at him either. He was not trying to appease everybody for the fuck up at all. He knew Sam was in there somewhere, he had to be because he had to believe that minus soul, this was still Sam and somehow he cared. Sam saw this and looked away for a moment before answering him.

"He still is your baby nephew Dean. I may not be Sam or I may just be without a soul but either way I have memories of carrying him and memories of having feelings for him that I can't have now. I don't care though if I have feelings or not, I couldn't let him get hurt. He looked so small and I know me with a soul would have never forgiven myself if that would have happened."

Dean nodded at that and allowed himself a small smile. Next he was getting Sam's soul back and then Sam wouldn't have to worry about this. They would worry instead about what the hell Cas was doing lately more than likely.

"Yeah, he is. Thanks Sam, if you didn't take him away from that situation then we would have been in trouble-"

"I got him in that situation," Sam corrected him.

"But you showed today that you realized your mistake and you did right by yourself. You didn't care what anyone else felt and for that I thank you. You don't know how proud it makes me to realize that we could still do this. I'm getting your soul back too. Everything will be-"

"But didn't you listen to what they've been trying to tell us?" Sam asked. They had been warning them that bringing the soul back could be dangerous. "I could be a vegetable and all you care about is getting the soul back? Why?"

"Death is going to help. He's going to put up a wall and it should be good enough. You need-"

"An angel AND a demon both said it was a bad idea. How about if you don't listen to that listen to me. I agree with them since both said the same thing. No soul. I don't think it's good enough to risk that-"

"I just want the you back that loved your son and loves Cas! You don't care now and you will, you just have to trust me. You can't feel I get that but trust me. I haven't steered you wrong yet and I've been your fricking conscience in all this. Trust in me Sammy!"

Sam was silent for a moment before finally nodding his head.

"Okay. I'll trust you. I have nothing else to lose by trusting you anyways."

* * *

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think so far.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Seven

Sam was resouled despite all the complications that happened along the way. Dean couldn't say he was in fact proud of those but it wasn't like Sam could remember what he did anyways. Sam had no memory of what he had done for the last year but he knew it must've been because of the cage that he lost them in the first place.

"Emmanuel is really big now." He commented seeing the kid that he thought he was seeing for the first time in a while. "Last time I saw him he was a three month old baby."

It was extremely saddening that Sammy would think it was his fault when he did everything in his power to keep everyone safe from Lucifer. He was getting cut over and over again it seemed and it wasn't fair. But Emmanuel seemed to notice the difference and babbled on and on about what he thought was interesting and Sam listened whole heartedly. Dean finally felt safe to leave him alone for short periods of time although he checked in at intervals just to make sure. He tried telling himself he wasn't being paranoid and that this was just him being sure of himself that Sam was better. That's why he threw a conniption when Sam had taken Emmanuel to the park and he couldn't find him for three hours. It wasn't because Sam was a bad dad but because he was worried that he was going to remember something that could lead to one or both of them being hurt. He was being careful though, he told himself. Nothing more and nothing less.

"Dean I'm glad you took care of him for all this time but we can't, wait where's Cas? I'd imagine he'd want to watch over his son," Sam said and Dean was sure that he said that more for than Emmanuel's sake then.

"Well you could call Cas and get everything out in the open and I can take Emmanuel for ice cream," he told him.

Sam shook his head.

"Dean you did a lot. I want to be with him for now alright," Sam added. "I thank you for being the best uncle a nephew could have as well."

Dean finally caved in.

"Fine just don't go whining when you don't have a baby sitter later because you know what you being in hell caused me? A freaking melt down and I haven't had a good date in many many months. Get down here Gabriel! Sammy is a big boy and a parent apparently, we can go on a date."

Sam looked astounded by that.

"When did Gabriel come back alive?"

Dean ignored him as he closed the door behind him, leaving Sam alone with Emmanuel. If Cas yelled at him later, then he wasn't at fault because he should be around taking care of his boyfriend and kid like Sam just told him and not doing whatever it was he was doing.

So he was going to be selfish for one night.

* * *

Sam blinked.

He couldn't believe what Dean was telling him and shared a look with his son who he was holding. Looking back towards the door, Sam finally shook his head before placing him in his high chair and cutting up some cheesy broccoli for him. He didn't know what he liked but Sam liked that when he was little and assumed it was fine. He beamed when Emmanuel seemed to like it too.

He almost missed seeing Cas standing right there and realized that he must have been looking in. It didn't explain the cold hard look and Sam raised an eyebrow before his confusion set in more. He left some juice in his sipper cup before meeting Cas outside of the kitchen. Whatever he was prepared it wasn't to receive a slap across the face. He looked over in silent shock and quietly pondered on how he deserved that one. Of course he knew that going to hell wasn't easy on Cas and that he was probably madder than he could even imagine but Cas had never hit him before. Ever. And if he had to admit that, he would say that hurt a little.

"What are you doing?"

"Cas are you mad at me?" he asked not being able to keep it in anymore. "Whatever I did I could fix it because this last year when I was in hell must have been so hard and I'm not going to sugar coat it either. I'm sorry, I'm-"

"Right because you honestly forgot that you sold your son to Crowley basically! Or maybe the vamps thing and the trying to kill Bobby. How could you be trusted with Emmanuel after doing all that?" Sam didn't know any of that and seeing Cas mad enough to tear him a new one, he realized something must have happened that he wasn't told about. He nodded, eyes widened at the fact that he did all that without even knowing it.

"And it was even more horrible than I could even imagine. I'm a little fuzzy on the details. What would have caused me not to care about all this?"

"Maybe it's the fact that your soul had been down in hell still when your body was brought up here. Caused some big mayhem, you did and I hear Dean finally got your soul-I'm so sorry Sam, I didn't realize because you wouldn't have done that if you had a soul!"

"That's okay Cas, I still would have been mad if you hadn't done it after everything I did, soulless or not. Besides they told me everything but thanks for clearing up the fuzzy parts. I was really a cold heartless bastard huh?"

Cas nodded without hesitation.

Sam paused for a moment before wrapping his arms around him in a hug. He didn't want Cas to pull him off in the next instant even though he deserved a lot worse and when Cas returned it, Sam closed his eyes as he thought of all the harm he did. That explained why Dean couldn't leave without worrying what Sam was going to do because he apparently was a soulless bastard that wouldn't have hesitated to hurt his own son. Before he could stop himself he found himself whimpering and Cas held onto him tightly, making shushing sounds as Sam gasped in between the sobs.

"I'm sorry Cas, so very sorry," he whispered.

Cas just eased his way from the hug to clean the tears with the pads of his fingers. Sam had his soul back and he was better than he had been since he thought he would lose him for eternity. This was the Sam that cared, he reminded himself. The one that felt horrible when he even forgot something minor such as a I love you or good night and there was no way he would have done so much that he had done this year alone. He found himself smiling before he pulled Sam into a chaste kiss. He missed those lips on his and he missed being able to watch over him as he slept.

"Don't be sorry Sam, don't worry about it. It's okay now," he reassured.

How could he have ever asked Dean to not return Sam's soul was beyond him because now that it happened, he couldn't imagine himself without this.

* * *

Sam missed a huge chunk of his son's life and he definitely wanted to stay and get to know him. He didn't want to miss anything else as long as he could. Cas seemed to share the sentiment, allowing Sam to help get Emmanuel to bed since this was something that Bobby or Dean did and he wasn't very familiar on what to do. Sam tried to help but Emmanuel didn't hesitate in dumping water on Sam's head or pulling Cas into the tub by his tie.

Suffice to say, they got all kinds of wet. Sam sighed before shredding his shirt and pants, getting Emmanuel out of the tub before he could cause him to get even more soaked than he already was. Cas allowed Sam to remove his overly soaked clothes as well, leaving only a pair of boxers on before helping Emmanuel in his Winnie the Pooh pajamas. Emmanuel giggled before Sam could get him into his crib and then he kissed him on the cheek making Sam smile brightly at that. He was told he did unimaginable things and yet he didn't think he would have been able to handle it if he was hated. He could learn to live with the stuff he had done as long as he wasn't feared.

He smoothed back his son's hair and kissed him on the forehead letting the toddler blink back sleep with a smile as Emmanuel babbled some more.

"Me luv dada," he said and Sam nodded with a dimpled smile.

"Daddy loves you too Emmanuel," Sam told him, placing another kiss on the child's forehead. Emmanuel laughed and kissed his daddy on the lips before turning over with his stuffed dog and laying down to sleep.

"Nigh'."

"Good night baby boy, I love you too."

Cas steered him into the room pushed him onto the bed just as soon as he was about to question what he was doing. Cas went onto him and kissed him deeply and affectionately, moving his mouth to Sam's neck and collarbone. Sam groaned as he moaned loudly in pleasure. Soon, he found himself responding back, bringing his hands through Cas's hair. He couldn't think straight when Cas did this to him. Cas found his lips again and brought him into a sensible kiss while pulling down his boxers and his own, placing a knee right in between his legs.

"Cas, you gonna use protection?" he whispered.

Cas nodded, grabbing a condom from the drawer and Sam couldn't even remember it being this close to his bed. Wasn't the drawer farther away in the past? He lost all ability to think when Cas's mouth took in his entire length. Moaning, he arched his hips and almost caused the angel to gag. Sighing, Cas moved and opened up the condom, rolling it onto his own, groaning when Sam went behind him and kissed into his ears and necks.

"Sam you are unbelievable! How long do you think I will be able to last if you do that?" he told him and Sam either didn't hear or ignored him, flipping them so Sam was on top and Cas was beneath him. He made a wet trail down Cas's collarbone and the angel groaned in pleasure. Cas found what he was looking for whilst Sam was pleasuring him and pushed two lubed fingers in while Sam licked and sucked his well-toned chest and stomach. Sam moaned but continued to please him as Cas opened him up.

Finally, Cas rolled them around with a growl until he was back on top and lubed up his member. Slicking it enough, he pushed it into Sam's entrance, going slowly as to not hurt him. Sam moaned again and brought Cas's face down, sucking on his bottom lip to get entrance to his mouth. He paused when Cas started to thrust his hips forward in a slow rhythm at first, causing him to just hold onto tightly. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel.

"Say you love me," Cas grit out slamming back into him and causing his name to slip from Sam's lips. Sam moaned and couldn't seem to get the words out when Cas picked up the rhythm. After a couple of thrusts, Cas slowed down with an irritated growl and Sam almost yelled it out just to get him to speed it up.

"Love you Cas! Love you! Love you! Love you! I love you Cas-" Cas pushed his mouth on his, in a bruising kiss as he sped up again, making Sam gasp in pleasure.

It was over after Cas thrust three more times and Sam came right on Cas's belly. Cas rested on him for a moment, just enjoying the feel of doing this with Sam again before pulling out, throwing the condom in the trash, and lying beside him. Sam laid his head on his shoulder, perfectly more content than he had been in a while.

"Is there anything else that happened this year Cas," he whispered when he found his voice again.

Cas looked in confusion and Sam continued.

"No problems with anything other than soulless assholes, angels wanting to start jump the apocalypse again and Crowley being an jerk like usual?" Cas nodded.

"Of course. There's nothing else going on, why would you think that? I found an angel that has been helping me. He doesn't really like you Winchesters but he has been told to play nice. He still is an incredible jack ass so don't set him off," Cas added.

Sam's eyes searched for anything that told him differently and seeing that Cas was still pretty much an open book he nodded in satisfaction. He snuggled up to Cas, pulling the blanket over them and Cas felt at peace for the first time in a while. He had his boyfriend back who cared for him and their son. He wasn't going to go anywhere again if he could help it. But he still couldn't stop what he was doing. He did tell Dean he was doing something regrettable and he just couldn't change his plans cause he was content with Sam now that his soul was back in his body.

"You'd tell me if there was anything else right Cas?" Cas didn't understand how someone who never read a person's mind could do something like this so subconsciously but Cas nodded threading a hand through Sam's stringy hair. It was still damp because of the bath time with Emmanuel that they were an unfortunate participant of. He smiled though as Sam's breathes evened out and he was asleep. He seemed to sense whenever Cas was in distress as well which the angel still couldn't understand. After a moment he allowed himself to think about the little bit of grace he might still have. Maybe he did or maybe hell ripped it from him but no matter what, he hoped he still had even a little that still gave mild protection if any at all.

"I love you Sam. I loved you at first sight, I loved you then, when you were pregnant, and I love you now even. I think I will always love you and if you have any doubts I'm sorry but I can't stop. I'll love you until the end of time and will do anything to keep it even if I have to get down dirty to do it," he added seeing Sam frown in his sleep. He smiled tenderly and kissed him on the forehead before laying back and watching him. He was glad to be able to do this again.

Because he wasn't going to let Sam give his life like that again. He needed him too much to ever think of losing him again.

* * *

"SON OF A BITCH!"

Sam awoke with a start and saw that Cas wasn't beside him anymore. Realizing that Dean was cursing in the hallway now, he pulled on a pair of boxers hurriedly and grabbed his clothes to take a shower with before closing the door behind him. He heard the bangs on the door and chose to ignore them, wondering what got his brother into a fit.

Once he was finished, he pulled on a fresh pair of clothes and made his way downstairs. He was glad to see that Cas hadn't left after all and that he was helping out with Emmanuel with a smile on his face. He saw Dean glaring at him and wondered for the umpteenth reason why. He quickly shook the thought out of his head and allowed Cas to put a plate of pancakes and sausages in front of him. He cut up a plate for Emmanuel as well, Sam helping when he thought the pieces were too big and gave it to the hungry toddler.

Dean finally sighed halfway through breakfast.

"Listen, I'm glad you two are in love again and that you have your soul back Sam. Cas told me that he told you and I could have clobbered him but that makes me happy knowing you two are both doing right by Emmanuel."

Sam nodded.

He still looked at him in confusion wondering why the hell he was saying this. He seemed mad and he wondered now if it was because of Cas telling him. He shouldn't have been because he had wanted him to and it was okay. He wasn't going to kill him.

"Of course there's some stuff that still piss me off Sam and you know what it is too!" he glared at him now and Sam realized that he should know what it was despite not having a clue.

"I didn't change into a nasty diet again so it can't be that right?" Dean glared and Sam cleared his throat. "I didn't show too much affection to Cas in the open again did I?"

"No you didn't," Dean quickly interrupted. "You of course had sex in my bed again! Why the hell can't you just land into the right one for once in your life so that mine isn't drenched with bodily fluids-"

Sam choked in surprise and Cas thankfully, thumped him hard enough in the back to dislodge whatever would have been caught in his throat. After that, Sam looked embarrassed at doing something like that and Dean knew it. Gabriel just chuckled and laughed at that fact alone, not allowing Sam to get a moment's peace about it at all.

Cas was a different story.

After making sure Sam wasn't in the danger of choking, glared at his brother angel and quickly tried to make Sam feel less humiliated although he thought the blushing was adorable.

"You didn't think so when you were doing it in the other bed Dean," he answered and Dean looked less angry.

"Still now that I have my bed back, no sleeping in it," Dean said after a moment's hesitation. "I won't sleep with someone in yours if you don't in mine."

Sam knew that that was the best he was going to get and nodded enthusiastically. He hadn't known and he knew that wouldn't excuse Dean from holding this type of grudge because the other three times weren't forgotten either. Finally after Sam started to eat again without feeling the threat of any other pieces becoming lodged in his throat, Cas of course had to speak up.

"There's then of course making sure Emmanuel doesn't see anything or the fact that he could probably understand some of it and repeat to his friends in daycare someday-"

Sam wondered sometimes why he even bothered as Gabriel gave one hard slap to his back. He believed this was his punishment for not asking Cas if Dean slept there since the guy was anal about his bed and would hold a grudge the size of Canada if anyone did anything in it.

Today just had to be one of those days.

* * *

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think so far.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Eight

"Bobby is going to go crazy when he finds out about the case we're working on," Dean said once Sam was safely in the seat with the car door shut.

"Ellen will mellow him out like she always does. It's fine and Jo said something similar happened where she is as well-"

"Right and the angel? How is he?"

Sam went to open his mouth but closed it realizing that he hadn't anything to say about him. Sighing, he just turned to look out the window and Dean didn't look like he was proud to bring up the troubling relationship his brother had with Cas. It was hard enough being with a supernatural creature but even worse with the fact that he had missions in heaven and what not. He hardly spent time with him and after a while Sam couldn't the separation well. They split up of course but he knew Sam was still far from over it.

"You think Ellen would be mad if I told her I didn't take her blind date seriously?" Sam asked and Dean shook his head.

"I didn't go to her blind dates to meet anyone either. I'm happy with Jo," he added with a smile.

He forgot that Sam seemed to sense when something wasn't right and wasn't afraid to call him on it.

"That's not true, if Gabriel had still been alive-" Dean winced and Sam quickly shut his mouth about it.

"Well it still could be worse," Dean said after a pause. Sam looked back over and Dean gave a small smile. "We could both not have what we do now. I mean I have Jo. And Bobby even, has Ellen. Let's not forget that you have-"

The shrilling of the phone interrupted Dean and Sam answered realizing who it must have been. He couldn't help the smile that was brought out by hearing the tiny excited voice squealing as she told him everything that was going on.

"That's nice Sophie, really nice," he said and Dean smirked as though his job cheering him up had been successful. Sam rolled his eyes as he listened to the girl over the phone.

"I weally want you home daddy," she said after a pause and pouted at the thought of not seeing him for another short period of time.

"I'll be home soon. What about papa? Is he visiting you often enough because if he isn't you let daddy know-"

"He gots me things daddy!" she squealed. "Why can't you and papa be together?"

Sam sighed.

"Complications sweetheart, maybe you should speak to him about it. I'm sure that he would love for you to explain why this is happening-"

"I already asked. He says that you don't love him anymore," she told him. This sweet voice really was a heartbreaker and Sam knew that he was not going to get back together with Cas no matter what but the thought of his daughter being unhappy made him want to try. Oh he definitely wanted her to have the moon if he could.

"I'm sure there's a time where I could tell you but not until you are five at least," he told her.

"I'm gonna be four in three months daddy," she continued.

Sam laughed.

"So you are sweetheart. Let daddy do his job okay, and then I'll be here soon."

He heard squealing on the phone and was about to hang up quickly before Ellen got on the phone.

"Don't you dare hang up that phone Samuel!"

Sam winced and kept on the phone, knowing that he would be chewed out later if he didn't.

"You do realize that your daughter deserves to have both parents getting along at least don't you?" Ellen softened her voice by the ending and Sam agreed with her. It just wasn't his fault that Cas couldn't get his head out of his ass and realize he had more than a daughter. He wanted attention too and the fact that he hadn't even known until she was about a month old probably did the trick as well.

"I do try Ellen I-"

"I know hun but both of you love that little girl to bits. I know that you don't want to lose her at all and one of these days you're going to look back and miss the days that she's this young. Just slow down a bit and enjoy her while you can."

Sam nodded.

"Yes Ellen and thank you. I'll be there after we find out what's going on with this case over here. People are dying."

"You get them. If there's one thing that Sophie knows best it's that her daddy could chase away anything and nothing stands in his way."

"Such a child fascination, I hope she doesn't hate me when she realizes I'm not at all like that-"

"You are more Sam. You are her daddy so whatever anyone else ever says is meaningless. To her you are the one who carried her for twenty eight weeks and wouldn't give up on her even though she was itty bitty and small. You loved her with all your heart and still do. I can't imagine what you'd do if she weren't here."

"Me too, Ellen." Sam managed. "Me too."

* * *

The case wasn't getting any better since everywhere the people were dying. Sighing, Dean ushered Sam out of the Mustang and made their way to the house, warily thinking of sleep and maybe some food. Sam was interrupted when a thirty five pound girl jumped at him, and he caught her with a laugh, twirling her around playfully before he kissed her on the cheek. She kissed him back on the lips, hugging him tightly and laying her head on his shoulder.

Sam had a dimpled smile going and amusement in his eyes until of course, he saw Cas. He let her down and she scooted into the house, not wanting to be in the middle of one of their fights once more. Cas looked over and Sam thought of how much he had once loved him before he had to distance himself because of the demon blood issue and Ruby. He never forgave him over it and the fact that his daughter was a preemie. It made him madder than hell for a long time. Now he didn't know whether what he felt for him was even love anymore. But he wanted them to at least be nice to each other, for Sophie's sake, if anything else.

"You're looking good Sam," Cas told him and Sam nodded, thinking if he should let himself loosen up or not.

"You too, listen we shouldn't fight in front of Sophie anymore. Try to get along and what not," he added and Cas nodded.

"You're right. If I told you that I regret not saying I love you enough? That I wish we could have a nice life with our daughter even though it's not possible-"

"It is, Cas. You just have to want it," Sam told him before he could help himself. Cas tilted his head before sighing.

"I have a reason Sam. I know you love her with all your heart but this isn't going to last-"

"Right and you didn't have to leave," Sam quickly snapped. "Have fun with what you decided but I'm not going to just abandon her, she's our daughter or did you forget that?"

"No of course not and I want nothing more for us to all be happy," Cas quickly interjected with a small smile. Sam found himself surprisingly smiling back.

"I do love you," Sam admitted and Cas nodded.

"Good. I love you too."

Sam smiled and was about to say more until he found himself alone. He sighed realizing this was one of the reasons they weren't together in the first place.

* * *

"I can't keep doing this," Cas told himself. He waited for Balthazar who seemed content to keep up the charade for whatever reason. He nearly felt his heart rip its way out his chest when he saw the little girl and the fact that Sam didn't know the difference was worrisome. He was going to realize that he could have been happy with his daughter and not have his son or he would have his son and still have to contend with the death of his daughter at 18+5 weeks. It wasn't fair and Cas sometimes cursed the life in which the Winchesters lived. This was one of the times.

"I thought you were the one that told me to get the souls for you Cas." Balthazar told him without any pity. "You can't just do something and regret the consequences of it."

"I know but I saw her once and now she is almost freaking four years old! She wasn't supposed to survive, how did she? How did Sophie come to survive with what we did?"

"How did others end up surviving?" Balthazar asked sarcastically. "Well I would say the domino effect really. We went back in time to unsink the Titanic and you thought nothing was going to change? We got the souls you wanted, the one hundred and fifty thousand souls, but did you really think that some people that were meant to die would still die? Cas you are surprising. I know you love him but what is he going to say when he finds out he has to sacrifice the life of one of his babies for another? He can't have both you know."

"I know. I just can't help but wonder if we keep it sunk then maybe we could get to know the little girl that we have-"

"What about your son, the one that was meant to survive? You are really going to give him up and not say anything to sweet but not totally innocent Sammy? He'll find out you know? One way or another and he will be mad as hell. You could keep telling yourself that you are doing right by him but I know differently. He isn't going to care because you already screwed with his head and messed up his perfect little world. And if push comes to shove and I have to sink the Titanic. Well let's say that he'll have to live without her once again and then what? He had a mental breakdown when he said goodbye to her toddler version and now she is older and he has to say good bye to that too? Cas you are breaking my heart with your complicated relationship and all because you have to get them to win a war! Who would have thought that you'd pick the benefits over your own family-"

"I'm not! I'm doing this so that I don't lose Sam ever again!"

"You may have already done so by this one thing. If they call do you want me to tell them what will happen if I have to sink it or do you want to do the honors?"

"Tell them but leave the nature of your mission out of it. Make it up for all I care though. And whatever you do, don't make them sad."

"Of course, always for you Cassy. Always for you."

It was never a wonder before how Cas could do so much for one person but now, he found his resolve crumbling. This was a mess from the start and it was even worse at the thought of losing the one thing he knew Sam never got over but kept buried deep in his heart.

He was going to absolutely hate him.

* * *

"A movie?"

Dean looked over in disbelief as Sam just looked at him in wonder. Balthazar didn't care what they thought though and silently cursed. He was doing this all for an angel who got too hung over a human. There should have been a stricter rule about falling in love with humans but for some reason Cas never got that memo and he hadn't even tried to fight it.

"Are you saying that you unsank the Titanic because of the movie?" Dean asked as though he heard wrong.

"Well duh, and that horrible song that was ever put in creation. You do realize it was a horrible production and both are best forgotten," Balthazar finished with a smirk.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Sam couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me," Balthazar wasn't going to place the bomb just yet but they left him no choice and he couldn't help but think of poor stupid pushover Cas who was always pushed away just in favor of these boys. "You no longer drive an Impala. Ellen and Jo are also alive but there's the fact that Gabriel is dead instead."

At their shocked faces Balthazar hid a satisfied grin.

"Yeah, I know you end up falling for mortal like Gabriel who lived through the knife stabbing because of the fact of I don't know, something having to do with your son's dramatic birth that grounded all supernatural creatures to the ground until he came out. Such a whiny baby I tell you. When your little girl was born she was a normal girl I say-"

"How could I have a son?" Dean asked but Balthazar laughed.

"Nope it is actually Sam's son. I'm skipping quite a bit though aren't I? No, your loveable little girl actually died a micro preemie and you sucked blood from that demon bitch thinking it was all your fault and to make matters worse, you started the apocalypse like now only you made a son with Cas. One that survived and is really powerful. I mean even the king of hell is after him. Emmanuel I believe your son's name is. And if I were to unsink the Titanic, your loveable Sophie is gone but you have him back-"

"You mean I have to choose between who I want? I have to choose whether I want my son or my daughter?" Sam felt his heart break at that. He couldn't imagine a life without his little girl's voice on the phone and telling him what was going on but he would then have to live with the fact that he let his son become nonexistent from never being born and if he went back and did that, his daughter died. How could he choose between the two?

"If it helps you had to live with her dying twice before. I mean there was the original one and then your little girl helped you solve a case only to leave you again. I mean a third time shouldn't be so bad, especially when you'll have Cas and your son to help you through it. But Bobby will be without Ellen and live with the fact that that micro worm possessed him and made him kill a friend. You have to choose between which one of your kids' lives are more important though so it must be more important than how your surrogate daddy feels or your brother's choosing between his angel lover and his human lover as well, huh?"

"Why would you even think that?" Sam asked horrified. "I can't choose one life over the other but Bobby has been like a father to us so could you even think of sinking the Titanic? He deserves happiness after everything he's gone through-"

"And if we can't do it that way because of the deaths of people that were originally never born?"

"We'll risk it for things not to change. We can't risk Bobby being unhappy-"

"I think it's more than that, don't you? I think maybe you are afraid of losing the one thing that you know that makes you happy right now. I'm sorry I caused you this much pain but common you knew underneath that all this would be taken away. You Winchesters have never been happy or been happy long. You have got to be used to having things taken away from you."

Sam looked more torn the more he was listening so Dean took charge.

"So what? You think just because this happens I have to lose my niece? We are used to not having our way but it doesn't mean that we have to lose everything that ever meant anything to us and Sophie deserves to live even if she wasn't originally meant to."

Balthazar wasn't looking at him though, he was looking at Sam who he knew would be broken after everything was said and done. Fate wasn't giving up and as much as he wanted Cas to be happy with the Winchester, he couldn't see it happening like this.

"I would spend as much time with her as I could if I were you. You'll never know when she will suddenly one day be a figment in your imagination."

He may have been gone but it left something worse in its wake.

Something far worse and Dean knew he wouldn't be able to fix this.

* * *

"Bobby you can't let them sink the boat, we can't let it happen," Dean quickly told him.

Bobby glared through the phone.

"Any reason you aren't telling me? I know you boys so there's something going on-"

"Ellen and Jo die Bobby," Sam told him before Dean could think of a plausible enough excuse. "Supposedly if the Titanic sinks it releases a lot of dominoes and then Ellen and Jo die in an explosion."

Bobby found himself believing that there was more to it because Sam didn't even sound right but he couldn't really push him. Dean seemed to be trying to make every time reason possible why they should allow the boat to not sink but he knew in a way it was wrong. Ellen joined him shortly and Sophie sat on his lap. Looking down, he thought he was going to cave in. How could anyone go without having this sweet innocent girl in their lives? The Winchesters sure knew how to make innocent and cute children after all.

"Hi dada," Sophie greeted.

"Hi baby," the greeting seemed tearful and Bobby sighed before telling her to go play in her room. She knew that meant that the adults had to talk but before she did go, she made kissing sounds at the speaker.

"I love you always."

"I love you always too," came his reply.

When she was gone not only was Bobby hounding him for answers but Ellen was too. He almost forgot that sinking the Titanic meant this great woman before him would die but he couldn't think about that right now because Sam was obviously distraught. He would get to the source of his problems first because these boys were like sons to him.

"Bobby it may be the fact that if we sink the Titanic Sophie dies too but I have a son instead and Cas is still around. I know, Bobby but I'm not going to choose because I know that it's too hard and I thought Ellen being with you would be way better. She can't die because you would be all alone and Sophie loves you so much even though apparently I already lost her twice-"

"Sam baby listen to me," Ellen told him. "You guys have to fix this because even worse than seeing people not being born is letting people that shouldn't exist die. I know you're sad for me but I know if it was meant to be we should let it. I also know that you love your daughter more than anything in the world and you should take this as an experience. Like getting to know what you were never meant to have sort of thing? Imagine baby, you are with Cas and he treats you better. I know you'll miss your kid like crazy but you can't choose, your right. No father chooses between their children and you could only choose what is right. The Titanic is supposed to sink so right now just try to keep yourself safe and everything will fall together in the end. Alright?"

"Yeah Ellen, I hear you. Thanks."

"And if I don't see you after this is all fixed remember I don't blame you two sweetie and Sophie will always love you."

It was cruel but it was true, this was never meant to be.

* * *

Waking up, Sam remembered the dream and fought not to crumble at that instant. He was in the Impala, his baby boy was sleeping in the back seat, and Dean just awoke with a start too. Sam didn't know whether he should be happy that he had Emmanuel or be upset that he no longer had Sophie. His heart felt heavy and he felt for a third time that he had lost her. It wasn't really fair either.

"Did I just dream that Ellen and Jo were alive, you never lost Sophie, Balthazar unsank the Titanic because he hated the movie, and we had to deal with this bitch that tried to kill us with a piano?"

"Sounds about right, I had the same dream," Sam mumbled and Dean realized how wrong it was to say.

"Sam it's alright, you got a taste of what it would be like with her and guess what? Cas was a jerk! You are better off with the Cas now than you were then-"

"Am I?" Sam asked and Dean looked at him in shocked surprise.

"Sam you love Cas and there is no one who loves you more with the exception of your family. You love Cas and he loves you so why is there a problem?"

He was interrupted by Cas who was standing right next to them. Sam crossed his arms as though waiting for the reason they had this crazy nightmare. He didn't like it one bit and if his aching heart was anything to play by, he knew it was fairly cruel and didn't want to remember what he could have had. He probably wasn't thinking straight at the moment either but he didn't care right now either.

"I'm sorry. I thought those memories of Fate would help you to realize how cruel of a woman she was-"

"Cruel yes. But you didn't have to let us remember," Sam instantly told him harshly. "Why would you want me to remember a daughter that didn't have to die?"

"I didn't want that-"

"Really? Because you seem to think it's justified by this alone."

"Sam," Dean tried warning but Sam didn't listen.

"I know it hurts Sam, I want her alive too because she's my daughter as well. I may not have known her as well but not a day goes by that I don't wish she were here with us and Emmanuel-"

"Sometimes this makes me wish I never met you," Sam cried. "I know it's harsh but then I wouldn't have to choose between which kid should have lived and who should have died. It's unfair and if I never met you I wouldn't have to suffer from this."

Cas felt himself stop cold.

"It was because of a movie Cas," Dean finally got out. "It's time to take Balthazar's television privileges away. He caused this and if he hadn't done it, we would have never known."

"I'm going inside," Sam finally said, picking his son out of the car seat and leaving without another look.

"I messed up. You think he really would have wanted me to never meet him?" Cas looked upset and Dean sighed. Sam said a lot of things when he was hurt but shouldn't have got out at all. He needed to work on that still but once he calmed down and saw reason, it wouldn't be the same, and he knew it.

"No Cas, Sam loves you so very much, he's just sad. You are sad too because you saw her but she wasn't meant to be right? I mean you love her so very much and you got to hold her and touch her. What did you feel when you saw that you lost her like that?"

"I feel sad too. Maybe Sam is right," he added seeing Dean trying to tell him differently. "All I ever do is hurt Sam and if it meant that I would never hurt him, I wish I never met him as well."

He was gone before Dean could try to fix all this. Sighing, he slammed the car door with a slam. Sam was hurt and so was Cas now. Both had to get over the fact and realize they still had a son and each other fast. It was hurting him to realize that all they cared about was something they didn't have in the beginning. He missed the thought of her as well but he guessed it wasn't as bad with him because he was distanced and he could see reason. He wasn't as close with Sophie as he had been with Emmanuel. Emmanuel was the kid he watched when Sam was in hell and again when Sam popped out wrong.

He couldn't help but be saddened by this because damn it they deserved some happiness but not like this and definitely not by separating those two that loved each other very much.

"SON OF A BITCH!"

He punched the hood of his car. He hoped he could fix this, he hoped that they weren't stubborn because if they couldn't how would he survive in a relationship with an archangel, never mind the fact that he had no powers at the moment?

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how it is and REVIEW! :)


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Nine

Later found Sam in bed with Emmanuel sleeping peacefully beside him. He knew he wasn't really mad at Cas because the angel couldn't help it. He didn't know that Sam was going to have to say good bye to their first child once again nor did he think that Cas was truly over her either. Sam could have kicked himself for being so stupid. Sighing, he happened to catch the angel by the door and looked confused for a moment before realizing that Cas must still be reeling by what he had said in passing to him.

"I didn't mean what I said," he quickly relayed hoping he'd forgive him for his moment. "I do love you so, so much and if it means going through anything a million times over, I'd still be with you Cas. I was just hurt and I let my mouth do the talking-"

"Yes that seems to be the problem with us doesn't it?" At Sam's look Cas went on. "I hurt you a lot Sam and whilst you bounce back from it no matter how long it takes, it still doesn't change the fact. I hurt you more than I could ever want to and if being with you means hurting you-"

"NO!" Sam looked over at him in horror. He couldn't be doing what he thought he was. He couldn't leave him like this. He quickly made his way over and threw himself right into him, holding onto him tightly as if he would disappear. "I love you! Don't be stupid Cas, we aren't perfect and there will be moments we fight and we both will hurt each other. It won't change anything."

"It will," Cas quickly told him, disentangling himself from his boyfriend. "It may not seem like it now but how long are you going to go before you realize that you could do so much better? I kept secrets from you and they hurt you even more even though I kept them for the right reasons. I couldn't even heal you when you were hurt-"

"Why do you always do that?" Sam asked desperately. "Whenever something bad happens you hang onto that so hard but you never fight it because of all the good moments we have had! I love you so much Cas that I would go crazy without you! You are the one I love, the one I imagine being with for eternity, the one I gave my heart and soul to! There is no way of backing out Cas because then you will hurt me. Every waking moment I'm not helping my brother or with Emmanuel, I'm thinking about you. Why can't you see that?"

Cas avoided the hurt puppy dog expression that was more than likely now on Sam's face. It wasn't that he didn't love him or anything, he didn't deserve to have a love this great when all he ever did was hurt Sam repeatedly in the end. When was he going to realize that Cas would never be a good option for him? He couldn't really say no though because he realized just how selfish he was becoming. He loved Sam with his every being and he couldn't turn it off. Not now. It was too late not to love him.

"I know Sam. I do love you very much I can't turn it off and take that away. You have a piece of my grace and if it survived the cage I would be more than happy with that as well. I don't want you to think you have to be with me though. I want you to realize that I can't be with you every waking moment and that there will be times that I will be called away to do heaven's bidding-"

"Then do it but when you can, come home to me and your son," Sam quickly interrupted. He held onto him again, this time tightly hugging his waste with his head buried into his shoulder. Cas automatically wrapped his arms around him, thinking that maybe everything was too good to be true. He loved Sam though and he knew that was the one thing he never messed up. He may mess up everything else but this one thing he could say he got right.

"Okay." Cas finally answered. Sam brought his head up to gaze into his piercing blue eyes as Cas continued. "I will do what I have to do. I'll fight heaven and hell doing my very best to make sure that I win this civil war and then whenever I have the time or I feel like I could, I'll come to you and be with you. I'll be with our son too, take him to the park, to the circus, or any other place just to relax and have fun. I could come and forget about the heavy burdens and how bad it is and just concentrate on us. I could do that."

He brought his lips over Sam and kissed him slowly and sensibly. Sam responded with the same desperate kiss, breaking it off after a moment and hugging him tightly. Cas just patted his shoulder, rubbing a soothing finger around the middle of his back as he thought about what this was going to do.

You may not hate me now Sam, he thought sadly. But you will and it will break me in the end but your right. As much as I hate to admit it, we do have a lot of happy memories and even if I had to live without you, I could live with those and be happy I have you when I did.

There was no telling what Sam would think once he realized what Cas was up to but the angel knew better. He knew what it would cost to have Sam find out and he just thinking about it made him realize just how much he was sacrificing for just to keep these moments while he could.

* * *

"Love is so over rated, don't you think?"

"Balthazar if you come to mock me, then you could go and," Cas paused trying to think of a good word. He finally settle on some that Dean had been trying to teach him although they felt weird forming on the tip of his tongue. "take a long walk off of a short pier."

"Dean has been teaching you words again," Balthazar mused.

"Not always. Mostly he is trying to get Emmanuel to say complicated things and laughs when Sam walks in and Emmanuel starts cussing. He's already been in time out a couple of times for saying shit whenever Sam has been around lately."

"That's nice Cas." But seeing his expression, anyone could tell Balthazar meant anything but. "But this war is going to take a toll on you. Do you really think you could do all this and have the happy family illusion that you give yourself so much? Don't get me wrong, you fell in love with a human of all things and you are trying to make it work. But listen to me, this is why angels have never had a successful love life when it comes to humans in the past. You remember Lilith and Lucifer? Or maybe Gabriel and what was her name? It clearly escapes me now but the point is each and every angel in history tried to work in with the one they fell in love with but in the end everything fell apart."

"You say that like I don't know that," Cas said with a frown. "The name had been Rebecca. I bet every angel has heard Gabriel's love story. It's also most likely why he hasn't been trying to acquire as to why his grace hasn't come back yet. He's happy being a mortal right now and being everywhere with Dean. He doesn't have to worry about some civil war and he could happily say that the loves Dean without a say or worry. He doesn't have to worry about doing regrettable things and how his lover would look at him with shame-"

"Yes Rebecca, that's right. Remember the story huh? They say he got her pregnant and she was the love of his life, happily willing to settle down and marry him before her parents found out and disowned her. As fate would have it, she got to the point where it was either her or the baby and Gabriel chose her. Funny isn't how saving the person you love at the cost of another life would bring such hate? Didn't I tell you that love with a human being is just so pointless? She wouldn't even look at him after that and eventually she wanted to forget him. Said it was too painful with all their good memories because then she had to remember the death of her baby. In the end he erased her memory like she wanted but he always did. Remember I mean. Do you want to end up like that Cas? Heartbroken beyond repair because your honey decided he couldn't live with you if you haven't devoted all your life to him-"

"He said it himself thought," Cas quickly explained. "He said do what I need to and I could come home and be with both of them. He said I didn't have to talk about what I did or anything of that nature. He just wants me to be with him."

"Soon it's not going to be enough," Balthazar reassured him. "What if he decides he wants another baby? Or that he wants to be with someone who will be with him a lot more than you are? What are you going to do then? Could you live with it if he decided what you are giving him isn't enough?"

Cas frowned and Balthazar smirked a little wondering if what he was doing was helping his younger brother out at all. He wasn't doing this to be a jackass but to get the point across. If Cas couldn't stand himself then how was he going to survive standing someone else? That and he didn't want Cas hurt with the way humans tended to be with love.

"If what I'm giving him isn't enough, I'll happily let him go," Cas said although Balthazar could tell that more than ever, Cas didn't want that. "I will always love him but I would never make him love me if he doesn't. He's my everything Balthazar, is this what it feels like to really love someone and give their life for them if it would keep them safe?"

Balthazar sighed.

His brother was so hopelessly in love, it was a pathetic sight but then again Phanuel went three millennia wanting to find something he could never have and then Cas comes in and finds something he never looked for. God had sense an odd sense of humor but then again, it must have been a test since God tested everyone when it came to their faith and to their heart.

"Congratulations bro. You feel what not many people have over the whole century and you found it without even looking. You have fallen in love with a human. Let's just hope this story doesn't end like Gabriel's did."

He could tell already that it wasn't. If that foolish Winchester could agree to something so ridiculous it stood to wonder who was more in love with the other. They were such fools cause even when they loved each other like no angel nor human should, how long would it be before that love was torn apart because of what they do?

Absolute fools, he thought with a frown.

They were absolute fools in love.

* * *

It was a good day.

Cas was glad that he had taken some time out of what he was doing and was here with Sam and their son that he couldn't believe that he had been so afraid of what was going to become of the days. He guessed that he expected Sam to be unhappy with the number of times he had had to leave in the middle of where they were but he was never mad and he had kept his promise. He loved him unconditionally and when he could. He would always say 'you never knew when you would last see somebody'. Cas liked that saying because it was true.

This particular day, he was at one of the parks with Sam and Emmanuel, laid down on the blanket beside his boyfriend and their toddler son between them. It had been a month since his second birthday and he was growing up so fast, sometimes Cas thought that if he blinked, he would miss something. He saw how Sam was raking his hand through Emmanuel's hair with one hand and holding Cas's own with the other and he smiled, having rarely seen the content look on his face often. He was glad.

"I love you," Sam said once they made eye contact. He leant in and kissed him slowly on the lips, enjoying the feel. Cas smiled and cupped his face, mindful of their sleeping toddler.

"I love you too," he said with a small smile. He frowned when he thought about what the future might hold for them and hoped underneath everything that Balthazar had been wrong. He wanted Sam to understand why he was doing this and why he couldn't tell him. If he caught him in the act, he would no doubt tell the truth, he just hoped that Sam wouldn't hate him.

"You're thinking deeply again," Sam's voice broke through his thoughts and Cas stopped to look at him. He sighed bringing his hands that were still cupping his face to his hair, loving the soft texture. He hoped that one day maybe they would have more children and maybe it would be a little girl with Sam's hair. She would definitely be pretty.

"I was just thinking," he answered after a moment's pause. "After everything I do and everything I did, what made me deserve what I have now."

Sam looked over thoughtfully for a moment, his big puppy dog expression in place although the rest was unreadable before he scooted forward more. Even without crushing Emmanuel, Sam was close enough that it could count as cuddling. Smiling, Sam brought his lips to Cas's again, letting Cas's tongue massage his before he explored his boyfriend's mouth. He broke apart after a what seemed like forever, panting but happy in Cas's opinion. He was content and if all it took was taking his family to the park for an afternoon of fun, he'd do it again in a heartbeat.

"You definitely deserve us Cas." His head snapped over and Sam continued, a dimpled smile showing through and Cas couldn't believe he was hearing this. "You were the only one that didn't look for love, you didn't want your kid to be powerful, you didn't even ask for any of this but you did win over my heart from the moment I saw those piercing blue eyes."

"How could you tell just by that look alone?" Cas was always curious but could never really pinpoint why it was his eyes which made Sam fall for him. He knew the expression eyes were the window to the soul phrase but he didn't have a soul. It was just confusing.

"I don't remember much but in my freshman year in college I could have sworn I met you. It could have been you for all I know but I don't know. Like I said I don't remember much. What I do remember is that when I gazed into your eyes for the very first time, I saw something familiar, like there was something there and it had been missing this whole entire time. I can't really explain but that familiar feeling pulled me right towards you."

"And if it turns out it wasn't me?" Cas asked curiously. He never even met Sam then and he wondered if he was any different from what he was today. Maybe more innocent maybe? He was also jealous of this person who could be part of Sam without even being around. He wished it was him but he never even met him back then.

"Tough luck, I feel so much love for you it's not even going to work out with anybody else. Besides I told you I felt the familiar feeling when I first laid eyes on you."

"It could have been one of my many brothers-"

"Nope, met them all and I believe they are all jack asses." Sam interrupted with a grateful smile.

Cas nodded and before he could stop himself, he blurted out, "Please don't hate me!"

Sam blinked but scooted Emmanuel over so he was able to hug Cas deeply without crushing their son. He massaged circles on Cas's back like the angel had done to him time and time again before smiling and resting his head on his shoulder.

"I told you already Cas that anything you could do will never make me hate you. I might get mad but I'll forgive you because I would never be able to stay that way. I won't ever be able to hate you so don't worry. I won't ever hate you, you can be reassured."

Cas let himself smile and was about to tell Sam why when he saw Sam turned in the opposite direction. The sun was setting and there was a stripe of pink and orange in the sky. Sam grinned and turned back kissing Cas with so much love that the angel was surprised that he hadn't been pushed back. He held onto his boyfriend for the remainder as they watched the sunset behind the trees. He hadn't had anything to worry about and Sam was his.

Nothing good would end good he surmised. What he had was good so it would end that way too. He finally realized that he wasn't going to be upset because his love for the man beside him increased. If God was nearby, he hoped he could thank him for everything he's gotten so far.

He still didn't know if he deserved but he knew how bad he wanted to keep this.

* * *

All things good ended, he supposed in the end.

It started out fine. Cas took to watching over them even when he wasn't with them to make sure that they were safe from anything that would be after them. He of course popped in to play with Emmanuel and at most nights, he just laid in bed with Sam snuggling into him. It felt good to have such warmth and he couldn't stop himself from the high he was in that he had no idea how bad it was going to get.

Sighing, he kept making himself believe that he was keeping this from the Winchesters because he didn't need them helping him but if he really wanted to think about the truth in it all. He didn't want Sam to hate him if he were to ever discover who Cas was working with and why. That was also the main reason he watched them without them knowing it as well. He didn't want them growing suspicious.

Of course it only came to reason that when they did, he would want to get them far away from it that they wouldn't know what they were thinking. Sadly enough, recently it hadn't been working. Bobby had been thinking that maybe the angel had something he was hiding. It didn't get to him how untrustworthy they actually thought of him until he had to save them from the demons at the old dispatcher's hide out.

"Are you guys okay?"

Dean gets up, nodding whilst Cas takes his time making sure both Bobby and Sam are too. Sam leans into him and gives him a small kiss on the lips before moving back. Cas surmised that they would be sore but not in danger from any injuries.

"We're okay Cas," Sam finally said. "We wanted to apologize. Bobby thought there was something you were hiding and some stuff didn't add up. Dean was right though and you would never to that to any of us or your son and we shouldn't have just assumed-"

"Or you could have just asked," Cas countered. Sam looked at him in confusion and Cas sighed. "It has been my suspicion but I think that I didn't really kill Crowley like I thought I did. I think he's still alive. This hasn't yet been proven but if I find him, I'll let you know."

Sam nodded with a soft smile on his face.

"Yeah, okay. For what it's worth, I'm sorry Cas. I won't be doing that again."

"Me neither, " Bobby muttered. "You saved our lives and we would have been goners without you so thanks."

Cas smiled as Dean just nodded his head in agreement.

"That's quite funny how you thought so little of me. I wouldn't risk anything like that to have you hate me, especially everything we went through. It's just silly though, Superman going dark side."

Dean looked over like something cold was dumped over him for a second before nodding.

"Guess I could put away the kryptonite then."

If Cas knew what was going to happen after that, he wouldn't have been so happy.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how it is and REVIEW! :)


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Ten

The next thing Cas knew, everything seemed to be spinning out of control.

"I thought that you had word on where Crowley was?"

It was Dean who spoke up, not Sam. Cas didn't even consider the fact that Dean would be demanding an answer out of him as well but it stood to reason, Dean was his friend and the uncle to Sam's child.

"We did find a way to get to where he is," Dean looked at him with such a maddening look that Cas couldn't stand to think about how Sam was looking right now. "You."

"That is impossible Dean I wouldn't-"

"Cas I think we caught you red handed," Sam spoke up for the first time since they had summoned him. The angel looked at him in surprise but when Sam did look at him, it wasn't with anger or hatred but hurt. He had hurt Sam again without meaning too. For some reason seeing him hurt made Cas a hundred times worse than if he had been mad or even looked like he hated him. This was what Cas was trying to prevent.

"I am working with Crowley okay," Cas admitted. Sam had a way of dragging the truth out of him and he knew if he continued to lie, he would lose his trust completely. "I didn't mean to lie to you but it was planned before you came back from Hell Sam. This is the only way to win the civil war."

Bobby snorted and Cas stopped to stare at him in awe. Here he was in the middle of holy fire trying to explain himself and he got the feeling that nobody wanted to listen. He was doing this for a reason and he needed them to understand this.

"If you needed help with something you should have come to us," Dean talked as though he was explaining this to a five year old.

Sam was the worst, not even saying anything now that he got what he wanted to hear. Cas wasn't about to give up though, he couldn't.

"I told you, the civil war is about bringing the apocalypse back and we can't have that. Not after-" he paused there and decided to leave what he was going to say left unsaid. Instead he continued with, "Raphael doesn't care who he hurts-"

"Raphael, Raphael, Raphael! It's a new kick for you isn't it. Ever since we averted it, it's Raphael this and Raphael that, if you needed help you shouldn't have made a deal with a demon Cas!" Dean was to the point as usual but Cas knew he was stubborn. It was the Winchester genes after all.

"I'm trying to help, I wouldn't do it if I didn't think it would." He turned to Sam still seeing him mildly upset but more importantly hurt and said, "I was the one that raised you up from perdition Sam. I didn't mean to do so without a soul, I was arrogant-"

"Let me get this straight, you got me out of Hell without my soul on accident? I don't know Cas but do you think you could have told someone instead of leaving that a secret next time because I'm sure soulless me did a lot more harm than good," Sam said and Cas wisely shut up. Sam was either angry now or quite on the way to becoming it. He hated whenever Sam had to go and have his expressions hard to read because then Sam had no idea what Sam was thinking.

"Listen either way, I can't do anything about it and I made the decision to-"

"Hell right you made a decision. A wrong one!" Dean looked at him with now pleading eyes. "Come on Cas, we could help you with this, you can back out now and we could go about this a different way."

"You can't fix what isn't broken," Cas automatically told him. "You have to go now."

He knew things were going to be complicated once he saw them leave. Crowley seemed smug though when he saw him and Cas let out a sigh. How could he forget? Crowley told him multiple times to break up with Sam or to leave him dry so that it wouldn't affect what he was doing and time and time again Cas had shot him down. His main purpose being it was too late for him and no demon would understand that.

"I love him Crowley if you could just understand that-"

"But you have no soul Cas, remember? You shouldn't have even fallen for him. He's going to leave you high and dry now but what's worse is you also lost the best friend you ever had. Because why now? Oh yeah, because you decided not to take my advice and dump the young Winchester when I told you too!"

"You tried to kill them," Cas just stated instead.

Crowley sighed.

"One ear and out the other, I tell ya," he mumbled before straightening and eyeing Cas with a glare. "You killed my most reliable demons and yet you make a wise crack about your pets? Cas, this has got to stop some time."

"It will," Cas told him although he had enough problems believing it himself. "It will end soon and even if they hate me with all the fibers in their body, you aren't to touch them. They could hunt me if they were satisfied that that would do something but nothing and no one harms them."

"Fine," Crowley said after a sigh. He turned to leave but after a moment he turned back and smirked. "I find it a little ironic that an angel of the Lord who fell from grace fell in love with the biggest abomination of a human come to date. It's funny thinking about it now but maybe that is why your son is so powerful, ever thought of that? Both of you were horrible choices for each other but I guess in the end your father doesn't care about impurities as long as the love is true. Sure taught your higher ups anyways."

Cas couldn't fight down what Crowley had said. Every bit of that deemed true and the only thing that made it hurt more was the fact that he wasn't going to have even that anymore.

* * *

"I thought you wouldn't be able to come in here."

Cas looked around noticing the symbols and looked at Dean in sadness. Did he really not want him around? He guessed that it was his fault if the guy decided to ward the house against him. Then again he couldn't have done it in all the rooms because Emmanuel was still half angelic as well.

"Bobby got a few things wrong," Cas told him hoping he wouldn't still be mad at him. If he still was then how mad would Sam be? Probably pissed and more than just hurt and confused.

"Lucky me I guess. Listen Cas I don't care about the mess ups or the mistakes but you have a family and you should have thought about them before you took on a deal like that, what the hell gave you the right to make a deal with a demon-"

"I believe Sam was in Hell and you were helping me with enough of my burden as it was. I couldn't stand the fact that you had to be there with Emmanuel when I couldn't but I knew also that you were helping and I was grateful. I-"

"Always with the excuses Cas? You know what, I don't really want to know. I don't want to even think about what you could be doing with Crowley, I mean he was trying to open the gate to purgatory, do you think that anything else would matter after that? He will take the souls and he will be power hungry. Don't ever trust a demon! We've been burned by them more times than we could count and-"

"I understand Dean," Cas told him silently. Dean whipped his head over and Cas stood there not looking one bit happy but there was determination on his face and he knew that Cas wasn't going to stop even if Dean was trying to tell him. He grit his teeth knowing just how stubborn the angel was. "I wish I could tell you what the best choice would have been but I was desperate and now I can't turn back. That's just the way things are."

"Yeah? Well at least your confident for once. That's something at least." Dean uncrossed his arms and looked directly into Cas's piercing blue eyes, his own moss green eyes silently pleading. "Don't do this. If you care at all about what happens then please don't-"

"I think it's time for me to go," Cas told him.

Before Dean could get a word out, he found himself all alone once again. Sighing, he wondered why they never got a break and could only curse their Winchester luck. It burnt them more times they could imagine and if there was one thing he was worried about, it was Sam and how he would take all this.

* * *

If Sam had been mad he didn't show it and Cas could at least be grateful for that. He did see angry tear tracks down his cheek though and Cas went to wipe them away only to have Sam pull back. Cas sighed before lowering his hands. He supposed he deserved this for keeping such a secret from him for so long. He lied to him and it must have hurt. He hurt him again.

"I take it I should just go then," Cas spoke and Sam looked over his shoulder, Emmanuel whimpering when he finally saw him.

The angel would have thought that Sam would have tugged the toddler away but no, there had been nothing before the toddler was in his arms, wiggling around until he was comfortable.

"Papa, we pay," he asked looking up with those big piercing blue puppy dog eyes. It was unfair and Cas normally would have told him yes just so he wouldn't be upset but he was still eyeing Sam to see how he felt about all this.

"I would have thought that you would have kept him from me," Cas told him after a pause.

Sam looked at him weirdly as if Cas just asked if he wanted to do something impossible right then and there. Sam sighed, swiping a hand through his hair before facing Cas for the first time since their stand off yesterday.

"Let's get one thing straight. I may be upset but how could you think that I could be so cruel as to keep you from your son? I get that you feel guilty but that is so low. I would never keep him from you."

Cas finally nodded.

He was happy for that at least and knowing that Sam was upset was something he hadn't planned on but he couldn't take it back either. He cupped their little boy's head as he laid on his shoulder. He knew it wouldn't be long before the toddler fell asleep and he wasn't looking forward to whatever Sam would want to say afterwards. He knew Sam must hate him, he had to. Look what he had done.

"You said you didn't want me to hate you."

Cas jolted almost causing Emmanuel to jerk and the toddler whined, snatching a fistful of his trench coat before settling down again. Cas was a little to enthused in why Sam had gone out and said that though. What would he know about that? Why would he bring it up now of all things? Didn't he hate him though? He was confused and Sam never did know how to block out real emotions. That was the real big difference between him and the soulless Sam.

"I know, I was the one that told you," Cas said evenly and Sam rolled his eyes.

"No you told me not to hate you like you thought I would come to it. You knew I would find out Cas so why would you hide it? What was so important that you couldn't come out and say that you were working with a demon to end the war in heaven?"

Cas found his throat constrict and he quickly thought of how weird this was. He was expecting Sam to be angry and tell him to get out. He knew it was more than he deserved at this point but the way Sam was calmly waiting for an answer, Cas thought this was like a lecture that Dean told him about once. Wasn't it Bobby that would give the Winchesters lectures and end with a 'bloody idjits'? And to add to that, Sam's tone was definitely not hateful.

"I was going to that day in the park," Cas finally answered. Sam looked at him, silent but eyes calculating. Still there were no malice in them and Cas was still reeling with new found hope and he definitely did hope that they weren't going to be replaced with them soon. "I wanted to tell you and almost did several times but I thought that if I told you, you wouldn't understand. Crowley wanted me to break things off with you Sam and told me that you cloud my judgment. I still don't get that saying if that helps but I know you really wanted to know and in the end I could only say how sorry I am Sam."

Sam nodded and Cas felt the drool on his shoulder meaning that Emmanuel was out like a light. Sighing, the young hunter motioned for him and when Cas handed him over gently, the toddler was placed in the crib. Sam sighed again and Cas wondered if Sam was having a really bad day ever since he found out this new information. He knew they would be angry as hell in Dean's terms but doing what he knew would make them this way most likely wasn't smart. He couldn't explain his need to do this though and he could only hope they would learn to understand.

"You still should have told me," Sam finally said, his eyes softening. "How could you think that I would hate you after what I said? I clearly remember telling you that we would be hurting each other and I know I'm certainly not perfect but Cas I don't hate you. You made a mistake, yes but you did it because you believe it would help the situation you are stuck in. I also remember telling you that our love life is separate from the hunt or I should've mentioned it. I basically said nothing would be about heaven, hell, or whatever once we were together and-"

"How could you not hate me Sam?" Cas was far too annoyed with this. He knew he didn't want the hate but this was more confusion. How could Sam just let all that go? "I hurt you more than you could probably stand and here you are telling me that you don't hate me. Me? The one that is going to open the gate of purgatory later whether you like it or not-"

Sam interrupted him though with a laugh that sounded halfway between one of disbelief and a snort. Cas annoyingly looked his way and Sam tugged him forward by his tie until he was closer to him. Cas then took in his appearance and could see that he looked like he had been more than likely ready for bed when Cas had popped in.

"I am mad at you and we can discuss that later. I see that you clearly have been confused this whole time so I'll clear this up for you. This is home, whatever you are doing with Crowley and the whole civil war thing up in heaven, that's work. I want to separate the two. I don't want to be my dad and take my kid hunting when he's four or nine. I don't want to be the one to have to worry about getting so hurt that I can't be there for him. Not anymore. I don't want to bring up work at home either because I don't want to be bent on revenge, I don't Cas. I want to separate this and not be like dad-"

Cas crashed his mouth against Sam's lips, sealing it in a bruising kiss before leading him next door to the bedroom. Sam quickly broke it to motion the other bed. He got yelled at plenty for being in Dean's and he wasn't going to give away the hint that he was with Cas even though he hadn't felt there was anything wrong with that. Cas started at his pulse point in his neck and Sam released a huge moan of pleasure, rolling them over and removing Cas's clothes slowly, piece by piece. When he got to the boxers, Cas swiftly knocked him back to the bed before removing Sam's shirt with ease and hastily stripped Sam of the last piece of clothing before doing the same with his clothes.

Sam groaned when the first finger entered him and pulled Cas in another kiss, soft, sensual, but loving to the core. Cas moaned himself, adding the third and scissoring the entrance as he licked and bit along Sam's jawline. Sam made to grab for a condom but found himself increasingly frustrated with the pressure building to an increasingly alarming level. He wasn't going to last much as it was and Cas definitely would cum if he didn't stop making Sam moan like a whore.

"Fuck it, get inside me Cas," he moaned pushing down onto Cas's fingers to make a point. Sighing to prevent himself from moaning again, he slicked himself up and pushed into Sam slowly at first but only slammed into him when Sam growled in frustration.

"Love you," Sam quickly groaned when Cas started back at the pulse point in his neck as he thrust into him at a fast pace. Sam would be able to handle it and he of course pushed it along until he was writhing with pleasure.

Cas couldn't imagine not having someone like Sam in his life and knew at that moment that he would sacrifice anything for his happiness. He loved him that much and it surprised him that he didn't feel scared at all. After cumming into him, he thrust a couple times before collapsing onto Sam. They shared a brief chaste kiss before Cas rolled to the side, allowing Sam to snuggle up to him.

"I love you too Sam, I love you," he paused to kiss his nose. "I love you so very much and don't ever forget that."

"I know Cas, I know." Sam found his eyes closing against his will. Moving closer, he asked, "You still gonna be here in the morning?"

"You know I can't Sam," Cas said slowly with a frown on his face. He smoothed back Sam's soft hair before adding, "I'm sorry if you can't have more of me but I have to win this war, you must understand that I won't lose you again."

"Don't die in the process Cas," Sam quickly told him. "Don't you die and leave me all alone. I know it sounds horrible seeing what I already did to you before but I don't-I can't live without you."

Cas was reeling from that little confession and before long found the corner of his lips tug upwards as though he was going to smile. It wasn't pleasant. He didn't want Sam to love him that much, the only ones that did died of heartbreak. The others that didn't begged to have their memories erased, much like Rebecca did. He couldn't handle the pain Sam would have to go through if he loved him so much he couldn't even breath without him.

"No you don't Sam. You can't love me like that," Cas persisted.

Sam quickly snuggled his way even closer than before.

"Shouldn't have ever met you then because whatever you do won't make me hate you. The love I have for you is too much. I won't ever leave you either so please don't leave me."

Cas frowned, feeling a small ache in his chest as Sam drifted off.

It couldn't be like this because it wasn't that simple. He couldn't allow himself to be everything Sam needed to be alive. He was that way with Dean and it had nearly destroyed him once before. He couldn't let this happen but even then he found himself looking down in the peaceful face and wonder if he had only wanted to be human, could he justify having this? Not having to worry about and just holding him every night. Waking up to him and being happy that he was just there. He couldn't do it.

Because in the end he would always be an angel.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how it is and REVIEW! :)


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Eleven

Sam woke up to find that Cas was indeed gone and let out a slow sigh. He stayed there for a moment briefly wishing that Cas didn't have to have any duties to heaven before realizing how silly that was. Cas would always choose heaven above all else, he was an angel and took that part with pride and nothing Sam or anyone tried would change the stubborn angel. He himself found that he didn't want Cas to change either. He loved him just the way he was, imperfections and all.

He made himself get up, get showered, and dressed. Heading down the stairs, he paused long enough to hear giggling in the kitchen and knew that Emmanuel was in there. He wasn't surprised to find Gabriel there since he had been coming around a lot recently ever since Sam found out about him and his brother's relationship. He rolled his eyes as Emmanuel continued to giggle as Gabriel did airplane impressions and what not, any form to get him to laugh was done.

"Hey stranger," Gabriel greeted, handing the toddler his nicely cut up pancakes and a little bit of syrup on the side before turning to Sam.

"Hey, how goes it?" Sam really didn't care this morning.

"You were with Cas last night." There was a frown and Sam realized it was a statement, not a question. "I don't get you Winchesters. You're willing to get hurt over and over again just to be with the one you love without even thinking what it'll do to you in the long run. Cas is a great angel, I'll give him that but he is just that. He's an angel Sam and sooner or later you're going to realize all the things you have ever wanted from him ain't gonna happen. He's too bent on doing missions from heaven. Also and the most important fact is that one day you will die and Cas will still be here, alive and well. He may be performing his angelic duties even a millennia from now as well and you know what? Do you really want to know?"

"Doesn't mean you aren't going to tell me," Sam mumbled bitterly.

"Right. Well I can say he won't be with you then. He probably would forget one day how much he loved you. Once I find out his secret maybe-"

"You're an archangel though. You love Dean and you don't even bother to hide it so before you go on and on about my love, don't be a fucking hypocrite!" Gabriel frowned and Sam found that he was breathing harshly and that he might have gone overboard trying to defend the love he had for Cas.

"I know Sam and why do you think I'd tell you this? I was there. Been there done that right?" Sam looked at him in shock and Gabriel sighed. "I was a young archangel then but I fell in love with this woman named Rebecca. She came from a family of scribes and back then if you got pregnant without getting married, it would have been a shame upon the family. Got you stoned as well for having a baby out of wedlock. I planned on marrying her and forgetting the mission which is an unfortunate no no. Angels aren't ever meant to forget their true calling. We are angels first and foremost. Anyways one day it came to her or the baby and I chose her. She wanted to forget me. Told me that she couldn't handle the pain so I did the best I could do and gave her the one thing she truly wanted. I never stopped loving her though and even if I love again it won't be the same. That was my first love. You think you would be able to handle loving Cas? Well newsflash, if you really can't handle pain or anything else this relationship throws at you then I would tell him now and-"

"I already lost a baby," Sam quickly told him and Gabriel arched an eyebrow but didn't stop him. "I lost Sophie not once or twice but three times and even then I won't ever ever think about leaving him like that. I love him Gabriel and he could hurt me a hundred times over or betray me to a demon and I honestly don't think I'd still be able to stop. He's in cahoots with Crowley as he speaks. Still though I can't stop loving him! It won't ever be the same without him and I can't, I just can't think of ever not having him in my life."

"So it's that type of love huh?" Gabriel commented with a sigh. "I don't know what to tell ya Sam but in the end, he's an angel first and it would hurt a lot less if you don't allow yourself to love him completely-"

"But I already do," Sam said to Gabriel's complete shock. That hadn't been what he had expected to hear. "I love him so much I couldn't live without him and if he had to do his heavenly duty, I'm alright too because at the end of the day as long as I know he's with me, I could be happy."

Gabriel didn't know whether the shock was there because he had never witnessed a human so selflessly put his love on the table like that or because the one thing he had wanted from Rebecca could never happen but with Cas there wasn't any doubt that Sam would ever leave him if he had a choice in the matter. It was messed up and he knew though that it would be disastrous.

"I guess that you didn't realize that all an angel's gotta do is erase a memory or two and you won't even have the love there-"

"It would still be there Gabriel, don't be a douche," Sam snapped lowly, collapsing onto the chair. He pulled up to the table and got his coffee and some of the pancakes that Gabriel made. Stuffing some into his mouth, he had no qualms about hearing Gabriel go on and on about anything else having to do with the subject they had previously been on.

Dean entered the kitchen rubbing his eyes. Smiling as Emmanuel handed him a handful of mashed up pancake, he looked disgusted for a total of two seconds before handing it back and watching the kid squeal. Emmanuel drank some of his juice from the sipper cup and looked up with bright piercing blue eyes and Dean had to groan when he realized the kid was also sporting his good ole puppy eyes.

"Is papa," he told him calmly. He loved to babble and had since he first started talking. He was definitely close to both of his parents from what Dean observed even though Sam was hardly around when he was an infant thanks to the Satan thing. He saw Sam stab a fork through his pancake and sighed wondering what was eating at Sam. He knew it couldn't be easy to have someone who betrayed them so heartily and yet Dean knew that Sam couldn't really hate him. He should be angry with him as well but it didn't seem like he was.

He was distracted once again when Emmanuel threw a bunch of the bits of his pancake onto the floor, pushing the plate to join it soon. Dean groaned realizing that the kid was being an annoying brat and was glad that he wasn't his. He loved him and spoiled him like crazy but in the end it was Sam and Cas that always had to deal with him.

"Sam Emmanuel threw his plate on the floor." Emmanuel stuck his tongue out at Dean much to the older man's annoyance before throwing his sipper cup off as well. He couldn't really blame Sam for feeling overwhelmed now. Emmanuel had been displaying temper fits and tantrums every much like the terrible two's. Dean would be happy when that stage was over.

"Daddy, new juice." Sam picked up a new sipper cup and put some strawberry Kool-Aid into it. Dean winced but Sam didn't notice or he just didn't care. He handed the cup to him and Emmanuel babbled some more before smiling brightly. Dean never realized how perfect it would look to have Cas's smile mixed in with Sam's dimples in this kid but he knew he wouldn't object. It was in fact beautiful. He looked like the perfect mix of them both and he was happy for them. "Fank ou Daddy."

"You are welcome. Now please pick up the mess you made on the floor." Dean looked on in confusion but Emmanuel placed his tiny hands over his eyes like he was playing hide and seek and when he opened them again, the floor was spotless again. Dean found himself gaping before he heard Sam let out a laugh. "What did you honestly think Dean? My baby boy is an angel you know or at least half of one with the power of more. He's been getting a better hang of controlling it though-"

"Controlling it? Are we even talking about the same kid Sam because I quite remember him screaming loud enough and then muting me and Cas when we ignored him-but you don't remember that because you were someplace else, sorta." Dean quickly shut his trap realizing that he was being a jerk.

"Unca De," Emmanuel pouted his lips when Dean didn't hear him and in the next instant appeared back on his lap.

"He's learnt teleportation too," Dean observed.

"Oh you mean the thing where he pops in and out of a place?" Gabriel asked, kissing Dean on the cheek much to Sam's chagrin. "He knew it since he was seven months. Don't you think a kid this powerful should absolutely know how to do something that important? If not he wouldn't be able to be an angel or at least half of an angel."

Sam wrinkled his nose and pushed the pancakes away. He just wasn't that hungry and Cas was still out there doing who knew what. He considered maybe ending hunting after all this was over but knew that wasn't happening since every time he wanted to something came up and he just couldn't.

"On that subject maybe you should teach your baby brother about what happens when we trust angels that want to open the gate to purgatory-"

"When did you see him Sam?" Dean interrupted turning to Sam. Sam didn't look upset about the question but he did shoot Gabriel a glare before shrugging. "I mean it Sam, he's not going to be doing any of us good if he thinks he could trust Crowley. He's the same demon that tried to kidnap your son and you would know this but unfortunately you were in a place called Hell. You want to remember that? Your son could have died and Cas was helping him-"

"He'd never knowingly put Emmanuel in danger Dean!" Sam quickly objected. "And I can't just leave him Dean, I can't. Maybe if you were to 'take my memory' like Gabriel oh so lovingly put it but there is not a single thing that will keep me from eventually getting back to him. I'll love him for all eternity and you can't stop that-"

"I'm not trying to do this to get a screw you attitude Sam but he's going down a dangerous road," Dean snapped.

"You don't think I know that Dean? I'm not dad though and I'm not gonna hate him for something like that. I won't hold a grudge and I will forgive quickly because life is short-"

"That's right Sam life is short and you will hurt him when you die!" Dean continued glaring at Sam.

Sam gulped but nodded his head sullenly, lowering his head once he was finished. Bobby watched with a mixture of anger and somewhat regret. He knew they loved their respective angels but he could see both points.

"You do realize that I have information that Cas has found what he has needed for the opening of purgatory. He will get it if we don't stop him and I know you don't want to do anything Sam but you should think, would you want him to live doing everything he would regret later or would you rather save him from himself? You love him and I know you do but this is a big decision and you could only make one. One thing or the other."

Sam nodded but remained quiet.

What could he do when even the person who was close to him like a father was telling him he may have to decide whether he should fail Cas by standing idly by or kill him in order to save him in the end. He couldn't buy that because he knew Cas's heart. He wouldn't ever hurt anybody on purpose.

He felt his heart break a little bit deep inside and he knew if he didn't choose someone else was going to and Cas would rather have someone he loved doing what needed to be done than a stranger who couldn't tell him from any of the others.

In the end it all ended with him.

But he wasn't going to kill Cas and he wouldn't. Not yet. And if he did die, he knew he wouldn't be too far behind him.

* * *

"Cas would you like to explain what you are doing?"

Cas turned and silently reprimanded himself. He had what he needed and he wouldn't turn back but the Winchesters were making things hard once again. He knew thought that telling them what he was trying to do again would fall on deaf ears. Sam would just sit back and let Dean take over and Dean was upset greatly by the fact that he was doing things the way he didn't like. It was just too bad that he had to do it.

"I take it Emmanuel isn't here," he stated instead.

"No one's going to keep you from your son Cas, I keep my promises," Sam quickly spoke up and in the process making Dean glare.

"That's perfect but you are here to stop me, aren't you?" Cas sighed and held out the jar of blood he collected. Sam stared at it, his expression pained just by watching this all the while Dean grit his teeth in frustration.

"Cas this isn't you, this isn't. You have a son that you need to think about man and remember the thing about revenge? It doesn't leave you satisfied in the end. You will end up regretting everything and there will be nothing satisfying by what you're doing. You're helping a demon that was hell bent on using your son to open that gate instead of finding a safe way to end the war in heaven-"

"He has been warned and won't try it again. Besides, he didn't have many options to go by. You killed the mother of all after all." Once Cas finished saying that it got quiet.

Then Bobby had to hold Dean back from trying to take it out on the angel. He knew Dean was mad, hell they are were but there was no fucking way that Dean would win. He'd just hurt himself in the end. Cas seemed to see that as well through the defiant glare.

"You need to stand down Dean. Just stand down and once I'm done, it'll be over and you won't have to worry about me messing up anymore. I'll do whatever I have to and I'll make it right again. I just need to make sure Lucifer isn't set free and you know he will be if I don't stop this-"

"If you mention Raphael again, I'm gonna get pissed!" Dean spat and Cas sighed.

"Cas just stop," Sam pleaded, speaking up to Dean's surprise. "There's nothing worse than regret and I know it more than anyone else so please, don't do it. You do there's no turning back and you don't even know what you will be doing. Please Cas, don't-Just stop."

"Sam there's a time in your life where sometimes that the right one isn't always the best choice but you drive on because the end justifies the means. You need to trust me Sam, trust that I know what I'm doing and have faith that it won't all end in chaos. I know you want to and-"

"Cas take it from someone who previously believed in a demon, it's not the right one. Hell it's not even going to help. I hated myself Cas and I only moved on because I eventually realized that I shouldn't dwell on it anymore but damn it Cas it's not going to make you feel better. Listen to us and if not then listen to what you feel. Does it feel right to you? Does it?"

Cas seemed to be losing his patience.

"Sam I love you but-"

"NO! 'You love me but' doesn't work like that Cas. I love you and I will do whatever it takes to make you realize that it won't have to go this far. I love you more than anything-"

"That's the problem!"

After a pause in which Cas seemed to have regained a sense of control, he appeared next to Sam to Dean's and Bobby's shocked surprise.

"I promise you that when this is all over I will save Sam. You have my word." Sam looked over with widened eyes and everything went black after the angel's fingers touched his temple.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how it is and REVIEW! :)


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Twelve

Fighting monsters all his life only proved so much with all the time they've been on the road. One was that something could come along and take their lives without a single beat. Nobody could predict when that would happen though. The other and most important thing was what their dad had taught them about love. John Winchester had been happily married or so everything had been led to believe. His marriage wasn't really perfect until Mary had been taken from him and then he was bent on revenge. In turn he brought onto his children that love only ever ended in pain and if they didn't want to be hurt, he brought upon the knowledge that they had better not find themselves falling into it.

For the most part Dean didn't even try to find it and Sam gave up after Jess's murder but there had always been something that plagued the younger hunter's mind to come. It happened right when he saw piercing blue eyes. Those eyes were more familiar than he could ever think them to be and kept himself from blurting out if he ever met the angel before, instead fidgeting for some odd reason. He had been given the sensation of fallen but it had been weightless and right. Cas hadn't looked at him in any way besides what went with his duty as an angel but it soon changed.

Seeing the eyes of the same angel but not the same light that they held in the past brought Sam to shock. If he wasn't shocked by his own actions, he would have demanded to know what was going on with him. He was different, that was apparent and he could no longer see those same shades of blue nor feel the security that he felt so much with this one angel. Cas had always been the exception.

"An angel blade can no longer kill me," he admitted in a low arrogant tone. This wasn't Cas, this wasn't HIS Cas. This new one was too scary and cruel. And Oh God, Sam just stabbed the person he loved. "I am now God. I want you to remember this lesson well. I don't do well with traitorous thoughts. I bailed you out and I will do so a million times over if you will be good, gracious, and loyal. You were once my loyal pets but as your brother goes to show, it doesn't keep them from stabbing you in the back, does it Sam?"

"Cas..I-" Cas held up his hand and Sam found himself shutting his mouth. He had nothing to say because he was right. He took an angel blade to the one angel he loved and he could of killed him!

"You don't get to talk to me, you stabbed me in the back," he repeated as if that didn't make Sam close up in guilt before then. Now Sam was trying to stifle the guilt from overcoming him.

"Cas you act all big and shit but you killed Balthazar," At Cas's look, Dean eased up. "I know you saved us Cas, you did it all for us. Please put the souls back though and we could talk this out. Nothing counseling won't help. You could talk it over with Sam and he'll forgive you and you can him. Please, just please Cas, don't be stupid-"

"I won and you had so little faith in me," Cas interrupted smugly. "I told you I would save us but you chose not to listen and look what happens. I knew from the start that you were nothing but any other human just wanting something to your advantage. You used me, and in doing so you have bragging rights. I'm not going to hurt you so long as you don't give me a reason to, but as soon as you do I'll squash you like the ants that you are."

Sam closed his eyes and pressed the heel of his palm against his head. Dean looked on worriedly but Cas looked like he could care ales. It was like he knew what was happening but didn't even feel any worry for the one person he didn't want to hurt. It was when blood started to dribble slowly from his nose that Cas finally looked his way with a smug smile.

"You aren't doing so hot, are ya Sam?"

Sam would've snapped at him, hell anything that would make Cas mad but he didn't push it. He was feeling rotten and he still felt he deserved this.

"I'm fine." He lied.

Dean cursed.

"You said you would fix this Cas!"

"You didn't listen to me though. I would have still had you guys had the decency not to try with the killing part. That not omitted, I believe I have nothing else to say to you as well."

Cas left in a flutter of wings and Dean tried to catch Sam from falling. He went down so fast and caught palm on some glass. Dean went to help him out, trying to render first aid when Sam just all out freaked. He wanted to say that all of this was on Cas but Dean really couldn't this time. Maybe if they went a different route with Cas, if they had just got him to listen and it didn't help that Sam was in the state that he was.

He shared a look with Bobby who agreed. This definitely wasn't looking good.

* * *

"Here, take some Tylenol Sam, I'm going to stitch it up."

Sam handed it back, scooting back to give him room to work. Dean frowned and went to make him take it anyways when he realized what this was about. He cursed under his breath just thinking about all the havoc Cas was causing out there. Sam didn't deserve any of this either. He was adamant that Sam had nothing to do with this at least. He was willing to let Cas do whatever and put his trust in him at first. Maybe it was the fact that he killed some innocent lady friend of Bobby's that made him rethink that but Sam didn't just go into anything like that and now he was refusing even the simplest of pain meds to punish himself.

"Please Sam, just take it-" he stopped when Sam's shoulders shuddered and Dean quickly gathered him in his arms. It was just like Sam to tear up now when everything was dwindled down. Dean sighed and began the stitching. He wanted to force the pills down his throat after seeing the winces but decided that he wouldn't. Sam obviously wasn't going to talk about it and there was no telling him otherwise.

"It's okay Sam. I know that you miss him but eventually we're going to get him to return the souls and then I could trap him in the panic room so that you two could get your geek on. I mean there's no one in the world that loves you more than Cas, besides me that is. He still loves you besides the way he is showing it right now. We just need to convince him-"

"Dean do you think he'll hold the stabbing him in the back thing against him?" Dean saw the question for what it was and let a shallow chuckle escape from his lips. Giving his brother reassurance was what he did best and he was usually at the top of his game too.

"He will just like you forgave him for all this shit he was doing and you forgave him for a bunch of other things that Cas seems to think is his fault but aren't. Like it was even his fault you got sick-"

"Sick with an angel plague isn't something he should be blaming himself for. He didn't know," Sam added seeing Dean's shocked look. "What? You thought I would hold a grudge?"

"No. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't want you to know-"

"I never blamed him for it though," Sam told him quickly. "He saved me too so why blame himself? He took a piece of himself and put it into me-Okay while that is funny I have a piece of his grace and I know he only thought he had to make up for what he caused but it could have happened to anybody."

"Not anybody Sam," Dean told him smoothing his hair back. "He may be on a mad killing spree right now but deep down, he's got to still be him in there."

Sam looked up and Dean silently cursed those puppy dog eyes once again. He honestly didn't like that with one look, Sam could get him to melt and do anything he wanted him to. It just wasn't fair. He paused and decided that he had to live with it for about three decades now, he could survive it now.

"You really think so? You think that he will be fine-"

"Just sleep Sam. Jeeze, Bobby's wondering how you are even vertical on most days." He turned and wrapped the bandage with a surprisingly big smile. "Once you wake up, everything will be loads better, I promise."

Against his better judgment, Sam found his eyes slowly closing and Dean waited until his brother was fully out of it before frowning. Cas would never see reason like this and there was no way he could stomach seeing Sammy so hurt but there may be one way to help Sam and put the angel in his place. He just hoped with this all ended, Sam wouldn't be too overly upset with him. He stood by what he planned though. It was too late to save Cas and he wasn't going to make Sam do the dirty deed and dwell for eternity with guilt over what transpired. No, that was because he had an awesome big brother to do it for him.

And Dean took a deep breath, knowing just how hard it would be to knock off his best friend.

* * *

"So trying to ice him didn't work," Gabriel answered for Dean with his arms crossed. Sam looked upset and sheepish at the same time and whilst Dean was trying to be understanding, he was upset that Sam lied to him. This wasn't something that he could stand and his brother downplayed everything.

"You should have told me about the hallucinations," Dean scolded. Sam hung his head further down and Gabriel slapped him. Dean would have gave a casual response when he realized that Gabriel had done something! "You should have told me you got your grace back!"

Gabriel frowned.

"Well it turns out that losing a couple of allies got me back my stupid grace. If it took losing Cassy to a power trip and the death of Balthazar, I would rather we do it the other way-"

"Cas isn't lost," Sam tried to tell them but it was ruined when he looked to his right. He shook his head and cut Dean off before he could even try. "I know he's in there and he is going to come out and-"

"He's going to admit that killing all those angels in heaven was bad?" Gabriel asked. Bobby entered the room with Emmanuel who was sleepily wiping at his eyes. Gabriel spared him a quick glance before turning to what Dean had pulled up. "Yeah, he's really all good and gooey to heart on the inside."

Sam leaned closer and halted, his breath being caught in his throat. There on the internet was detailed coverage of Cas murdering people at that election party or what not. Cas wouldn't have done something like that before. Dean paused it on the wicked smile and Sam turned away from it. There was no way he would believe it even though it was legitimate all the way.

"I'm sorry we showed this to you Sam but maybe Gabriel is right. I think deep inside Cas is still there like you but it doesn't matter anymore because-"

"He's still there Dean! He can't be lost and I am going to save him!" Sam stood up and started to walk outside. "What are you going to do?"

"Sam it's over. I've tried but nothing could be done. Even Gabriel believes that Cas is too far lost and the only good thing would be to put him out of his misery-"

"I'm not Dean. Not when there's still even a fraction of the Cas I love in there."

At the bang of the door slamming shut behind his younger brother, Dean swore. He still believed what he thought but it didn't change the fact that Sam was going to hurt so much after this was over and Dean would have to pick up the pieces of his brother's broken heart. Gabriel had just rolled his eyes and handed him Emmanuel.

"If you need me, just call me or hey you can pray. I'll still hear that lovely voice anywhere," Gabriel added in good light humor. Dean nodded and Gabriel was gone.

Alone with Emmanuel, it was then that he started really thinking hard about the situation at hand. After a moment of realizing that this wasn't something he ever wanted on his mind, he shook it off and laughed when Emmanuel shoved his daddy's laptop off the table.

It didn't hurt the laptop thank God but then again, some things were just so much worse.

* * *

"Cas I don't know if you could hear me or if you are even in there but I believe it so I hope you believe it too." Sam looked out to the sky that was blotted with pink and even some purple as the sun started to set. It brought back the day that he had spent with Cas at the park. Back then he hadn't worried about anything but now. He couldn't let him think about that right now, it hurt. "I know you are still mad at me and I'm upset that I thought to even do it. You're not evil Cas and if you ever need help, I won't hesitate to help you and neither would Dean. I still love you and you are always going to be a friend to all of us."

He saw that Cas wasn't coming and it didn't ease the pain in his chest but if there was one thing he did know, it was that he wouldn't give up. He would come around and Sam sighed before heading back inside. The first thing he heard was weird female voices. He saw that Emmanuel was asleep on the couch and silently thanked God that he hadn't heard it and Dean was drinking whilst watching what sounded like some sort of porn. Dean handed him a glass and Sam gave him a look.

"Only if you shut that off."

Dean shrugged but closed it all the same. Sam just sat down and took it from him when Cas appeared. Sam jumped whilst Dean stood back questionably.

"I heard your message Sam. I think," he looked between both of them and continued with desperation. "I need your help."

Sam nodded.

"We'll help you Cas," he told him with a small smile.

Dean wanted to smile but couldn't seem to muster the energy and instead nodded along with Sam. Sighing, he turned and called Gabriel who appeared a second later with a chocolate bar in hand. The archangel only had his grace back recently and he was already relying on it so heavily. It almost made Dean mad when he thought about it.

"Can you watch Emmanuel? Bobby is going to help us-"

"Of course Deano. Just let me know when you need him back otherwise it's pranks and jokes 101 with his Uncle Gabriel."

Cas looked at him in surprise and Gabriel smiled. He snapped his fingers and both him and Emmanuel were gone. Turning to both Sam and Cas, Dean said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Well I guess it's time to get there and put the souls back."

Cas nodded.

He didn't complain the whole way there and Bobby started helping as soon as they got to the destination. Sam hovered near by when Dean propped him against the wall as he helped Bobby with the heedless task of putting the damn symbol on the wall. Cas looked at Sam with some form of regret and Sam allowed himself a soft smile.

"I'm sorry I hurt you Sam. I did it again. I'll fix this as soon as this ends and then I won't hurt you again, okay? Some part of me just wishes that we had the time to be the perfect little family you wanted. I half wanted another baby girl only with your hair and mouth. Maybe the dream is a little farfetched-"

"I'd love that," Sam quickly answered with a smile that lightened his features. Cas nodded silently. He turned to see them moving the table and turned to Sam once again. "I would have really loved that with you Cas. Are you saying it's too late now?"

Cas smiled sadly but otherwise refused to say anything else on the issue. Sam knew he just didn't want to talk about it and left it alone. He was just glad that Cas was coming around and that he could help him. Well they were and Cas was accepting it without any difficulty. There was nothing in the world that would stop him from helping the angel he loved either.

"There's a jar on the shelf some ways down. Could you get it for me?"

Sam nodded and Cas yanked on his arm a moment before he could jump up to do the task.

"If it would mean anything, I'm very sorry Sam. I wish you could love me still but-"

"I love you Cas and that won't change, I told you. I love you even with you doing all that you did. I can't just turn it off."

"You shouldn't need to. For what it's worth, I love you too," Cas added and Sam practically beamed before Cas finally removed his hand. Sam went off down the hall and Cas sighed loudly. He saw Dean and knew that he was madder than ever. "I'm sorry Dean. I hurt you and I hurt your brother. I never seem to do anything right-"

"Spit it out. What is it that makes you so sorry?" Dean asked in spite of himself.

"I feel regret and I know that it may be too late but if something were to happen to me, I'd be fine with it but Sam…He loves me way too much already and I don't want him to go down the one road I've been trying to avoid. I don't want him to feel pain by loving me-"

"It's a little too late for that Cas," Bobby spoke up. "Since the day he met you it was a little too late for all of it. What are you going to do, make him not remember all three years of loving you? Even then I bet there would be scars lingering in his heart now."

"You're right, it won't change anything. I'm still sorry."

Dean had wandered off to find out what was taking Sam long and came back with the jar. Sam was absent and Cas did worry but Dean just waved him off as something they'd worry about once they returned the souls back to purgatory. He put the symbol on the wall and let Cas stand within distance of it and the same direction as he and Bobby recited the incantation. Cas felt like he was going to fall but each time there was the thought of giving up, he remembered that he had to fix everything he had messed with and went on.

The wall opened up soon enough and devoured all the souls. It was over and they could breathe again or so they thought when they found out that there were some that held on, not being sucked out along with the rest. It was only a genuine miracle that there was the fact that their vessel was looking in bad shape and ran to escape them. Dean cursed under his breath and told himself that they had to follow them and see what they were up to first.

They grabbed Sam upon the way who looked more than majorly freaked out but they could bring that issue up later. Instead he warned him about Cas and they followed the possessed angel outside to the water supply area.

Cas was gone.

But his trench coat was there and Dean didn't want to think about what was now on Sam's mind because if he was already missing his best friend, how could Sam handle losing the one he loved so much?

"That stupid child," Dean found himself muttering anyways.

"He was friends with us," Bobby lamented weakly. He too was watching Sam who wasn't showing anything. Quite frankly, he expected more emotion and eyed Dean who shrugged behind him. "Let's go home."

"But the Leviathans-" It was the first thing Sam said on the issue since and Dean nodded before Sam allowed himself to be led away.

Away from the swamp but closer to the feeling that his chest was on fire. Sam didn't know if this was what a broken heart felt like but Cas was gone and for some reason after the fiery sensation was gone, nothing was left.

He just felt numb.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how it is and REVIEW! :)


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Thirteen

Sam hugged the toilet.

After everything with the Leviathan thing and all, the cabin hadn't done much to help him recuperate. Emmanuel was demanding and clingy, Dean and Bobby were overly cautious with what they did around him, and Sam was just too tired. He hated this and the vomiting. He told himself that it was only because he lost the one thing that meant the world to him that he was feeling this sick. It couldn't be anything else.

Dean was hanging off to the side, ready to help out but Sam didn't want anything. The one thing he did, he couldn't have so he couldn't understand why that would change. He leant right back over the rim of the toilet as he felt bile rise once again. He groaned afterwards and damn near fainted from the effort it was taking just to get up.

The voice was starting to come back in his head and he quickly dug into the stitches until he no longer heard it. It was a horrible thing and if he had to think anymore, he was going to go insane. He didn't want to remember anything and was quite intent with the numb feeling. If he wasn't feeling anything then he wasn't feeling the hurt, the pain, and the rip of his heart as it still hung shattered in a million pieces.

"Sam do you want to spend some time away from the cabin?" Dean asked softly and Sam looked up, noticing that Dean was holding a washcloth to the back of his neck. He took a deep shuddering breath before vomiting once again. There wasn't really much left to throw up. The one thing he had eaten this morning had come up already. Now he was miserably retching mostly. That and bringing up greenish yellow bile. "You're getting dehydrated Sammy. You don't think there's the possibility of-"

"No Dean," Sam snapped. He moaned and let himself dry heave. He was almost threw vomiting for the day and he didn't want to think about that. Not after everything and Dean shouldn't have put that possibility in his head as well. "I just want to get out of here."

Dean nodded.

"All you had to do was ask. You remember Lisa and her son Ben right?" He waited for Sam to show some recognition and once he did, Dean continued. "Her son is turning twelve and they invited us to a birthday party so if you think it would be okay, we could go."

Sam nodded.

"Okay. We could go," Sam slowly eased his way from the toilet and stretched the kinks from his body. He was going to have sore muscles if he had to go through this every day. Sam waited for Dean to grab his jacket while he put one onto Emmanuel, getting the diaper bag as well so that they had plenty of stuff for the drive over there.

"You think you could not be mad for a moment Sam?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded as he put Emmanuel into the car seat and buckled himself at the front seat without comment. Dean knew Sam wasn't really in the mood to talk these days and he hated it. Hell a part of him hated Cas for this. He left behind a major heart break and Dean was once again left behind to glue back all the pieces only he was beginning to realize that there were a couple of pieces that weren't ever going to be found. Without Cas, Sam just wasn't the same.

"Listen I know you don't want to hear it and I'm normally with you. Why bring back all of that-"

"Then why do you?" Sam snapped in question and Dean had to keep himself from snapping in his reply. Sam was hurt he reminded himself. Even though it didn't give him the excuse to talk like that, he could understand. To a degree at least but he wasn't going to continuously get beat down no matter how many broken pieces were on the floor right now.

"Because if you are I can't have you hunting Sam. You know how bad it was last time and you could go into premature-"

"I already told you that I'm not," Sam interrupted hotly. "I can't be and I'm not."

"Yeah and you went to a doctor to check?" Dean asked irritably. "You've been throwing up for a month after Cas died and you haven't even tried to face this possibility. It's no or I'm just stressed and it's making me sick. You are stressed Sam, I know it and so does Bobby but you only ever threw up like this when-"

"When I was pregnant with Emmanuel," Sam finished for him with a bitter tone. "I don't want to be Dean. He would never get to see it if it were true and I can't, Dean I just can't be."

"Right and how many times have we told ourselves that we were that lucky?" Dean asked and Sam shut his mouth. "I mean you can't just wish you weren't and come to think of it, did you even remember when it could have been? I mean you still love him and I don't usually care what you are up to-"

"Just drop it Dean!" Sam finally yelled. "I don't honestly want to hear it. I'm fine."

"Sam-"

"I'm fine Dean and nothing you say will change what I say! I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm fine! And a million more times, I'm fine! If you don't want to believe it I can't make you but I can't change that. Leave me alone though," Sam added trying to regain his breath. Dean just nodded, keeping his eyes on the road and seeing Sam lay his head on the window sill.

"I know you hate it Sam. I hate it and I know you're not okay. You would like to think it though," Dean said after a pause. "And believe me I could understand to some degree-"

"Can you Dean?" Sam didn't move his head so Dean couldn't tell from his expression what he was feeling. "I lost the one I love again and Emmanuel lost his father. I like to think I'm miserable and hurt but I'm not. Maybe because I'm feeling too numb but at least I don't have to feel it and then there's that one possibility and it scares me Dean. It scares me so much because I never wanted this on the expense of losing him. I can't live with that."

"There's still the chance he's alive you know?" Dean didn't wait before edging on. "We never actually saw him die."

"Yeah but then again there's not much to go on."

Dean nodded in agreement.

"I guess but don't lose hope Sam and you could even tell yourself that even if you were. Maybe Cas could see you when and if he's alive and you could have the little girl he wants so much."

Sam allowed himself a small sad smile. He didn't believe one bit that this would be the outcome but he played along. Isn't that what they always done? They played roles their whole lives and he began to think that maybe his dad had been right. Love was something that ultimately ended up hurting you more than anything else. Once again it was another silent 'I told you so son so why don't you ever listen to me' jab right to the heart from his dad. It was like he was there telling him how much he screwed up by falling hard and not leaving enough room to escape unharmed if something went downhill. He wasn't his dad though and he couldn't turn that off no matter what. He may not have had the most perfect of relationships but it was his and he was happy whilst he had it and now when he had to live without it, he could be happy enough with the memories. The memories could help him go on.

"Yeah, I'd really like to have Cas's girl. We could name her after him and she could be as naïve as him. I'd love that," Sam continued getting lost in the thought that he could come back and they could do exactly that.

Dean nodded.

"Get some sleep Sammy," he said with a soft sigh.

Sam was asleep before he knew it. He didn't even remember closing his eyes before he was out and he didn't notice Dean clench the steering wheel tightly. He didn't even see him clench his teeth but he knew that whatever he was feeling, Dean wasn't spared. Dean met Castiel first and they had been best friends.

* * *

"Hey boys and who is this little guy?" Lisa asked in askance when she saw the toddler hiding in Sam's shirt. She laughed as she threaded a hand through his baby fine light brown hair. He peeked up from behind his hands and smiled showing off his dimples making Lisa aw. "This little guy is so cute! Kinda reminds me of when Ben was little except he has some pretty blue eyes. He must be yours Sam and what about the mother? Shouldn't she be with you-"

Sam went past her then, handing Emmanuel off to Dean in the process and Dean shrugged as he heard vomiting from what he believed was the direction of the bathroom. Lisa looked at Dean in worry but decided that if they weren't going to tell her, she wasn't going to ask. They would talk when they felt they were ready to. She couldn't just push them into talking or else they would be running off.

"So where's the birthday boy?" Dean asked with a false cheery voice. Lisa continued to stare for a second more before slapping a sad smile on her face and leading him there.

Ben was sitting in one of the lawn chairs in the center of a group of his small friends. Dean thought about what him and Sam had went through their whole childhood and even now. It made him glad that he never went back to Lisa's before. He couldn't let her have what he had and the fact that Ben would be part of that made everything so much worse. He couldn't have lived with that and then there was the fact that he now felt like he may have feelings for Gabriel. He certainly liked him now but with him being away again, he wondered how long it would be before he ended up with a heart shattered into a million pieces like Sam. No, he was going to play safe. He knew that like his dad who didn't get close too much to people, he wasn't going to do this as well. Sam was the exception because he allowed himself to feel more than he should have felt and in the end he was hurt. Dean wasn't going to.

He couldn't face what would happen on the other side.

* * *

"Hey Ben," Sam said with a soft smile.

His friends looked at him before turning back and the kid in the center went back to talking to whatever it was they were talking about without acknowledgment. Sam didn't care, quickly picking Emmanuel up to put in the little play thing. Emmanuel bounced and squealed in happiness one moment and then popped right back into Sam's arms the next. Sam just held onto him, rubbing his back to let him know that he was here and that he wasn't going to leave him. Emmanuel smiled gratefully and kissed him with a small smile.

"Dada me jump." He got down and held onto Sam's hand, jumping in the process. Lisa appeared, putting the cake onto the table. Sam quickly scooped his child up and turned him around so he wouldn't cause mischief with it. Emmanuel had a habit of doing that and all that hanging about with Gabriel wasn't helping much.

He jumped slightly when Ben went by interrupting his thought process by taking one look at him and looking at him weirdly. He wondered what it was while he still had Emmanuel cradled against his chest to keep him away from the cake. The toddler didn't nap earlier anyhow and was probably tired.

"You look like you gained a little weight there. My friends told me that any male that has a baby had to be crazy, stupid, and hate their lives. I heard childbirth is painful enough for women so guys that would voluntarily let themselves get knocked up are at fault. I don't care whose idea it was to have some action because the act of a man having a baby is just wrong and gross."

Sam felt his heart race hearing all that. So that was what they had been talking about when he had greeted him. He smiled to show that it didn't bother him and quickly left with Emmanuel snoozing into his ear. He hastily deposited him on the couch and ran back towards the bathroom. He vomited violently, his throat starting to really hurt after the fourth time and he wished that he hadn't agreed to come here.

He let out a groan until he felt hands on his shoulder and a cold wash cloth was placed at the back of his neck as he tried to concentrate on keeping his food down. He gulped several times before giving in and vomiting so violently, his head begun to spin and the room tilted. He barely heard Dean's voice cursing before he slumped back over and let his eyes close. He was going to be fine, he told himself. Dean was wrong because he was okay.

As long as they were fine, he was too.

* * *

"SON OF A BITCH!"

Dean slammed the phone down and Lisa glared at the way he was behaving. Emmanuel was a toddler and was acting better than him. Of course she halfway expected that he wasn't that innocent in regards either since he was half Winchester. Dean seemingly sighed before taking a seat next to the little tyke and placing an arm around his small body.

"What's my great nephew doing? You love your uncle right?"

Emmanuel laughed.

"I wuv ou unca De."

Dean nodded taking that as a cue and lifting Emmanuel into his arms. They stared at each other for a moment before Dean lifted up his shirt and started blowing raspberries onto his stomach. The toddler squealed and tried to get away despite Dean's tight grip on his wiggling form.

"Unca wuit," he squealed again and Dean went one more round too late. The lights above him blew up and Dean swore, holding a hand above his head and protecting his nephew with the next one. He shared a look with the little guy though and quickly laughed it off.

"Faulty light bulb there-"

Lisa wasn't buying it. Ben was reading nearby and would have continued to ignore them when the doctor arrived and hustled them into the room. Sam didn't want to be there and it was apparent when he saw him. He sighed at the pale sweaty face and the oxygen mask placed over his mouth and nose. It was worse than he had originally thought and Dean wished he had taken him to a hospital sooner even with the brat's kicking and screaming antics. Suddenly he realized where Emmanuel got all the tantrums from and decided he wasn't going to get in between of them anymore and let him deal with that. Maybe then Sam would at least listen to him.

"Your brother keeps saying he's fine despite the fact that he's on supplemental oxygen and has had two periods of feeling the need to pass out. The blood that was in the vomit earlier was because his throat is raw from all the times he retched and it will take some time to heal. So I prescribed some anti-nausea meds and nice cold liquids. Ice cream would be fine too. However he doesn't wish to cooperate all the way and I'm afraid until he could stand without needing the extra oxygen to keep him vertical, he's stuck with an IV. He's dehydrated as well and he really should have come when it started getting this bad. Hyperemesis gravidarum is not a condition to take lightly especially since-"

"Wait what?" Dean asked and Sam looked away at this. Dean really knew something was going on when the doctor looked, if anything, more annoyed and irritated than before.

"It's severe morning sickness. The pregnancy test drawn at the lab came back negative but we saw a clear view of the baby in the ultrasound and I'd say he's about eight weeks and three days. He's two months along right now and I would really like to put him on bed rest so that after he's been discharged, he could have time to recover. The baby could still be miscarried if he continues to bring the stress he's had in his life-"

"The one he loved died recently," Dean said in a small voice. "He's been trying to move on but it has been rather difficult seeing as how much he loved the man."

"Right, do you think anti-depressants would help as well Mr. Kimsey?" Lisa arched an eyebrow but stayed quiet. So far she didn't take the fact that his brother was pregnant bother her. If anything she looked concerned the more she heard and that was a surprise for him as well.

"Maybe a mild form," Dean said looking over at Sam. He couldn't even get over the death of his daughter and now this was thrown at him. Maybe a little intervention could help.

"Okay, and he has a place to stay until we get a second ultrasound to verify that everything is okay?" Dean was about to open his mouth but Lisa beat him to it.

"He's staying with me doctor. I'm pretty sure that it's not much of a hassle and as long as the baby is fine, I'm sure he will listen to whatever we tell him to do."

Dean gulped and shared a look with Sam.

Something in Lisa's eyes told him this wasn't going to be easy. Seeing them look at her, she glared and Dean quickly amended his statement.

Nope, it wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how it is and REVIEW! :)


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Fourteen

"I'm not a baby Dean, I could get up to go to the bathroom without you hassling me. Damn it I'm not even showing yet!" Dean backed off but Sam was close to face planting and Dean was glad that he stayed around. Sam finally agreed to lay back down after the older hunter helped him to the bathroom and gave him the privacy he needed so badly. He was just about in bed when Sam saw Ben sitting nearby.

"Hey Ben, you still want to play basketball later on?" Dean asked and Ben nodded without hesitation. He had his game boy with him and Sam found himself wondering how he was going to be with Emmanuel once his kid was twelve years old. He thought about it until his thoughts turned to a certain angel and they went cold. He didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to remember how bad it was now. Instead he concentrated on staring at the ceiling and remembering the times when he was pregnant with Emmanuel. Those memories would always be in the back of his mind and he let himself smile thinking about some of them. Oh how he loved him so. He hated when everything turned back to the here and now, but better to have had him than not at all, right?

"Sam are you okay?" Dean looked concerned and Sam hastily brought a sleeve up to wipe at his face. Ben had left by then and for that he was grateful. He truly seemed to dislike him for some odd reason that he couldn't place. He hadn't realized he was crying until Dean had brought it up and he didn't want to talk about it. Dean just sighed and brushed his hair back, letting Sam relax into his grip. "It's okay Sam. We finally got what you wanted for a little while anyways. Emmanuel is going to start daycare and I'll take some simple side job to help Lisa out. She's nice though and doesn't want to believe that we owe her but now it's kind of like an allowance-"

"When I'm off I want to help. I mean I know eventually this would be taken away because of the Leviathans but-"

"Gabe's checking it out. Giving me updates and all that shit. Besides no stress. It's bad for the baby," Dean frowned for some reason and Sam eyed him curiously. Dean just shrugged before moving him over a little bit and getting right in. "I remember when you were younger and you would jump into my bed almost all the time. I used to act so annoyed but I was glad that whenever you needed someone you came to me. Dad was jealous though. I could see it."

Sam looked at him in surprise. Dean never told him that but then again, not a lot of things about their dad came up. Mostly because of the fact that their dad was still somewhat of a touchy subject even now. Sam nodded and leaned into Dean's shoulder. Dean draped an arm around his middle with a smile.

"So why was he so jealous when he told you to look out for me? Isn't that what he wanted?" Sam was still curious about that and Dean laughed, bringing a hand up to play with his younger brother's soft smooth hair.

"You would think that but it wasn't him that you took your first steps to, it was me. We were trying to get you to walk and you were really stubborn about it. We couldn't get you to crawl but you learnt to sit up and sit, moving yourself around on your butt until you were able to stand and then you pulled yourself around that way. It was really cute then too."

"It isn't now?" Sam asked humorously.

"Of course it is. You're always acting cute," Dean added with a playful smile on his lips. Sam was content now and Dean didn't want him to go back to thinking because it would lead to him crying again and Dean hated that.

"So anyways, you were just bouncing around where you stood and I tried everything in the book to get you to come to me and dad was just smiling smugly saying stuff like he'll walk when he's ready and shit like that. Anyways finally you looked like you were really mad at him when he mentioned that you just couldn't do it and you started to walk. Dad was smug like he thought, oh come here big boy and prove you could but midway you turned and giggled when you saw me. You called me De and walked straight to me, holding on like a life line too. I swear I was so shocked and dad was disappointed. He could hide it all he wants but he really wanted you to show affection to him then. You didn't. Your first word had been De as well. You were closer to me than you ever were to him too. You slept better with me, you played better when I was around, and when you got scared you found comfort in me. Dad just didn't like it underneath it all but I was happy."

Sam gaze locked on him, his observation uncannily like he was looking into his brother's soul. Dean didn't know what this baby's powers might be since they had a habit of being born powerful but then again, there was no telling this one actually had a soul. He hoped he was wrong about that but Sam didn't seem worried so he wouldn't be.

"I'm glad that I have a brother like you. I honestly think anybody else would have left me by now."

Dean laughed.

"You're still my pain in the ass little brother and there is nothing in the world that would stop me from turning the ends of the earth to keep you safe. No one is ever going to hurt you. I promise."

He left out the fact that Sam had been hurt not by something evil or some supernatural monster that Dean kept him from but the death of someone he loved. There was no way of kicking the angel's ass either and yet, he found his guilt ease a little bit. His love for the angel would never change. He loved him with all his heart and he understood how much it hurt not to have him in his life but Dean was here and he wasn't going anywhere. If anything he still had plenty to live for. If he didn't then his children would have nothing and he couldn't have that.

Smiling without any pain or worry in the first time for a month, Sam allowed himself to drift off. He didn't notice the frown or the way his brother turned back to say something in return. By then he was dreaming of being weightless in nothing but white and seeing Cas once again.

It was very much a downer however when he woke up later and found that Cas wasn't there and even though his brother was pressed up against him, giving off warmth, Sam was still very much alone.

* * *

Sam was glad when the doctor had taken him off of best rest with instructions not to do any physical activity that would put him in risk of blunt force trauma in the abdomen. He was now ten weeks and very much glad when Dean had allowed him to eat at the table with everyone else. Ben was there but he didn't look very happy, although he never seemed to be when Sam was around. It looked like he wanted to think of Dean as his dad and tried to push him onto his mom.

Emmanuel was blabbing away some nonsense about daycare with Sam listening idly all the while letting Lisa know she had his attention as well. Lisa just smiled, seeing the little boy really happy and his dimpled smile was worth the cause for all the work she had been doing to keep him this way. Sam looked more happier as well and Dean was easy going. It was difficult to tell that they literally been through hell in the last couple of months.

"So we had sex education today in school," Ben suddenly said bringing the adults to his attention. "They talk about a man and a woman loving each other and having a baby. They say that a man is supposed to fall in love with a woman and marry her so that they could have babies. I didn't get it though. I mean my friends know it and I know it but why would a man want to suffer like that? Isn't bad enough that he's a faggot-"

"BEN!" Lisa shrieked.

Dean rose an eyebrow before smirking and Sam could have smacked him. He knew that Ben didn't like him and liked to belittle him at every opportunity but Emmanuel was still too young to know about stuff like that. It could've waited after Emmanuel left the room or was put down for his nap. It was like Ben was doing this on purpose.

"It's true mom. Even McKinley had said that it was degrading, sick, and dirty. I would think that someone would know that-"

"So you think everything is black and white, huh?" Dean asked simply. Lisa glared at him but he gave her a pointed look and she allowed him to go on despite her better judgment. "Do your friends know about what me and Sam do for a living?"

"No they would think I'm crazy-"

"Then how do you know they are right? You said yourself that they don't know about the supernatural that are out there?" Dean asked pointedly having interrupted Ben once again.

"This is different," Ben told him with his arms crossed.

Lisa sighed.

"Why would you think that Ben? Didn't I teach you that it shouldn't matter as long as you love the person?"

Ben was stubborn, a trait that the Winchester's surely understood but even now, Dean wanted to slap him or bang his head until he came to understand. Sam was never this stubborn and that was saying something since he tended to remember a certain twelve year old that wouldn't stop flashing him puppy dog eyes until they snuck a stray into the motel room for a week. By the time their father had gotten home, they found the owner, got chased by some demons, and had almost been arrested. The things he did for the brat of a younger brother but still, Sam was open to anything. This was just plain stupid.

"So you would fall in love with a woman if you liked them enough?" Ben challenged. Before Lisa could continue to argue, Dean laughed. Ben glared at him and Dean smirked, leaning back in his chair before continuing what he felt was important.

"So you're saying that angels got it wrong because they fell in love with someone and they just happened to be a guy? And having an angel baby had nothing to do with it-"

"So that's why the light fixtures broke!" Lisa exclaimed. Dean wondered if he should admit to anything or just keep his mouth shut but Lisa went on ignoring his look of silent surprise. "So Emmanuel is a half angel baby that seems very powerful. How in the world do you guys keep that hidden from the general public?"

"Juice," Sam answered instead. "He'd do anything for juice."

Emmanuel laughed and clapped his hands before a sipper cup appeared in his hand that had been previously in Sam's. Lisa gaped at the display but Sam just shrugged and turned back to eating. It wasn't like he was worried that Lisa would sell them out just because his baby wasn't fully human.

"So you had sex with an angel and he knocked you up?" At Sam's nod Ben grumbled. "That's stupid."

"No that's love." Dean corrected. "You can't control who you fall in love with and when you do, it's not love, it's lust. Believe me I've lusted over a bunch of women in my time and not one of them could ever get a piece of my heart because I could never love any one of them. Sorry Lisa." Lisa just nodded. She understood and she knew that she liked Dean but he wasn't someone she could imagine being with for a lifetime. He just wasn't someone that held onto someone like she wanted and what she wanted was someone stable and safe. Yet she knew that she could house them for as long as they liked.

"He's dead now. Guess the love wasn't that strong," Ben continued and it was the sound of a fist banging onto the table that made him jump. He didn't realize he went too far until he saw that Dean was not actually smiling anymore.

"Yes, he may very well be dead but love has nothing to do with it. He still loves Sam very much, Cas does. And there's nothing that could change that. However you are missing the big picture. Sure it hurts like hell giving birth and I should know, I was there when Sam gave birth to Emmanuel and it really isn't pretty but don't all types of love take sacrifice? Would you rather give up on love because of the one you found yourself being with was different or would you hold onto everything you had because you knew that it was everything you wanted? I seriously could see why you have been giving Sam a hard time and I have to say, I can't believe you're being unfair."

Ben looked like he wanted to protest until he got the last part and looked up in shocked surprise. Lisa looked surprised as well but couldn't honestly say she didn't see this coming. Ben had for a long time felt that he had to be in the crowd to be cool and now that he was being told differently, he was holding onto what he knew. Sam was pregnant and was a male so he felt that it wasn't cool at all because people at the school wouldn't condone it. That was just how some things were. But Lisa knew that Dean and Sam were way different than your average human. They didn't fall in love with just anybody and Sam proved it by loving Cas with every ounce he had in him and again when his heart shattered at the thought of living without the angel.

"See you think it's disgusting, why?" Dean asked.

Ben looked at his mom and Lisa gave him the go ahead. He sighed but took the bait.

"He takes it up the ass. My friends say anyone who is willing to do that is just a whore begging for it. They are the sluts of society-"

"Right and your friends aren't whoring with different girls?" Dean asked.

Ben shrugged.

"Shawna is pregnant and she's going to be thirteen in three months," he admitted.

Dean smiled.

"If the simple act of taking it up the ass is disgusting like you say then how could you not like Sam but like me?" Ben and Lisa looked at him in shock and Sam silently laughed, holding his son's ears to protect his innocent mind. Emmanuel laughed along, not understanding what his daddy was doing but figured that it was a game and went along with it. He stuck his gooey hands over Sam's ears and watched at how his daddy didn't even get mad. He kissed him and sucked on his thumb, watching how they looked like when the light bulbs blew out above Dean in the hospital.

"You couldn't have Dean," Lisa said slowly. "You, Dean Winchester, told me that you would never submit to anyone and it was a show of weakness-"

"Maybe I found my very own guardian angel," Dean supplied.

Sam was laughing hard now, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes as he saw Dean's face twist to one of annoyance when Lisa joined in. Ben looked confused and Sam paused, seeing Emmanuel about to fall asleep on his lap. He sighed, wiping the tears from his eyes before picking his child up and planning to get him cleaned and dressed for bed. Emmanuel liked to sleep with him, it was common knowledge that ever since Cas left, he didn't want to be alone more than likely afraid that daddy would slip away as well. Sam wasn't going to do that to him.

He watched him sleep in the small bed that he had brought in and placed near his bed knowing that sometime during the night, he was going to wake up to the small child pressing against him for closeness. He wouldn't take that from him either because he didn't want him to feel neglected. He placed a kiss on his sleeping son's forehead and was just closing the door silently when he spotted Ben right next to him, gazing at the wall in front instead of looking at him.

"You're lucky you know," he finally said. "I don't hate you. I thought it was wrong until Dean made me understand and even though I have trouble imagining Dean doing any of that, he's right. He's happy so what can I do? But it doesn't stop me from being jealous. You and the angel, Cas was it? You had something special and your son. He knows who both his parents are. He doesn't have to wonder what would happen if he was raised knowing both."

He paused and Sam seemed to be seeing where Ben was coming from for the very first time since he had met him. Dean was always fond of the kid and teaching him how to be cool but he didn't understand when it came to feeling. He couldn't understand this and Sam could only hope that Ben wouldn't feel like he had to do this in order to apologize. If he wanted to, Dean would listen but Ben looked over and he knew he couldn't. Ben was confiding in him something that the kid never told anyone, possibly not even his mom and he knew it had to be really hard to do so. He kept silent, letting the kid have space to breathe.

"I never knew my dad, Sam. I will never know who he looked like, what his personality was like. At least you could tell your son that you loved the father with all your heart. I don't even have that. And that baby your carrying now? May not have met him but will always be ten times luckier than I am because both were made out of the love you have for each other and they could say that with one hundred percent certainty because I know that when his name comes up, the way you look. You loved him more than anyone could even imagine. And someday I hope I have that too."

Sam could only nod.

What could he say to something like that?

He slipped back into his room and hugged a pillow to his midsection and tried to piece together what he just heard. The thing was, Ben didn't understand the negative side to having such a thing in this world. It still hurt with every ounce of his being and he didn't want Ben to know but if he did love like Sam did and then lost them, he wouldn't ever be the same. Sam was barely holding it together as it was. He shuddered and pressed on the scar on his palm. For goodness sake he was still having hallucinations of Lucifer! Turning his face into the pillow, he let himself slowly begin to drift off.

He hated sleeping because at night he would dream. It was always the best thing in the world and that was why he couldn't stand it. Nobody could ever imagine why dreams were such a horrible place to visit.

Well they didn't have to wake up and realize the dreams would just be that; dreams.

They didn't have to wake up and face reality.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how it is and REVIEW! :)


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG. Don't like, don't read!

* * *

Chapter Fifteen

Cas was gone.

It wasn't like Sam had to really get used to the idea since he had witnessed it himself but the fact that he kept thinking about it every time he was alone didn't help. Ben steered clear at least after the talk the kid had with Dean about how being pregnant wasn't such a bad thing. He could still tell that Ben was angry at him though. How could he not be? Sam wasn't having a really good time even though he knew Lisa was trying her best to accommodate them.

He wiped the tears from his eyes and glanced at the phone. The phone that they were able to salvage from the pocket from Cas's trench coat. He didn't hold anything valuable on his person and had it been some time ago Sam would have believed it. But after trying the trick where he had the dry rice absorb the moisture in an attempt to save it, he was able to turn it on without any issues. It wasn't until he looked through it that he became more and more depressed once again.

Hundreds upon hundreds of photos either had him and Cas, pictures of of him that he hadn't realized that Cas had taken or pictures with them and their son. Emmanuel was in there a lot too and seeing this made the tears fall steadily down his cheeks. The background photo was of him and Cas with a baby Emmanuel between them. That was before Sam had jumped into the cage to end the apocalypse. Rocking back and forth, he fought against the sobs racking through his body.

Cas was gone, he told himself. Cas wasn't coming back and he wasn't ever going to tell him that he didn't hate him. He wouldn't be able to tell him that he loved only him and that he wanted him to stay around. He wasn't going to be selfish. If Cas could only devote a little of his time, Sam would be happy with whatever Cas would give him. But most of all he would never know about the baby growing inside him now. The baby that was made out of love and happiness that Cas had been there.

He quickly scrubbed at his eyes when he heard a knock on the door. He didn't want any one of them to know he was unhappy. They were helping him too much as it was, more than he felt he deserved. He turned over onto his side, away from the door and bit his bottom lip to keep himself from crying out. The knocking didn't go away and Sam grabbed the pillow he that was beside him and put it over his head.

"Mom says you have to come and eat!" Sam ignored Ben's annoyed and irritated voice, curling up within himself. He didn't want this pain, God he didn't want it at all. He whimpered wishing that he could somehow get all of this away. He pushed down the urge to burst out crying again and noticed that the knocking had stopped. His relief was short lived when it continued a moment later.

"Come on Sam! Dean is coming home in about thirty five minutes and mom promised to have you taken care of. Wouldn't want them to think you killed your miserable self."

Sam peaked out from the pillow and noticed that it was still shut to his relief. Pulling himself up, he walked to the bathroom and closed the door. Hearing the click to as he locked the door, he quickly turned the tap water and made sure it was running before sliding down to the floor. Bringing his knees up, he finally let himself cry.

* * *

"Your brother is depressed," Ben acknowledged during supper. He saw that Sam made no indication that he heard him and was instead looking through some phone that looked like it was worn thin. If that was his phone, he was going to need a new one soon but he decided against bringing it up since Dean was there and he wouldn't like it if he insulted him.

"Sam have you been feeling down?" Dean asked stuffing a piece of chicken into his mouth before expecting Sam to answer him. The younger brother only kept his eyes on the phone and Dean fought to control his irritation. It was not going to help his brother, especially when he knew that his brother wasn't getting the sleep he was needing. He knew because of the nightmares chasing him at night. He whimpered often and Dean swore he was going to find some kind of sleeping pills that he could take if it didn't change soon. "Sam answer the question."

"I'm a single parent with a small son. I have another baby on the way and half the time I worry if you are even going to come back home. Maybe one day I'll hear that you got mauled to death and wonder if it was a windego that finally did you in. It doesn't matter because one day you're going to die. Maybe the Leviathans would put us out of our misery at the end-"

He jumped when he heard the inexplicable sound of Dean's fist meeting the table. He looked over with wide eyes, surprised that his brother was this angry. He tried to apologize but Dean held up a hand and he effectively shut up.

"You know better than to think that Sam! Damn it, what would you have wanted if you were in his shoes? He's dead as far as you know but that doesn't mean that every good little thing you have is going to go to waste. You have two children, well one is on the way anyways but you still have children to think about! Would you want them to learn to give up when things get bad? You love Cas and I understand how much you want him to be here but think of it this way. We don't even know if he's really gone but sitting here and wishing won't help. We have to find a way to take down the Leviathans and I can't have you being suicidal Sam. I know you have that baby blues thing and maybe seeing someone might help-"

"I'm not seeing someone," Sam quickly shot. "I'm fine. I wasn't really going to kill myself and I know my kids need me. I'm sorry Dean. I'm sorry-"

Dean sighed.

"There's no reason to be sorry Sam but I don't believe you. You are obviously unhappy and even though you try to hide it, I basically raised you, so I know when you don't feel a hundred percent. It's nothing to be ashamed of Sam and-"

"I want to get out of the house," Sam quickly interrupted, watching both Dean and Lisa look at him in shock. Sam rolled his eyes. "Not like that. You have a small job that would help you get your mind off of things Dean and I promised that I wouldn't hunt with being pregnant and all but the thing is I don't do anything. I have at the most twenty four hours of free time and all I think about is what would happen if I was nicer, if I believed in Cas and didn't stab him in the back. He must really hate me because I told him I believed in what he was doing and then I turned around and did that…I keep thinking that I'll never have the chance to tell him that I'm sorry and that I do love him. I just want-"

"First off, okay get a small job to take your mind off of things. You're thinking too much and that big brain in your head is going to explode from all the over thinking." Sam raised an eyebrow but otherwise kept quiet while Dean was talking. "Second, if Cas thought you hated him so much, he wouldn't have agreed to return the souls to purgatory in the first place. You know as well as I do that we can never force the angel to do anything, he did it because he loves you Sam."

Sam nodded, still moving the food around his plate with his fork and Dean took that as a sign that Sam was still bothered. He didn't really think the mild form of antidepressants that the doctor had him on was working anymore. Sam was more depressed today than he had ever been while he was here and he had to wonder what brought it on. He stopped wondering when Ben grabbed the cell phone and started to look through it.

"This thing is so ancient and ugly. Don't you think you could bother to get a new phone-" Dean tried to stop Ben. He knew Ben was doing better since the talk but it was now obvious that he didn't like Sam crying almost all the time and getting down. It couldn't be helped though.

"Ben that's Cas's phone," Dean quickly told him.

Ben nodded then his eyes went wide. Sam snatched it back out of his hand and then paused on what he was seeing, seemingly shocked to find it there. If Dean knew Sam so well, his baby brother most likely went through everything on that phone ten times a day on most days and the fact that tears had started to spring from his brother's eyes at whatever he was seeing didn't help much.

"Sam what the hell-" he grabbed the phone from his brother and that was when he saw it. He silently cursed everything that he knew and especially Cas that he would do this to Sam once again. He knew he hadn't meant to but to do this. Sam quickly excused himself from the table and grabbed the phone back. Dean felt a little better knowing that Sam had taken Emmanuel with and knew he wouldn't do anything stupid with the kid there but that didn't change what he was feeling now.

"What's wrong Dean?" Lisa asked. "I don't get why Sam would be so upset with something that was in his boyfriend's phone."

Dean looked at his hands for a moment before looking up and even Ben was acutely aware that he had done something to make one of the brother's very upset. He hadn't meant to and seeing as how he hated the phone because it looked old and ugly didn't seem to be enough if Dean decided to take it out on him. But he never did. Instead he looked upset at the one who put the message there and he really couldn't blame him.

Dean finally looked up to Lisa and the single mom knew why he was upset. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that it was something the angel had put but she supposed unless one of the brothers told her, she wouldn't even know.

"It was a message from Cas to Sam and judging from the date, it had been the day that everything went from bad to the worst day of Sam's fricking life. It read, 'If you're reading this I'm sorry for all the things I have done to you. I always made things worse and wasn't always there for you but it never meant that I didn't care. I love you and I'm sorry for everything. If I don't get the chance I just want to say good bye.'" Dean cradled his head in his hands with an upcoming headache and he could tell that Lisa looked crestfallen at that. Looking up confirmed that that was one horrible message to leave someone that you loved especially when Dean spent most of his days telling Sam that Cas couldn't necessarily be dead. There was no way he was going to believe him now.

"Why in the world would that mean anything though?" Lisa asked and Dean looked up in silent surprise. "I mean sure he was saying goodbye just in case something horrible went down but that doesn't mean he could be dead. You said yourself that you had belief that he could still be alive even though he probably drowned in the lake-"

"There is only one way to kill an angel and that is an angel blade," Dean corrected her. Lisa nodded although she looked put out by that. He sighed but had a big smile on his face now. Leaning forward, he quickly told her, "If a certain angel didn't think it was cheating, I'd kiss you to show how grateful I am."

It was a sudden flap of wings that had announced his arrival and even though Ben and Lisa hadn't known that didn't mean they wouldn't find out soon enough. Lisa giggled though at the comment and wouldn't have said much had Gabriel didn't think it was good to interrupt.

"Oh please, as long as there's no tongue involved you have my permission. I just have to wonder what it is that makes you so willing to kiss someone who isn't me on the mouth."

Dean groaned and both Lisa and Ben jumped before turning to look over. Gabriel just gave them a smug smile before returning to the elder hunter. For all the times he had to joke, Dean couldn't believe that it had to be now but that didn't stop him from wondering why he was there. He wasn't stupid enough to not know when something was important and leaned forward in question. Gabriel just crossed his arms in reply to that.

"Hey Deano I'd say I'm home but this isn't exactly where I'd think to find you. Okay jokes up, why the hell are you so happy to kiss someone and I just want to know, no jealously here. Honest."

Sometimes Dean forgot how complicated his life was.

On other days, he forgot just how much he still had to grateful for and soon he wished Sam could see that as well.

* * *

"So let me get this straight, your brother is depressed and you think it's better to let him get out of the house where there is freaky Leviathan people around to chomp on you if you so much as head down a wrong street?" Gabriel frowned at that and Dean glared until Lisa looked over in question.

"What are these Leviathans anyways? I heard Sam mention them-"

"Creepy monsters lady. They scare the bejesus out of me and I'm sure it's just because they could beat angels as well. They are certainly the most evil I've ever seen and the fact that little bro released them in the first place isn't saying much."

Ben quirked his eye brows at that thought and shivered thinking just how many monsters he had witnessed since he came to know the Winchesters. Sure there had been the changeling when he first met them and that had been a bit scary but what made everything better was the fact that both Dean and Sam were able to defeat the big and bad. Now that Ben thought about it though, he noticed why everyone was worried about the younger brother as well. He seemed so much more tough back then and Ben may have liked him better but he never saw how he was with this Castiel character. Was he happy like everyone thought? He didn't know but that message made him rethink everything he knew about the younger Winchester.

"So Castiel released these monsters, isn't he going to put them back?" Ben asked out loud and realizing his mistake when Gabriel's stare seemed to go right through him.

"Sure if little bro even comes out to play. He could still be at the bottom of the lake for all we know and exploded in tiny bits of pieces-" He stopped when Dean elbowed him in the stomach. Glaring Gabriel changed the topic. "There's a bunch of Leviathans at the school and some kids have ended up disappearing. It's the local high school and the reason nobody has noticed the big bad behind it is that there aren't any finger prints or anything. There's no evidence that they were even abducted. For all the parents know, they could have ran away and there's none the wiser but if we had somebody under cover-"

"I'll do it."

Their eyes snapped over to Sam and Gabriel himself bit his lip at that suggestion. He may have come across as rude and had done stuff to Sam that he knew hurt the younger Winchester and scarred him to life but there was no way he would allow this to happen. For the time that nothing had happened, Castiel had been the happiest he had saw him with Sam and it may have been way back when they were fighting that stupid virus but he had unknowingly been suckered into protecting the younger Winchester. It was still applicable though because the promise had been if Castiel was no longer here that he'd watch out for him and he would do that by golly even if Sam couldn't see reason for it.

"No."

"Why not. I'm the best choice. Lisa doesn't work as a school teacher and she's a single mom who takes her kid to soccer matches and everything else. Dean is a hunter and-"

"They know who you are too lover boy. They know that you are the one that at least had one powerful kid-"

"Right because that's all history ever shows right?" Sam asked angrily. "I have a kid that I don't care is powerful and I'm judged for life. Even Phanuel was jealous and if he even stopped to realize that it wasn't what we had wanted and it was more of a curse than anything else-"

"That is so not what I was trying to get at but that works too." Gabriel added as an afterthought. "You know about the illness thing, I know because you are too smart for your own good sometimes and if you know about that, you ought to know what Cas asked of me right?"

Sam didn't and Gabriel let himself smirk.

"Baby brothers are pains in the asses and I'm sure Dean would agree with me. They give you their most adorable little looks and you are automatically putty in their hands. I just so happen knew how much Cas was falling for you and maybe I told him about certain things and it led to one thing." At that Gabriel looked up with a serious expression on his face and Sam's expression faltered. " It led to him making me promise that if anything ever happened to him, I'd keep you safe and I know you hate being looked after but this is one thing that isn't going to happen."

"I know Gabriel and you could watch over me-"

"No because remember what I said? They are going to see that your very soulful baby is in your tummy and they are going to rip it right out killing the both of you. If there is anything these ancient monsters hate more than angels, it is the prophetic half angels with a soul. They have their own bodies, they have a soul with the bonus of a conscious, and to make it worse they are more than powerful. Take Emmanuel for example, one tantrum could cause a whole town a blackout-"

"So Leviathans hate half angels?"

"They hate you more," Gabriel said without losing a single moment at ribbing at him. "Come on Sammy boy, they probably read all of Cassy's embarrassing thoughts and know who you are just by principle-"

The lights blew out in one foul sweep and Lisa screamed in terror. She knew that she should have expected that once the angel mentioned the half angels and something about powers but it didn't stop the surprise when they all broke simultaneously and even Ben jumped in surprised shock. They both stared at Gabriel until he sighed and pointed at Sam.

"Don't blame me, that unborn baby has some anger issues. Maybe it's a girl? Would explain why this happened," he added with a flashy grin.

"But how could-There's only one prophecy for some baby getting the powers like that," Sam finished but Gabriel didn't look arrogant anymore, instead he was plenty sad and Sam didn't like how this was looking.

"Didn't you forget one thing?"

Sam scrounged through his mind wondering what Gabriel was getting at. This was something that he couldn't understand. What was it about angels that he couldn't understand? They had the powers and the means but in the end couldn't they have only one powerful baby? He finally shook his head and Gabriel looked even more sadder by that.

"First baby you loved each other sure and the baby is powerful enough but you're right there could only be one powerful baby boy per angel." Sam's eyes widened and Dean himself thought this was a bunch of bullshit until he realized that this had been what Sam had wanted. He wanted a baby girl and now if Gabriel was right then he would have one. "Of course there's always the exceptions with you Winchesters and you don't exactly come with a manual. Wooing you is incredibly hard in itself as well."

"But what about the soul Gabriel, does my baby have a soul at least?"

"He or she does yes. If the baby didn't have a soul, you would still have lights," Gabriel replied offhandedly. "But I'm still saying the same and I'm not changing my mind. The answer is no."

He mentally smiled when Sam stormed off again and Dean sighed before motioning to go get some candles at least. He felt sorry for Dean, he truly did because his brother never did really listen to them even if he knew what was good for them.

If he knew a way, Sam was going to find one and so help him, he was going to hurt that brat once he found out. Dean would be even worse. Whatever Sam tried though it wouldn't help Cas and the younger hunter had to realize that.

It didn't mean that Sam wouldn't try though.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how it is and REVIEW! :)


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Don't own supernatural.

Warning: Contains M/M slash and MPREG as well as past MPREG.

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

Sam hid behind the cap that he had pulled over his head. Pretending to be a school janitor must've been the only way to find out what monsters were doing in the high school but like Gabriel had said, what would they do if it was the real thing and they hadn't taken it seriously? His stomach wasn't showing all that much so he was still wearing the same sized clothes as he usually did with the exception of it being a little tight around the waist.

He turned around and almost jumped, caught off guard but he reassured himself he was indeed fine. He turned to his right and saw that nobody was around, allowing him to install the small bug in the corner of the room.

"It's all good here. How about at your corner?"

"I can't believe you talked me into this!" Dean scolded through the walkie talkie. "You sell any of those pictures and you are going to die, you understand that? D-E-A-D, DEAD!"

Sam rolled his eyes before depressing the button so that he could talk and effectively ending Dean's rants about him being dead.

"Nobody wants to know about the sex life of Dean and Gabriel alright? I see two outcomes, one being upstairs and the other being one of the teachers isn't really there. You think the monster would risk that?"

"Monsters Sam, they can do whatever the hell they want and get away with it."

Sam had to keep himself from rolling his eyes again, instead glaring to the left before he continued to make sure the equipment he placed was working. He hoped that Gabriel's plan worked and not only because he was able to talk them into coming along to help with the installation phase. He felt better being out of the house and his mood had suddenly lifted. It wasn't like he hated Lisa and Ben even though he was sure Ben disliked him still but he was used to always being on the move. It was a great contrast to when he was in Stanford where he developed an irritating tick of tapping his foot and doing things with his hands when he found himself doing nothing for a long period of time.

He suddenly snapped to the left, thinking he heard something and went for the scar marred in his palm, when the shadow became apparent. He let out a sigh and tried to ignore it for as much as he could.

"Sam baby, you know I would never hurt you. Maybe you could do me a favor and let me show you how to defeat the Leviathans here. Would that prove anything or would you go back to that old mechanism of banishing me? You don't hate me Sammy baby because you love my baby bro and family's all we got left I'm afraid. Maybe I could tell you where he is if you cooperate-"

Sam grabbed the knife out of his pocket and created a thin slice in his palm. It burnt and he was left gasping from the pain but Lucifer was gone. He saw the glowing light and the absence of any mark, sighing with relief when he noticed that Dean wouldn't see a thing. He fought against the tears realizing that the hallucinations seemed to now targeting the one weakness that still left him shaking and sobbing afterwards. He didn't want to, oh God he didn't want to believe them but every time he said he could find Cas for him, another second seemed to go by that he would hesitate. He felt bad though and promised himself that he wouldn't even though it was getting more difficult to try.

"Are you okay Sammy? I can't help but notice that your end grew silent-"

"I'm fine Dean," Sam quickly depressed the button and said in retaliation to the question. "I'm just thinking of what our next move could be-"

"Go back home Sam. We could take it from here."

Sam hesitated but decided he would at least let them get some of what they wanted from him.

"Okay but Emmanuel wants to go outside and have fun, would I be able to-"

"Sammy you could do whatever you want. As you once told Cassy, you're no longer a kid right?" Gabriel must have realized it was too harsh but didn't back down and Sam nodded, ignoring it despite the hard feelings behind it.

It wasn't Gabriel's fault, he told himself.

He loved his little brother and then Sam came along and took him away.

* * *

Sam hid further in his covers not wanting to see any of it but Lucifer seemed less dignified to stop just because the younger Winchester simply wanted him to. Although a part of him just wanted to see him there. He peeked out from them and saw the figure who had Cas's face and his most schooled feature but it wasn't him. It was Lucifer. Shaking he finally pressed his hand against the closed wound on his palm and calmly waited for him to disappear.

He let out a sigh of relief and saw that Emmanuel was still sleeping from their time at the playground earlier in the day. He hesitated before heading out the door, not bothering to even attempt to see if Gabriel was in there with Dean. He needed to go to the school. He remembered something that he had seen earlier and knowing how mad Dean would be if he were to go, he decided he'd keep it his own secret.

Emmanuel was in good hands and making sure that Lisa was sleeping, he hesitantly looked in on Ben. He was sleeping but the blanket was partially removed and Sam felt adverse to seeing Ben cold since it was kind of getting really really cold as of late. He quickly replaced the blanket on Ben otherwise and stood back seeing that there was a lot less tension in the young boy's face now that he was asleep. He sighed and went to leave but paused in thought by the door. He turned around and returned to Ben's side for a moment.

"Your mom loves you Ben and you are so so lucky. Don't go after the type of love I have, you can't. This type of love will make you go crazy if you lose it and in the end all that matters is that they aren't here with you. You may not know your father but you still have people that care about you and you didn't have to find out he died. Please just stay as innocent as you can for as long as you could. When that goes away you aren't left with much else. Hell I wished I never met some people but then I wouldn't have him and no matter how much it messed me up, I love the time I had with him. I just….part of me wishes that he never left and it tears me up inside. You don't want that Ben. That type of love isn't for you."

He made sure he was tucked in before finally heading out of the door. He never realized that Ben had heard every word and every heart breaking confession and was worried about where Sam was going to go.

Sam didn't seem to care much for being oblivious and quickly picked the locks to let him in. He knew that Dean would mess this up because there was something here and it wasn't Leviathans either. Gabriel was most likely trying to tell Dean to make them believe it to keep Sam guessing as much as possible so he didn't have to think. That was stupid and Sam couldn't stand that idea.

He breathed deeply, heading towards where he knew the library was when he seemingly shuddered. He was getting really jumpy these days and the Hallucifer didn't help any by being a nuisance every place Sam went.

"Sam."

This was one of the times he didn't want to see Cas. He didn't want to see Lucifer in his form. It made things so much worse. The angel seemed to see it though and the twisted smile whilst in Cas's form made Sam cringe and he forgot momentarily that he could get rid of that when that form of fake Cas was in front of him.

"You seem almost hurt." He tipped his head in the way his Cas always did and Sam shuddered, not wanting to see that. "I had the monsters of purgatory inside me Sam and I know their end game. I may have been able to help but somebody decided to stab me in the back. Why was that Sam? Did you not love me anymore? I did everything that I could for you and you went and did that to me."

Sam covered his ears, flinching at what he was being told. He hated the fact that he didn't disagree as much as he should have because that wasn't Cas. Cas wouldn't say that to him. He didn't believe that, he couldn't. He sighed when Cas wasn't in front of him anymore and couldn't say how happy he was until he saw Lucifer had taken on. He froze and that seemed to be what his hallucination was hoping for.

"If you were never born Sam then Dean wouldn't be so messed up now," Lucifer was now in the form of John Winchester and if Sam didn't know any better, he'd say that he was compensating now. "Actually if you were never born then my Mary wouldn't have died! You should have never have been born!"

Sam fell over and attempted to shield his ears from hearing this. He gritted his teeth when Lucifer seemed to be back and closed his eyes tightly wishing that he wouldn't see anymore. He didn't even think of trying to simply banish him away again. In fact, he couldn't hold even a thought together before Lucifer took on another from. He shook and found that Dean was before him. He shook even more when Dean gave him a smirk before standing back with a big glare on his face.

"You became the biggest disappointment that I ever met! Why the hell did I even go down stairs for you? I think maybe dad was right. He had the right idea when he said I should've killed you if I couldn't save you and it should have been that day before you freed him. Sam I blame you for everything that happened and if you would wake up and smell the coffee princess you'd realize that everything that happened would have been prevented if you had only listened. Dad would be ashamed to even know you right now-"

Sam couldn't help it, he screamed and Lucifer was back patting his back with a cruel sad smile on his face.

"There there Sammy. I still care about you. I'm sure that Cassy doesn't hate you too much and if he were to come back, he'd still admit that he loves you. But then again you did keep his children a secret until you were caught in the act." He trailed off with a smug grin and before Sam knew it, he transformed into the one person Sam would never forgive himself for. He started to shake realizing that Lucifer must have known it too.

"Daddy?" the little girl tipped her head sideways and Sam let out another pathetic scream before breaking down, silent sobs racking through his body.

"Daddy, ou dere?"

Sam whimpered when he felt hands touching him and screamed, eyes opening in horror when he saw Dean's shocked face and couldn't stand to see anymore disappointment. He weakly fought against him but gave up when Dean refused to let go. He trembled as Dean pulled him close and found the words tumbling out before he could stop himself.

"I'm sorry Dean don't hate me. Don't hate me, I didn't mean to make you ashamed of me. I'm sorry Dean don't leave me," Dean only pulled him closer much to Sam's surprise and the only thing Sam could do was bring his hand up and feel to see if this was actually real this time. Dean was keeping his expression neutral so Sam couldn't tell what was going on, only that a few moments ago someone who looked like his brother blamed him for everything he did. He started shaking again and the tears resumed making Dean seem sad. "I'm sorry! Sorry, so so sorry. I didn't mean…I'm sorry-"

Dean just pulled him close and rubbed small circles in his back and Sam held on tightly, not understanding what was going on. Gabriel wasn't too far behind and that seemed to snap him out of the funk he was in for he pulled back and looked into Dean's eyes with surprised shock.

"Sam listen I think you are going into shock, we need to get you home and then you could tell me what you feel you are sorry for this time-"

"Gabriel's here," Sam cut him off. He didn't seem to catch the words nor realize that he was going into shock, he was just so surprised. "You were here earlier Dean. Dad and Cas were here too."

He trembled just thinking of what they had said and Dean quickly tried to pull him closer. Sam wouldn't have it and Dean sighed, deciding to tell him outward.

"It's not your fault Sam, nothing is your fault. Why the hell would you listen to them? You know that isn't real Sammy? Do you? Those things that you were listening to are all in your head Sam." Dean trailed off, putting a hand through his soft hair and soothing hand on his cheek. "I'm not mad at you and I don't know why you are believing that."

"I made you ashamed!" Sam blurted out. "It was right! I stabbed Cas, I made you ashamed ever since you went to hell for me, and dad's right Dean. If it weren't for me being born then mom would still be alive!"

He waited for the form to change and maybe even for Dean to agree with him. He was greatly shocked when Dean just wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a tighter hug than before. He was equally surprised to find himself desperately needing it.

"Sammy I don't blame you and I'm not ashamed. Cas told you he didn't blame you Sam, he said that he wanted to have so many things with you and he wanted to be with you. Dad is a dick Sammy but he wouldn't have said that. Never that. He loved you and would've never wished that upon you. Don't ever listen to that Sam. Don't-"

"I saw my daughter," Sam added, tears slipping down his cheeks and holding onto Dean like his life depended on it. Knowing how Sam was right now, Dean would have to think it did right now. "She just said daddy. It's my fault. Sophie never asked to be made Dean and she didn't even ask that I let her die. I let her die, I did. I let her die."

"Hey mutton head number two, you did as much as you could at the time," Gabriel broke through his mantra with a frown on his face. "If you think it's your fault still then fine we can't change your opinion but that little girl would have never blamed you. Didn't you see her before?" At Sam's hesitant nod, he went on with a frown. "Did she ever once blame you for anything?"

"She was too small," Sam admitted before tucking his head in Dean's shoulder. Dean sighed and held him there although he was now looking at Gabriel.

"Why were you here?" Dean asked.

Sam was trembling badly now and Dean cursed , shoving Sam back and Gabriel snapped his fingers, bringing about an object that would help Dean immensely. Dean quietly thanked him, using it to elevate Sam's feet and held Sam securely in his lap.

"Gabriel can you help me-" Gabriel had already placed his index finger on Sam's forehead and ignoring his whimpering, withdrew it when Sam's head dropped back. He didn't seem very happy about it but if knocking Sam out meant that he was actually breathing without trembling and not going into shock, Gabriel was on board.

"Why the hell?"

Dean just shook his head and grabbed Gabriel's hand. The angel looked over in worry and nodded silently, snapping his fingers and automatically bringing them into Sam's room.

* * *

Once Sam was in his pajamas and under a warm comforter, Dean refused to leave his side even though Gabriel knew he had to be tired. Sighing, he quickly made sure to sit beside him and lean down into the pale face of the younger brother. Why the hallucinations were getting brutal, Gabriel had no idea. He frowned thinking that maybe Sam's blaming of himself was causing the baby to possibly produce them but quickly threw that theory out of the window. It wouldn't have happened. Not the baby and Sam seemed almost scared at the thought of Dean hating him, almost as much as he seemed to go on about Cas.

"Why in the world was he there?" Gabriel wondered out loud.

"Because he thought he was helping except when he realized he wasn't," Dean replied evenly before flinching at the tone that he had taken with Gabriel. It wasn't the angel's fault Sam was off the deep end right now. "Seriously though, if Ben hadn't had that class about suicide prevention I would have had to do a lot more than a little intervention. How much are these hallucinations going to take before Sam can't take it anymore? They keep using Cas and dad. They probably used me a couple of times I figure but for the hallucinated Lucifer to use his own daughter against him? Son of a bitch!"

Gabriel nodded in agreement and rubbed a hand softly down his back.

"Listen there's no way that he will wake up any time soon. Even if he did, I'd put him back to sleep cause what I have, better than any pill you could stuff down his throat or shove into a vein or whatever. You however need to sleep and there's still enough room for you. He'd probably be all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it-"

"I hate when Sam is hurting," Dean quickly interrupted and Gabriel stopped mid rant to actually look at him. "Cas dying did that to him and what am I going to do? Watch Sam slowly spiral out of control and-"

"That's the reason humans don't fall for humans," Gabriel quoted. "I warned you boys but of course your brother already was on baby number two. I may be able to lift ground and cause mayhem but I can't exactly take away the love that Sam feels for the angel."

"Could you take his memory away?" Dean asked and suddenly Gabriel realized what he was getting at. He quickly shook his head but Dean continued. "He would get along so much better if you took away the pain by wiping his memory away and then I wouldn't lose a brother-"

"I know how you feel having lost a bunch of my own but the thing is I can't-"

"Why not? Sam is fucking losing it over Cas and you can't do the right thing and take it away? Why!" he repeated when Gabriel just looked away.

"Why? Because I know how it feels having done that before. You think I want the mutton head to be in pain? I can't just wipe his memory clean though. You want to know why?" Dean nodded in wonderment and Gabriel continued. "You seriously don't want him to wake up every morning and wonder why he his stomach is a fricking balloon or wonder how he even came to have a kid. You don't want your brother to go through that and removing Cas from his memory doesn't mean the pain will go away. He'll just forget it and then what do you think will happen when Cas comes back? It'll cause even more pain in the long run. I know you don't want him to be hurt but this is reality and there are going to be things that you don't like. I say get over it and stop being a baby about it."

"He can't get over it and that is the issue!" Dean found himself raising his voice. Gabriel kept his expression neutral though out the conversation and only since then brought out a smirk.

"I was talking about you. You can't stand it but it doesn't mean that it will help him in the long run. He will still suffer from this and unless you could prove that Cas is indeed alive, he's not going to believe anything else. Go to sleep," he added pointing to the bed where Sam was currently residing. "He may not be awake but having a warm body to reassure him that he's not hallucinating everything will help loads, you get sleep you need, and I will watch over everything here."

"You promise?" Dean finally asked and Gabriel nodded, short of telling him to fuck himself for getting him to even make a response to that.

"And in the morning you will know that everything I do is for your stupid ass," Gabriel continued with a much softer tone.

Dean smiled and dressed down to his boxers, getting in and pulling Sam close to him. Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows and Dean automatically rolled his eyes as he settled in with his baby brother's warm breath sounding on his throat. He smiled softly and Gabriel leaned in for a soft brush over the lips and then Dean was asleep.

After he was though was when Gabriel lost all hints of being happy, soft, or even arrogant. He hated this and he knew Dean was only trying to do what was best for his brother but the fact was, Sam didn't want to forget and Dean wanted him to so that he could spare the pain. Gabriel didn't think it was a good idea only because he had been on the other side having to live with the person's choice of forfeiting their memories.

He frowned as he always did when he was forced to remember Rebecca like this. She chose to do it though over the loss of their child and yet Sam lost one and didn't even think of leaving Cas despite all the issues they had. Gabriel sighed and thought of what it would be like if Rebecca had been like Sam. Would he have still taken her memories to keep her from self-blame and anguish. Sam was certainly going through so much with the loss of the angel that Gabriel realized that he was heading towards something very bad.

"Funnily enough I think that you are the only one that wouldn't want to forget," Gabriel muttered darkly and turned to Emmanuel who was still sleeping. His gaze softened as he looked and saw lots of Cas's features sticking out even from the distance they were at. There was a mixture of Sam in there as well but the thing was, love hurt so much when it was finally returned that he wondered why a simple human would put himself through it. It wasn't worth it in the end to go crazy after everything that happened but he couldn't really be the judge. He was still bent on Rebecca's choice.

Still he refused to be the actual angel that would take his memory. He wouldn't want it, not like Rebecca would and even though she hadn't started the apocalypse or guzzled large amounts of demon blood, he knew that this was his choice no matter how much he would love to take Dean up on it and do just what Dean had wanted. He couldn't though and he knew it wasn't because he wanted Sam to suffer although at one time he would have.

Underneath he was afraid to admit that Sam was a better person than Rebecca ever was.

* * *

A/N: Please let me know how it is and REVIEW! :)


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